This is the Christmas tree that tries to kill me year after year.
It's an 8-foot, artificial number that I've
Of course they are noticeably absent whenever the arduous battle of CBW vs. Artificial Tree commences. The mere mention of dragging those dreaded bins up ignites flames at their heels. There's talk of homework to do and root canals to be had.
My tree is always
Actually, I love the Dollar General garlands and sometimes scatter them atop the Christmas table for an added dose of
But the Chesapeake Bay Family Christmas tree is not just about CBW toting bins loaded with prickly branches up from the
Unbeknownst to the casual observer, CBW has a theme in her decorating, and it's called
Remember Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the Christmas special that has come on every year since
Well, back when CB Son was a toddler, I bought a Rudolph tree skirt and all the Rudolph characters, which I placed in some specially designated area atop a shelf or a piece of furniture. They had their own space, these Rudolph characters, and they were arranged just so.
Now that CB Son and Daughter are older, and run like the dickens whenever this whole Christmas decorating ordeal occurs, I've taken some liberties with Rudolph and his happy clan.
Take, for example, Yukon Cornelius, below (click here for audio clip), who single-handedly demoted the Abominable Snowman to Frosty status. He doesn't look so tough when he's dangling helplessly from a tree now, does he? And is that Santa Claus way below him, unable to even make eye contact? Speaking of eyes, is that a fear of heights I see in yours, Mr. Cornelius? That's not a very good trait for a prospector. Tut-tut.
And here's old Hermey, the rebellious little misfit of an elf who wanted to be a dentist rather than make toys for the children of the world. (Click here for the audio proof.) Hermey, you should be ashamed. A dentist? Really?
Right now, he looks like he'd rather be performing a root canal. On himself.
Nice hair, Hermey. How many cleanings can you perform while teetering precariously from the end of a tree limb, hmmm?
We won't mention all the hullabaloo going on over in the Santa Claus display.
But if we were, who remembers the Saturday Night Live Mr. Bill routine? (Click here, kids, for a frame of reference.)
The Santa Claus below looks like he's saying, "Oh nooooooooooo!"
(Am I the only one who sees fear in their eyes? And yes, we're talking about inanimate Christmas decorations. Or are we?)
I promise I've not lost my last marble- it's rolling around somewhere waiting for me to pick it up and dust it off. This week has been stressful, and for some reason stress always
For those of you who celebrate Christmas, I beg you to add a dose, however slight, of silliness to your decorations. For example, hang a slice of bread (or something equally ridiculous that you or others will find funny) on an ornament hook and put it in a not-so-obvious place on your tree. Even if nobody else sees it, you'll know it's there and can have a secret snicker.
Laughter is, after all, the best medicine and to me the greatest gift, even if the source involves rebellious, misfit dentists and odd little moustached prospectors being rendered utterly and completely helpless.
'Tis the season.