Monday, January 12, 2009
This is another picture I took one quiet, peaceful morning on Gwynn's Island. It was spectacular. Speaking of peace and quiet, I now turn to a story that involves anything but.
Today we have a guest contribution about a church cookout. Actually, two people contributed to this post, and part of it is copied from a recent Facebook conversation.
The cast of characters in this story includes:
MMM - Mathews Mountain Man, author of the story and Gwynn's Island native
B. - Gwynn's Island native who grew up with MMM
The Preacher - of Gwynn's Island Baptist Church
Mr. C - man who was helping the preacher
Miss Pookie - MMM's mother
Holy Hamburgers in Space or
A Conversation between Old Acquaintances on FaceBook
CBW has been encouraging me to relate the details of a conversation I had on FaceBook with an old acquaintance. When I reviewed the “message” exchange between my friend B. and I, I thought it was funny enough in its original form – with a few discrete modifications of course. Besides, I’m too lazy to sit down and compose a well written essay.
Respectfully in regards to B, some people remember the strangest things...
The Facebook Exchange:
December 5 at 11:43am
MMM: Hey B. All is well here. "Hamburger in space... um"; seems I vaguely recall something that happened at a youth church meeting with The Preacher? Am I even in the ballpark?
December 5 at 5:50pm
B: Yes! The Preacher and Mr. C. were leading the Royal Ambassadors [Baptist Youth Group] and after playing ball and having a lesson, we cooked out behind the church. Miss Pookie, knowing you didn't like hot dogs, had fixed you a hamburger in Reynolds wrap, and it blew up and never came down. I swear no one found even a piece of it. I think several of us used the Lord's name in vain when it went off.
December 6 at 10:44am
MMM: You certainly remember the details about that one better than I do. I should ask Pookie what she put in that hamburger, though I'm sure The Preacher and Mr. C. have already done that. Maybe that explains why I now like hot dogs.
December 6 at 11:02am
B: Maybe Miss Pookie was having vision problems back then, instead of garlic powder, she must have picked up the one that said gun powder.
December 10 at 10:49pm
MMM: So B, I've been getting a little grief about that pyrotechnic hamburger. (I'm accustomed to grief from CBW and her sisters - we go back a ways.) And, I've been told that you might post a story about it on some obscure blog... If so, you may as well get my take on it:
As for the hamburger; Pookie was trying to kill me; but she failed, just as she did every other time she tried. God forbid I hear the words, Mathews Mountain Man; did you know that when pronounced in sequence Mathews Mountain Man means "I'm going to kill you"; in another language it also means R.U.N.
Pookie didn't kill me with that hamburger, but she almost killed the preacher and one of the most pious citizens that ever lived on Gwynn's Island - Mr. C. Just think, a preacher and one of God's finest, both dead and gone with one hamburger. As for me, I was in the sanctuary on my knees when the damn thing exploded.
December 11 at 12:05am
B: Up until the moment the said hamburger exploded, I had always considered Emory's burgers to be the most dangerous. His were hard and flat and it would be assault with a deadly weapon if one were thrown at someone. No, your burger took it to new heights, literally.
December 11 at 12:28am
B: I think this is funnier than the time they gave away the turkeys on WKRP. They threw them out of a helicopter, and Less Nessman made it sound like the guy who announced the Hindenburg disaster...They're hitting the ground like bags of wet cement...
CBW's Commentary (because you know she can't help but remark even when it doesn't involve her)
Once upon a time at a church picnic, a boy's mother packed a hamburger that, when heated over a campfire, blasted off into outer space never to be seen again. To this day nobody knows why it exploded or where it went, but it remains one of the many unsolved mysteries of Mathews County and gives a whole new twist to the expression, "Where's the beef?"