For everyone else, please fasten your lap buckles and pull the safety harness over your heads. Remain seated and keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times. The ride is getting ready to start.
EXHIBIT A
This may not look so bad, and in fact it isn't unless you're the one who has to pick it up, put it in the sink and clean it with a power washer. But what you do not know is that this glass was procured and lipstickized within thirty minutes of Little Sister's arrival at the house this weekend.
EXHIBIT B
The following atrocity is a new turn of events. Presumably in an effort to conceal the lipstick marks, or rather because she's unable (?) to get up, walk the three steps to the trash can, and deposit her gum there, Little Sis decided to press it firmly on the side of the glass.
Note: This picture is most definitely blurred due to Photography Wizard's forgetfulness in the department of changing the setting from landscape to portrait or auto. By the way, I am totally making up these setting names because I am only guessing based on the pictures displayed. Point being: I forgot to change the setting, so it's blurred.
GUM. The last indignity. I'd like to point out that she left this glass on a coffee table and made no effort to take it into the kitchen and/or remove the offensive deposit.
EXHIBIT C
A Very Brave Volunteer used some of the existing lipstick in my house to portray how my sisters wear their lipstick. Note that hardly any is on the actual lips. That's because it's easier to slop it on a glass or cup this way.
There are only two things I'd like to point out that are not fairly depicted here: (1)Their lipstick, especially Middle Sister's, is much darker, the essence and thickness of mud. Because I AM THE ONE WHO WEARS THE GLOSSY, DEWY STUFF this picture does not do anything any justice. (2) Brave Volunteer, not realizing she was going to be photographed on the spur of the moment, had not shaved her moustache and beard, so I do not expect to hear anything from any sister about facial hair because this is a Brave Volunteer sacrificing herself for this story. It has nothing to do with me.
One last thing. Tomorrow I have to work, where I will have no internet access. If Middle and Little Sister have anything to say on this topic, I will be responding tomorrow evening or Thursday morning at the latest.
CBW
25 comments:
So so funny! Whatever you do, DO NOT double-click on the lips to see the super enlarged version. Brave volunteer would not like that one bit!
As I said, this Brave Volunteer has NOTHING to do with me. NOTHING.
Oh my, I can't stop laughing. Just be glad your sister didn't stick the gum under your table or chair.
Those lips!! And thanks to kaffy, I double-clicked on them to super-size them...WHOA MAMA!!
Just remember that is a Brave Volunteer who has nothing to hide, not even facial hair.
I'm with grandma j, I can't stop laughing at this. I can't wait to see of sisters respond.
Well, I had to go back and doubleclick. I am going to go get a wax TODAY. This is hysterical. I love a good sibling jihad.
Wow, where do I begin? My mind is all over the place.....should I recommend that Brave Volunteer shave daily (by the way, I do suspect that this is Frank Burns from MASH)? Should I talk about how difficult it is to balance the fine art of drinking wine and chewing gum? Which leads me to think that if I could invent a wine glass with a gum-holder, how great would I be? Especially for red wine drinkers who chew tooth-whitening gum.... because red wine stains your teeth, but then you're right on top of it, bleaching as you go...Or should I go back to the original, mind-numbing lipstick comments? I need to take a break and come back with my comments. - Middle Sister
...I have to say that 'brave volunteer' should've been paid to do that! lol...
...And "ewww" - how gross is that putting gum on the edge of your glass! That's like my elderly uncle who is so frugal (and you say here, "how frugal is he?"), that he only uses one end of one q-tip for both ears and then saves the other end for the next day and he lays the q-tip on his kitchen windowsill for the world to see! lol... :oP
...Yeah, can't wait for the rest of the story...
...Blessings... :o)
As we say in my own jihad world, "IT'S ON."
Thanks for the laugh.
Also? Gum sort of neutralizes wine. I prefer no mint in my wine. But that's just me.
My,My, My Jealousy is QUITE the green monster, isn't it though?? You commenters are just plain haters. Don't blame me because you don't "have the time" to get all hussied up in the morning...As you guessed, LIL SIS has quite a few comments on this HIGHLY intellectual subject.
I think CBW missed her calling as a DAME EDNA double. And please, PLEASE double click on those chicken lips, PLEASE!!! Can I make a few suggestions? HAIR OFF FACIAL MITTEN ( available at most CVS and Walgreen's pharmacies ), RAZOR, WEED WACKER, or perhaps a good sharp knife. Just throwing those out there.
Yes, Middle Sis I think that a wine glass with a.) a gum rest, b.) a compact mirror that lights up ( also great for spying on those seated behind you ) and c. a lip liner sharpener would be, I'd say, quite possibly an ingenious invention. Let's work on that. I'm going to invent a pair of flip flops which will safely secure a flask in the sole. I discovered that this would come in handy as I was stuffing mini bottles of coconut rum down my SPANX at yesterday's Pearl Jam concert.
TJ, that uncle with his q-tips, um that's just nasty. It's absolutley disgusting and you have the nerve to say "eewww" to my gum. Can't someone just enjoy wine while taking a break from her gum?
Here's something else that's gross: CBW's MASTER TOILET. HHHAAA I know you're SHAKING in your boots right now, hoping I won't take it there. ( I'm laughing like Mr. Burns on the Simpson's now with my ammunition ! )
LOVE, PEACE, and HAPPY LIPSTICK STAINS!!!
P.s. BOTH of the photos were my idea. Thank you very much.
If you double click on dame edna's lips, it looks like a picture of a BILLY GOAT that just ate a FRUIT ROLL UP!!!!!!!! haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
Love, Lil Sis
Lil Sis - love the idea for the upgrades on the wine glass. I guess I should also give you kudos for "going green" and saving your gum instead of throwing it away...it sounds like some of our other contributors are, well... I don't want to point fingers, but.....sounding quite selfish and environmentally unaware. But, that's a topic for another post. Rock on lipstick warriors....sans the facial hair! - Middle Sis
CBW, maybe if you keep a pack of gum handy, your guests can discard the chewed one, and chew a fresh piece after the wine. :)
I give you a pass on whatever the issue is with the MASTER TOILET.
First things first.
On behalf of Brave Volunteer, let me say this: B.V. KNEW that she had hair including whiskers AND A FIVE O'CLOCK SHADOW around her mouth but was brave enough to say SANITY OVER VANITY for the cause.
I DOUBLE DARE Middle Sis or Baby Sis to stick their faces under a microscope for the world to see. We'd see all the Hoo's down at HooVille living high on the hog in the Amazon Jungle known as THEIR NOSTRILS, courtesy of our father. A person could stick a finger up one of those nostrils and have his arm taken off due to the depth and breadth of those scary nostrils.
Now, let's move on to the next topic. Only Middle Sis would be chewing WHITENING GUM while plucking her brows, waxing her ENTIRE HAIRY BODY and plumping her WHATEVER while drinking wine.
And on to LITTLE SIS. Me thinks that was a FREUDIAN SLIP by saying HUSSIED UP and not GUSSIED UP. I am cutting you some slack when I say this. 'Cause if it WASN'T a F. Slip then your statement speaks for itself. Case closed.
To both sisters: She who lives with a Mile-Wide, Hairy Nostril, With Room for a Small Family of 17,Should Not Cast Stones.
Love, Hugs, Kisses, Smiles, High Fives and BFF Stickers for Your Cars!
Oh, and tj I got your back.
foolery, EXACTLY. it's wrong on SOOOOOOO many levels.
bn, I'll be sending you a reward for your remarks soon. Thank You!
david - I am sorry you have to witness such ugliness. All I can say is I DIDN'T START IT.
mpm - I'm reasonably sure that Brave Volunteer will consider waxing, bleaching, bush hogging or machine gunning in the near future. Clearly the current regimen is not working. Actually the current regimen WOULD work if only she employed it. But evidently she just doesn't care.
kaffy, BV would like to have a word with you.
tj, I'll say it again, but I've definitely got your back and why would we want to respond to folks who are clearly so demented? I mean really, fruit roll ups and a billy goat? Where does that stuff come from other than the depths of a hairy nostril?
...Oooo lordy has it ever gotten warm in here! lol... ;o) CBW's Lil' Sis', sorry girl but you cannot take a break from gum. Saying that is like saying, "I think I'm gonna take a break from this piece of sirloin steak I've been chewin' on", "why I think I'll just rest it up here on the edge of my wine glass"...lol... Mmm hmm, you can argue with me 'til the cows come home on this one. :o) And I'm on board with ya on the "flip flop flask", that sounds like a winner!...
...And dare we ask about this Master Toilet? It's almost like double clicking on BV's lip photo - I'm almost scared too...lol... ;o)
...Ah yes, always guaranteed a good time over here at CBW's! You all are the BEST!
...Blessings to ya's... :o)
tj, if anyone would place a piece of steak on the rim of a cocktail glass, it'd be Little or MIddle Sis.
Regarding the contents of my toilet, well, let me think about that for a while. I WILL say that I clean the darn thing out every once in a while. Where once = once in a blue moon. To the best of my knowledge, there are no blue moons rising over Little/Middle Sisters' homes.
The BETTER question is what is Little Sis doing in MY bathroom when she could be using another one?
Wait! Wait! I know the answer. MY BATHROOM HAS THE BIGGER MIRROR where she can see all her nostril hair.
I believe it says somewhere in the Bible that in order to feel better about oneself, you must clearly make someone else look like a fool. Or, at least that's what a big sister who tried to feed you rat poison and undercooked pork in the same decade would lead you to believe..
FYI my nostrils have no more hair than needed to filter out daily nastiness. And by nastiness I mean CBW'S Belching/upper GI problems.
Regarding the " I DIDN'T START IT " comment. Ummmm, yes you did. YOu started the blog and you told the whole planet that your two younger sisters have big hairy nostrils. It's on, no subject is safe now.mmmmmooohhoooowwwaaahhhaahhaaaaa!!!
Love, Chesapeake Bay Baby CLAM
Also, I especially love the small BLACK hair on your upper right chicken lip region. That's a keeper!!!!!
Regards,
CBBC
The one charge in this whole affront that I will confess to is the belching. For those who know Barney on the Simpsons, take that and times it by two, and understand that any earth tremors on the west coast are started here on the east coast. complete with quivering lips.
I love both of my sisters and love both of my sisters and love both of my sisters. Into Eternity And Beyond.
That Poor Brave Volunteer was put under the microscope with no advance notice and I challeng Anyone, USA, to be brave enough to be scrutinized in such a way. Most Brave Volunteers over the age of 40 have that and then some as far as hair they're trying to hide.
May I add that such scrutiny in the nostril vicinity would not be tolerated by Middle or Baby Sis.
Please tell BV that I'm truly sorry for telling people emphatically NOT TO double-click on the lips. I didn't mean to stir the cauldron...or did I? It was just too tempting.
TJ--you made me laugh big time with the sirloin steak comment. I'd have to agree with you on that one.
But I do love those sissies. All three are drop-dead gorgeous, gum, whiskers, lipstick, nostrils, and all. Write on!
This is hilarious. You three are lucky to have each other. what no one else knows is that aside from the hairy nostrils, lipstick lips, gum- chewing teeth-whitening, wine-drinking, lipstained glasses, all three of these chesapeake bay women are so beautiful they could have been models for Vogue, covergirl, or Fredericks of Hollywood. Hats off to you. Your comments had me rolling.
Love ya all
cats - you are too kind...but folks, she's our cousin and is the one with the looks in this family.
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