When I was about 12, I rode my bike directly into the path of a clothes line and burned a stripe across my nose which lasted for at least 2 years’ worth of school pictures. Yesterday, my 12-year-old son ran directly into a rusted, wire clothes line, and when all was said and done he emerged bloody and stunned. How do these things happen?
Instead of tackling that Ponderable, let’s take a pop quiz:
1. Why do we use clothes lines when we live in a civilized society in which most homes now have electric dryers and other modern amenities?
a) We live in Mathews County. The End.
b) To show that we are only one step away from reverting to using outhouses.
c) To display our granny-style underwear to the neighbors, to the entire country and to God.
d) To provide a perch for birds to “do their business” (the likelihood of which increases if there is clean laundry on the line).
e) To ensure rain for the entire duration of time the laundry is hanging on the line;
f) To ensnarl helpless children who are walking or bicycling by, rendering them bloodied, helpless, and scarred for life.
g) To ensnarl grown adults who are trying to maneuver a riding lawn mower around flapping sheets and aforementioned granny style underwear.
h) All of these and more, but especially (a).
In short, if you are fortunate enough NOT to live in an area where clothes lines are popular, thank your lucky stars.
And send me your address: I’ve got to get out of here.