Controlled Burn

Once upon a time, on the very first Monday of the new time change, Chesapeake Bay Woman struggled to get up at 5:30, drove bleary-eyed the hour to work, survived a rather hectic day, drove the hour home, and did what everyone else in America would do at the conclusion of such a long, arduous day.

No pine trees were killed in this incident, although the flames licked their lower limbs.

She watched her father drive over on his Cub Cadet and intentionally set fire to a brush pile and then to the entire shoreline in her back yard.

Because that's what we do around here for entertainment .

The fire spread quickly through the dry, crispy marsh grass and brush along the shore.

Fire Marshal Twinkie the cat was entirely unimpressed.  Here he glances away from the fire as he considers taking up residence where the humans act more civilized, such as the Saluda jail.

Here is my 71-year-old father, the King of Shoreline Pyrotechnics.There's lots of mud down there and no shortage of tripping hazards. Oh, and fast-moving fire. Let's not forget that.

My father is easily winded these days due to lung issues that have official names.

Also, everyone in my family has a well-documented history of falling for no good reason.

Needless to say, between the fire itself and my (potentially) winded father so close to it all, the tension (much like the temperature) was rising--in direct correlation to my already frazzled blood pressure.

Several times he ventured out of my line of sight and I thought for sure he'd fallen; in that fast-moving fire there was no room for error.

(Have I mentioned our well-documented family history of falling even when we're not walking in creek mud, marsh grass, brambles, and uneven terrain? With a fire lapping at our heels?)

Dearest Hallieford Neighbors,  I'm sorry.  First you get a daily dousing of smoke from his wood-burning furnace.  Now this.  

Warning: The tractor above moves much slower than it appears--in the exact opposite direction of the raging inferno when said inferno was spreading higher into the pine tree zone. He was as cool as a cucumber, not a worry in the world.

I, on the other hand, was as cool as a habanero pepper slathered liberally with wasabi sauce. This was where I officially started to panic. If the pine trees caught on fire that would definitely not be part of the controlled burn plan, if such a plan existed.  Ordinarily there would be pictures of the flames reaching farther up the pine trees, but by that time I had tossed the camera aside in search of the fire department a rake to attempt to control the uncontrolled, controlled fire.
It was futile.
So I had a glass of wine instead.

The burning away of some of the marsh grass revealed a site where glass was once dumped. That's what they did back in the day before they lit their shorelines on fire for entertainment.  They slammed their excess glassware into the ground.  Not really. But they did dump the glass in certain designated spots such as this.

I can't wait to investigate this area. But at the time this was taken the ground was chock full of embers. And my eyebrows were already singed as it was. No need to pile on.

When the fire started to wane around the pine trees, I could finally relax.  




But wait.  Not yet.




Then my father returned to set fire to the section of shoreline closest to the dock, which also appeared to be perfectly combustible.

He's down in the mud again. See how high that fire is reaching?

Hello?It's over his head. And he's ankle deep in creek mud!
More wine please.

All in all, it was a successful controlled burn even if it appeared absolutely uncontrolled for a good portion of the event.  


We do this every so often around here, and lest you think we're unusual, I can assure you we're not the only ones.  


Fire does encourage growth of good things.  The marsh grass and cattails come back in full force.  Wild asparagus too, much to my mother's glee.  


Even if the above is not true, we tell ourselves this each and every year to enjoy the privilege of a good pyrotechnics display fire.

Fire Marshal Twinkie, on his way to find another home. As he left he was overheard mumbling, "The humans here are animals. Absolute savages."

If any of you out there can contribute to the reasons why one should burn a shoreline, please leave a comment.  And a glass of wine.

Click here for last year's rendition of the same activity.


Last but not least, I'm so very grateful to have a father next door who takes care of the things I would could never do myself.  He does everything very well in spite of all my worrying and fretting, and I love him very much. (Love you too, CB Mother! Can't wait to eat the asparagus.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

p.s. Pardon the shift from third to first person about halfway through this post.  It's a coping mechanism brought on by stress due to a father, a house, and a dock  standing way too close to fast-moving flames.

Blog Cabin 2011 Coming to Mathews

This week's Gazette-Journal confirms that the DIY Network's Blog Cabin will feature a Mathews County home located on the Mobjack Bay in Susan.

The shot above is not from that house, but just play along.

Since most of the three of you who read are not from Mathews, I should explain that Susan is a place, a post office, a don't blink otherwise you've just missed it area in Mathews.

Since I no longer watch TV because I'm addicted to the internet I confess to being a stranger to Blog Cabin. Evidently the network purchases a property, fixes it up, and films an entire series around these renovations.  In the end, the house is given away to one very lucky sweepstakes winner.

This is all very, very exciting for those of us who want our own reality TV show and feel convinced we have all the makings right here under our noses who live in the county.  In addition to having a major network in our midst for months on end, the show will be great publicity for the county.  Perhaps most importantly, the show will also provide jobs and the experience of a lifetime for some of our local bloggers? contractors.  

Given the enormous culture clash these DIY'ers are bound to experience, I thought we could ease their transition by giving them some tips on how to survive in Mathews.  Let's see if we can get a good list going.  


Here is a start, in no particular order:

1.  Toss all GPS units into the Mobjack Bay, because they might actually work down there in the mud but they will not work in Mathews.  That GPS Lady thinks she knows what she's talking about, but she's full of hot air and hush puppies most of the time.

2.  Eat all the Thai and Vietnamese food you can before you arrive.  There's a delightful Thai restaurant in Gloucester, but that is probably 20-25 miles from Susan.

3. Unless you have helicopters dropping in supplies (and if you do, please request sixteen cartons of Vietnamese spring rolls to be drop-shipped over the 23076 zip code), you will drive more than you breathe.  

4.  Insects and assorted infestations are a fact of life - your life.  They will live with you.  No matter what the season, you will be overtaken by insects.  You cannot win, it's futile.

The current season is fruit flies and spiders.  Welcome them with open arms.  You might find crickets in your suitcases too.

Winter places the welcome mat out for mice, who will find your place warm and inviting.

Spring brings ants, killer mutant ants like you've never seen.  When you are overtaken by them, and you will be, consult with me.  I have the solution which involves a multi-faceted approach involving Terro and nuclear weapons.

Summer means mosquitoes, May flies and dementia horseflies.  Because we do not want to scare you out of the county, we won't talk about these just yet.

5.  Don't leave trash outside overnight.  Although bears have yet to cross the county line from Gloucester, we do have bear-sized fiddler crabs raccoons and opossums. What they don't eat they will happily and unabashedly sprinkle anywhere in a half-mile radius. If you don't want your neighbor seeing it, do not put it in your trash.

6.  You may wish to erect your own cell phone tower at the work site, otherwise just go ahead and install a land line unless you know smoke signals, Morse code or have tapped into your ESP capabilities.

7.  Relax and get ready for a slower pace of life in an isolated area with far fewer of the so-called luxuries but chock-a-block full of wonderful people and gorgeous, undeveloped natural beauty.  If you need a tour guide, CBW is your gal.

In the next edition of Tips for the DIY Network in Mathews County, we'll cover storm survival tactics and ways to entertain yourself when the current goes out and the tide is so high in the back yard you need hip boots to get to the car.

Dear Reader Three Readers - Please add to this list of things the DIY people will need to know to make their stay more enjoyable here in Mathews during the upcoming season. I'll keep a running tally and publish updates periodically.

Dear DIY Network:  You will love Mathews, and I for one think you might not ever want to leave.

Welcome.