Friday, August 14, 2009

Pop Quiz



What a serene vista this is. A glassy creek; a willowy cattail; the sporadic morning glory. This is what I prefer to focus on today rather than anything that has happened this week, up to and especially including yesterday, when the Chesapeake Bay Children and I went to Busch Gardens (a Williamsburg amusement park which was my former summer employer) to celebrate CB Son's birthday thanks to a wonderful human being who gave us tickets.

Today we're launching right into a pop quiz. Pick up your #2 pencils. Ready? Begin.

1. When your son says he wants to go to Busch Gardens for his birthday, and you don't want to go, but somehow, independent of all the birthday shenanigans and financial worries, you end up with free tickets, what is this called?

a) Kismet
b) Parenthood
c) The Higher Power's way of telling you there's no way around going to Busch Gardens, a place you gladly frequented as a young adult but which now requires heavy sedation for enduring neck-lurching rides and throngs of lifeforms, some of which may be human.
d) B and C

2. The only time this year you frequent an amusement park, what will the weather be like?

a) Africa hot
b) Rain forest humid, which provides the perfect breeding ground for insects, frizzy hair, and the N1H1 virus which leaps to your nasal cavities and lungs from the infected people being herded to their imminent demise in perfectly legal torture devices death traps.
c) The bottom will drop out of the sky.
d) Really, does it even matter what the weather does when you've contracted swine flu while waiting in line to willingly set foot in a death trap?

3. When it's hotter than the wheels on a race car; so humid you need scuba gear to breathe; and you're stuck in a line with 10,000 people due to Hurricane Flossie passing through, what is the prevailing odor from which there is no escape (other than death from swine flu)?

a) Stale urine
b) Stale pee
c) Stale #1
d) Yes. That's right. That. In thick, heavy, wet air already laden with the swine flu virus.

4. The best time to exit an amusement park is:

a) Before you enter the gates
b) Before you agree to the 3-D experience, which really should be called a 3-heave experience.
c) When your throat starts bleeding from screaming on rides you'd previously sworn against, all for the sake of your son's birthday.
d) The End.

16 comments:

Grandma J said...

OMG stale pee? That would do it for me. I am not a theme park person, even though I always had an annual pass to Disney when I lived 10 miles away.

I hope the kids had a good time dispite all the humidity, heat and pee. Look at it this way, all that stuff took your mind off other stuff.

I'm anxiously awaiting my crab friend....

Pueblo girl said...

Hey! An American cutural reference I can relate to! I too have been to Busch Gardens, though over in Tampa. My one and only time in the States was a holiday in Florida, taking my spoilt nephew to attraction parks. Not my thing, and probably not the best introduction to the States. But Busch Gardens was the most bearable of all of them. At least there were animals.

And after this post, I'm going to stop complaining about the heat over here. Right. Now.

Daryl said...

Not a big fan of large unwashed masses yearning to ride and hurl but I am very glad in the midst of all that is their lives right now CBSon and Daughter got to enjoy themselves AND you have likely made HUGE points as a mom with those kids.

Living on the Spit said...

You have named all the reasons why I refuse to go to BG during the months of June, June, and August. I "might" go in late Spetember, but usually wait until October and this year I might wait until November or December!!!

I am glad that CBson had a wondergul birthday...and I had to laugh about Hurrican Flossie becuase minus the wind, that is what it has truely felt like for the past two days...

oh, yeah...that's the weather forecast for today as well.

Linda said...

What an awesome parent you are to make the ultimate sacrifice for your childs happiness.
(OMG! word verification; gasymene = gasy many! ew!)

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I love Bush Gardens. Once a year!

Ellen said...

Not a big fan of them either. Thankfully, my son was not a big fan either. Living near Six Flags in NJ you'd think he want to go there, but he's been there twice - once with myself and my brother and friends and once on a class trip in high school. My biggest complaint - too many nasty New Yorkers (sorry Daryl) - I'm talking about those gems from Brooklyn and da Bronx - the kind who wear wife beater tees, talk like the cast from Saturday Night Fever and cut in line and dare you to say something.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

I forgot one very important part of the story. After the bottom dropped out of the sky and we avoided death-by-slippery-roller-coaster, and after I nearly hurled on the 3-d thing, I officially resigned as Mother Who Willingly Participated on Rides and told them they could ride a couple more by themselves and then we'd leave.

Well, imagine my surprise when CB Son emerges from the aptly named Loch Ness Monster with one flip flop missing. While boarding the roller coaster, his flip flop came off and fell into the depths of a place that is only reachable by the devil and/or after the park closes. So, he had to limp out of the park with one shoe missing, one pale green mother with rollercoaster, humidity-induced frizzy hair, and one sister who was more than a little shocked at the day's events.

The End.

Caution Flag said...

I want a mom like you!

Your 14 year old son is very cute. Now, keep him away from my 14 year old daughter - at least until the Swine flu threat passes or he stops being so cute.

Did he lose the flipflop on the last ride? That could be a real problem if it was earlier!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

CF-Yes, thankfully it was the last ride of the day other than the hour-long ride home.

Lynne m said...

CBW, you are the bomb-diggity of moms!! I hate Busch Gardens. I hear they are going to be open longer during the year, so maybe if it weren't Africa-like, I wouldn't be so bad. Except you would still have the crowds and the pee. YUK!

Lynne M said...

OK guys, I have tried my hand at blogging. Problem is, I don't know how to find the fool thing again! It's called "Yep It's Mine and I Love It". See if ya'll can find it! I can't - WAHHHH.

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

I find very little to be amused about in so-called amusement parks. Take solace in granting the boy his wish and never speak of it again.

Ps, there's a hurricane coming? I need to start paying attention.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

lynne m - I don't see it. You may have it set so that it's private and only you can view it, only it is so private you can't find it!

are you using blogger? are you logging in using the same e-mail address you set it up with? is the www.nameoftheblog yes it's mine and i love it or is that the title and the www.name is something different?

Do not worry if my questions make no sense, they barely make any to me.

Good luck finding it. WHen you do be sure to tell us how to get to it.

foolery said...

Shhhhh, please don't say "Busch Gardens" or "amusement park" or "fun mom" so loud. My daughters might hear you.

They don't know how close Grandma lives to Disneyland because Daddy and I purposely take the 405 instead of I5 the last leg of the trip, thus avoiding any accidental Matterhorn sightings from the car.

You are an awesome fearless mom, CBW.

Mental P Mama said...

It's all A's girlfriend. Come on up to Connecticut. We have room now.