Today and tonight we're under a flood watch, which means that AT ANY MOMENT WATER WILL COME GUSHING INTO MY GARAGE, MAKE ITS WAY UPSTAIRS AND DROWN US ALL. It also means that I am sure that the boat we store in our circa-1970's boathouse (in a state of disrepair) will SINK because the tide will rise too high and will smoosh (that's a nautical term) it against the roof of the boathouse, causing water to come gushing in, causing the doggone think to SINK.
And the reason the boat will sink is because it is practically new and we never, EVER, use it, and of course there's only forty-two years of payments left on it. The reason we don't use it is because (a) gas costs more than PLATINUM and (b) using it would imply we know how to navigate.
I could very well post a picture of how the tide is up over the dock right now, and I could WADE out to the end of the dock and try and snap a photo of the boat on its way to being SUNK, but that would ruin my whole state of denial. Because if I don't actually SEE it sinking, then there is still the possibility that it isn't (even though it just HAS to be based on how high the water is right now).
In other flooding news, my KITCHEN SINK IS CLOGGED AND THERE IS A POOL OF NASTY, GARBAGE-FILLED BLACK WATER approximately one foot deep lying stagnant in the sink.
When it rains, it pours. It's gonna be a long, sleepless night.