Monday, August 16, 2010

The Canoe


Once upon a time, a stressed out mother hosted a birthday party for her son and a gaggle of teenagers.

Although it was two whole days of cooking, cleaning, and waiting on people a lot of work, she was happy to be a part of such a joyous occasion.

After a never ending day chock full of fun, the teenagers partook of dinner and retreated to the living room to play video games. At night they never sleep became restless and decided they wanted to take the canoe and the row boat to the cemetery across the creek to play Ouija, because that's what all normal teenagers do, right?

All righty then. Moving right along.

The cemetery was located very close to home, directly across the creek from the stressed out mother's house.

These photos were taken looking towards that cemetery from the very vantage point the stressed out mother sat biting her fingernails waiting, except it wasn't daylight, it was pitch black night.
Oh, and the wind was blowing a clip from the northeast, much like the scene below, only without the rain.

And, of course, without the daylight:
OK, it wasn't quite that bad, but still.

Although the stressed out mother fretted the whole time, she could hear the teenagers, so she knew everyone was reasonably safe.

When they arrived back home, the son disembarked from the rowboat, approached his mother calmly and said, "When we got out at the cemetery, Jason forgot to pull the canoe up on shore, and the wind blew it away. He came home in the rowboat with us, but the canoe is gone. We looked for it. "

The mother decided then and there that she was running away from home and wondered how quickly she could acquire a ticket to Bora Bora was none too pleased with this news, particularly at the end of such a long, painful fun-filled day.

Among some of the pyrotechnic outbursts that shot forth from her mouth were, "BLEEPITY BLEEP! I CAN'T BaaLEEVE THIS! THANK GOD CHESAPEAKE BAY FATHER TAUGHT ME HOW TO DRIVE A BOAT WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER." This was screamed uttered as she threw her boat in reverse out of the boathouse in the dark; in the gale-force wind; with her daughter on the bow holding a flashlight trying to locate the canoe. In the dark. With wind. At night. Looking for a needle in a haystack canoe in the dark. Wind. Dark. Wind. Dark. Dark. And more dark. Plus some wind thrown in for good measure.

After much cussing, more than a few stomps of the foot, at least one full-on hissy fit and several conniptions, the stressed out mother and her flashlight-holding, bow-riding daughter located the canoe and dragged it back home. In the dark. And in the wind.

And everyone survived lived happily ever after.


Including the teenagers the canoe.

The End.

p.s. Dear Chesapeake Bay Son, I thoroughly enjoyed having your friends over and would do it again in a heartbeat. Speaking of hearts, though, if you'd like mine to continue beating into old age, be sure to choose another activity, such as shuffleboard or checkers pull the canoe up on shore next time. Oh, and do the boating during daylight hours. Love you!

Also, a sincere thanks to my father for teaching me at a very young age how to handle a boat. It's a life skill that has come in very, very handy.

14 comments:

Annie said...

I think there is a definite genetic streak showing up here.

Remember all those stories about how you were all left alone in your infancy and the things you got up to?

Well, what goes around comes around, and it is your turn. Your mother and father obviously decided it was definitely less stressful to not sit waiting for you to come home.

Though I haven't yet heard a story about the time you lost a canoe in the dark at night....mmm...have been been hiding anything from us?

Country Girl said...

Loved this story and your adventures on the high seas. I mean creek. Good stuff!

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

I'll file that one under "things I don't have to worry about in my immediate vicinity." And thank GAH for that because I don't know how to handle a skiff. In the dark. And the wind.

BTW, it's true, the boys that age, they don't sleep when it's dark. They are like vampires: They stay up all night (so why's it called a "sleepover"?), then crawl into their coffins and sleep all day.

Jamie said...

Glad the kids and the canoe are safe. Makes me think maybe moving down there isn't a good idea with Ethan... then I remember I'm the one who would be traveling under darkness and high winds to the graveyard across the body of water.

Daryl said...

And so ... how far had it drifted? Did they go after it AFTER they had the seance or before .. maybe they should have asked the spirits where it was .. GAH

deborah said...

Ouija so glad you got to have an interesting day..nice that the teens let you go on a scavenger hunt! All will remember you as the 'cool' mom!

Kate said...

Ha! So glad to hear that eeeeveryone had a good time! :)

Trisha said...

Boating in the dark . . . not something I would think is a good idea! Oh, the minds of teenagers!

Trisha said...

Boating in the dark . . . not something I would think is a good idea! Oh, the minds of teenagers!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Confounded teenagers! So this is what I have to look forward to? Well at least I dont live on a creek. Second thought maybe it would be better!
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foolery said...

So glad this is just a made-up story. You do have an active imagination, CBW -- where *do* you come up with these crazy characters? No stressed-out mother would willingly get into a boat in a pitch-black moonless night during a hurricaneaster with only the thin light of a flashlight to guide her and some wine for warmth.

No way.

p.s. You have a little kelp in your hair.

Mental P Mama said...

gah. No, GAH

Diane said...

Thank goodness
a: I didn't have boys
b: I don't live on the water
c: I'm not near a cemetary
d: for wine.

Hopefully you had a wee nip from the bottle after your excursion!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

To answer Daryl's very good question, the canoe had not drifted far - it was caught underneath a neighbor's dock. If it were broad daylight we'd have seen it no problem. But in the dark using a flashlight--not a spotlight--it was indeed like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Oh well, it all turned out just fine.

Thanks for reading and commenting, as always I enjoy them, just don't always have time to respond. Or breathe...