Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Come Heres:Another Mathews Language Lesson

With apologies in advance for using a foul word—in the opening sentence no less--on what should otherwise be a G-rated blog.

My father often says if it weren’t for the Come Heres, we’d still be sh&tting in the ditch.

And it’s true.

In Mathews, there are two categories of citizens:

Come Heres - You moved here of your own FREE WILL and purposely selected Mathews as your residence. (Please consider scheduling an appointment with your psychotherapist. AT ONCE.) You came from some place far, far, away. A place with fine dining, places to shop, bike paths, walking trails, indoor plumbing and non-lethal drinking water.

From Heres – You were born in Mathews and/or lived here the vast majority of your life. You tend to be suspicious of the Come Heres because they’re City Folk who might try to change things, such as people sh&tting in ditches. From Heres generally have strong family ties to the area, and it isn't unusual for their family tree to be traced back several hundred years. Most From Heres know one another, and if they don’t, they will talk it through until they find another From Here they both know. Then everything is right with the world.

As you can imagine, there can be friction between these two groups. The From Heres really don’t think the Come Heres understand much about living in Mathews. The Come Heres can’t believe the importance the From Heres place on being from Mathews.

When a Come Here tries to open up a bank account or even write a check at the grocery store, they’re asked to show birth certificate, passport, photos of all children, and a complete genealogy or family tree in the hopes that there is someone, ANYONE, related to them with a valid Mathews connection, where connection = From Here. If not, then the Come Here better KNOW a whole bunch of From Heres. They must state the names of these From Heres, their relationship, how long they’ve known them and how far from them they live.

When a From Here opens a bank account, they walk in, say hi to every single person in the bank, catch up on local gossip, make the transaction and promise to bring by an apple pie later on. No identification required.

As time passes by, however, I’ve noticed that the Come Heres seem to be taking over, and the From Heres seem fewer and farther between. This is not a bad thing, just an observation.

Come Heres can be good. At least we’re not sh&tting in ditches anymore.


foolery said...

Oh yes, I know very well. My small town -- just under 7000 in the city limits now, but it's grown by 2000 and 3 stoplights since we became Come Here's. Most people are friendly -- not apple pie friendly, but friendly. But you Can. Not. say anything bad about someone, because the odds are that the person you are talking to is related to the person you would slander.

Not the least bit offended by your father's turn of phrase, and I'm now planning how to work it into polite conversation. :)

Ann Marie aka Carly said...

Yea.. ok so I am reading way back but I couldn't help it I am loving this... but you forgot a group... the Come BACK Here's You know the ones of us who left and then remembered.. and decided.. oh crap.. I liked it there! and went back
Oh FYI I told Baby Sister to tell you to email me I have a barn you HAVE to get a shot of before it falls.. I mean like in the next week!
Ann Marie