What a serene vista this is. A glassy creek; a willowy cattail; the sporadic morning glory. This is what I prefer to focus on today rather than anything that has happened this week, up to and
Today we're launching right into a pop quiz. Pick up your #2 pencils. Ready? Begin.
1. When your son says he wants to go to Busch Gardens for his birthday, and you don't want to go, but somehow, independent of all the birthday shenanigans and financial worries, you end up with free tickets, what is this called?
c) The Higher Power's way of telling you there's no way around going to Busch Gardens, a place you gladly frequented as a young adult but which now requires heavy sedation for enduring neck-lurching rides and throngs of lifeforms, some of which may be human.
d) B and C
2. The only time this year you frequent an amusement park, what will the weather be like?
a) Africa hot
b) Rain forest humid, which provides the perfect breeding ground for insects, frizzy hair, and the N1H1 virus which leaps to your nasal cavities and lungs from the infected people being herded to their imminent demise in perfectly legal
c) The bottom will drop out of the sky.
d) Really, does it even matter what the weather does when you've contracted swine flu while waiting in line to willingly set foot in a death trap?
3. When it's hotter than the wheels on a race car; so humid you need scuba gear to breathe; and you're stuck in a line with 10,000 people due to Hurricane Flossie passing through, what is the prevailing odor from which there is no escape (other than death from swine flu)?
a) Stale urine
b) Stale pee
c) Stale #1
d) Yes. That's right. That. In thick, heavy, wet air already laden with the swine flu virus.
4. The best time to exit an amusement park is:
a) Before you enter the gates
b) Before you agree to the 3-D experience, which really should be called a 3-heave experience.
c) When your throat starts bleeding from screaming on rides you'd previously sworn against, all for the sake of your son's birthday.
d) The End.