Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Conversation with a Cormorant


Cormorant (rolling eyes): Oh no, not her again.

Chesapeake Bay Woman: Hi, Mr. Cormorant!

Cormorant: How do you know I'm a cormorant?

CBW: I don't. I'm just making an educated guess.

Cormorant: Did you know cormorants don't talk?

CBW: Who says they don't?

Cormorant: Most sane people. Normal types who don't have conversations with aquatic birds and then post said conversations on the internet.

CBW: I never claimed to be one of those.

Cormorant: Clearly.

CBW: What are you doing over the upcoming Memorial Day weekend?

Cormorant: What part of "cormorants don't talk" did you not understand?

CBW: All of it.

Cormorant: You have issues.

CBW: And yet you keep talking to me. Anyway, Friday I am leaving for the Eastern Shore to go (drum roll) CAMPING.

Cormorant: Oh no. Not that. Haven't you learned from past camping trips that all you're asking for is a disaster such as a hurricane, a tropical storm, a nor'easter, an insect infestation, a thrown-out back, a case of almost-appendicitis, sweltering heat, jungle humidity, crowded bathhouses or all of the above--and worse more?

CBW: And your point is...?

Cormorant: Gotta go. Have to call my friends over on the Eastern Shore and tell them to get out of Dodge, or at least out of the greater Cheriton/Cape Charles vicinity, before the Disaster Magnet arrives in town on Friday.

CBW: Party pooper.

Since I could easily continue this conversation for a minimum of three days without taking a breath, I'm forcing it to come to a merciful conclusion.

But in two days the Chesapeake Bay Children and I *will* be going camping, and although I'm getting very excited, there is a small part of me that is a little nervous based on past disasters experiences.


Stupid cormorant.

How will you be ushering in the start of summer? Has anyone heard the extended forecast for the Eastern Shore? Are locust swarms predicted?

19 comments:

maria from nj said...

I hear locust are on vacay in Cancun. Enjoy!

Phyl said...

Camping Hatteras, Buxton to be exact. Right down the street from Avon. Yes, that Avon. The one where the report from The Weather Channel is presenting from. Nor'easters rock!
Have fun camping! Hopefully I got all the weather off of the east coast for you!

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Outer Banks, baby! Long weekend. Can't wait.

Jamie said...

There was a threat of a sub tropical cyclone that they were thinking might be the first named storm of the season... seriously. But it is further south in the Carolinas and should be gone by the weekend. I always have some type of "adventure" on trips I take... once my cousin and I drove through 4 tornadoes, torrential rain, remnants of Hurrican Ivan, biblical flooding and even dodged a mudslide... all in one 3 day trip. CBW, I don't think we should ever vacation together ;)
Heading to Deltaville early Friday morning... can't wait. I'm not there yet and already I don't want to come home

Mental P Mama said...

Ohhhh. Have fun! I am going to spend the weekend losing this pesky 25 pounds;) I leave for Spain next week!!!

Daryl said...

I dont know what's due there but here it almost always rains on Memorial Day weekend at least one day of the 3 day weekend ... I hope your weekend is rain and disaster free

WV tripte .. a timely reminder: dont forget to pack the trip tea!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Headed to the pool and cooking on the grill! Yeah Summertime. Have fun CBW!

Mathews Mark said...

Motel room, Room service and internet is not camping!! Do you ever stay home? For someone who loves Mathews you sure do leave it a lot. Have fun "camping" Remember to tip the cabin boy. MM ( I think I need to get the HELL out of dodge my self!)

deborah said...

I will be wishing everyone well and great adventures from my front porch. Anywhere near the ocean has to be a wonderful place to be anytime any weather!! Lots of pictures please, and please include pelicans:))

Grandma J said...

Have a blast, CBW. Rest up, because someone else is going on vacation too. He read your comment, and well, he's just about packed and ready. Unfortunately he has to wait until I get over this strep, and the family gets out of here.

I can't wait to here about your adventures on the East Shore.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Maria-I hope they stay in Cancun, but with my luck they'll send a substitute insect over to my campsite. I am truly a disaster magnet.

Phyl-I hope your trip is storm free. You're far enough away from me that my bad luck shouldn't impact your vacation.

Meg-That's right, you told me that. Have fun, be safe and enjoy.
(Don't forget about those T-shirts we've been talking about. I think we're onto something. "No es clean" might be the next catchy phrase and our t-shirts will fly off the shelves of all major retailers. I won't quit my day job until we know for sure, though.)

Jamie-No. I did not read that. There's no storm brewing. Can't be. (Can it?) You referenced biblical flooding - I forgot that one time my pop-up camper was almost swept away by a river that had reached flood stage - I think I even saw a small family clinging to a log surge by me. Gotta love the peace and relaxation of vacations.

MPM-Spain. Now that is a vacation. Truly.

Daryl-Tripte is my nickname and refers to the graceful method of fumbling my way to the shared bathhouse at the campground.

NNG-We need to schedule a weekend at BHEs's pool. Soon.

Mathews Mark - I won't have internet! But I will have a market nearby, plus mini golf, plus pools, plus 4,200 other gross vacationers with whom I'll have to share a shower stall with. Mathews is awesome but sometimes one has to get away for a true break, even if the break will be enduring a tropical depression hovering over one's campsite.

Deborah-I'll try to get you some pelican photos.

Grandma J. - Does this mean PJB is coming out early again for Blog Fest? Excellent!

It's hotter than blue blazes here today. Even the computer is panting and sweating.

Mrs F with 4 said...

Our long weekend was last weekend.. it was hot, and today it is HOT (104 in my backyard). And three weeks ago it was snowing.

MM, close your eyes, this is not for you.

About an hour ago, I felt something tickly in my cleavage. I just got a haircut (YAY!), so I assumed it was a stray hair. Happened again a few minutes later.. and again. I finally pulled my t-shirt out and looked down there.

There was a spider building a web between the two sides of my bra, across my cleavage. Only a small spider, nothing black-widowish, but... did you hear me scream?

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Mrs. F - How can I hear you scream when I am howling with laughter here (at your expense, may i add)? Howling, I tell you.

Mathews Mark said...

Sorry Mrs F with 4 I peeked

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

OMG OMG OMG I HEARD HER SCREAM THE WHOLE WAY IN DC GAAAAAAH SPIDERS MAKING WEBS IN YOUR BOOBIES!!

No es good!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

OK, now I'm laughing at Mathews Mark and his peeking and Meg with her "No es good."

No es possible not to laugh at some of this stuff.

Jamie said...

OMG I'm laughing so hard I'm crying... I hate spiders and now I will probably be checking my boobs all day to make sure none are nesting

foolery said...

What is cleavage? How was the spider not crushed against your sternum by the weight of the shir -- oh. I think I guessed what cleavage might be.

Happy weekend, all -- my trip to Vegas was on, then off, then on, then off again, but now is on for tomorrow, as long as Sparky's cough doesn't get worse and I don't have to stay here at work trying to place paltry sums of advertising on over-sold radio stations during the tightest political season we've ever had.

It's Miller Time.

Country Girl said...

Holy crap, Mrs. F.

Seriously freaking me out.

I think I heard your scream.