Saturday, August 9, 2008

Good to be Back

Below is a short list of random thoughts from my vacation:

1. I feel like I've been pulled backwards through a keyhole.

2. I feel like a one-legged man in an a**-kickin' contest.

3. I sang "Brick House" with Chesapeake Bay Father, Middle Sis and Little Sis during a Freak and Rare Karaoke Incident. Ears and eyes may never be the same again. And CB Son filmed it.

4. I met lovely Meg from soupisnotafingerfood and proved once and for all that a 97 year-old nursing home patient has more computer savvy than I do. It was great meeting her and her family.

5. As a practical joke, I encouraged my children to put some raw hamburger meat IN THE BED of a houseguest who is a vegetarian. It sounded good--if not hilarious-- at the time, but the shame was we forgot about it. And Vegetarian House Guest didn't find it until 3:00 a.m. after the meat had soaked through the sheets. This was most unpleasant, in spite of how funny it seemed at the time I suggested it.

6. Chesapeake Bay Woman, also known as me or I, spilled enough red wine all over white carpets and soaked a bed with raw hamburger meat to ensure that her security deposit is not only depleted, but will amount to this by the time the cleaners are done assessing the damage: Please trot down to the bank and take out a second mortgage.

7. No matter which bathing suit I put on, be it the one-piece, or the "old woman and the skirt"-style, or the two -piece that I felt necessary to purchase after realizing I was the ONLY female on the entire East Coast wearing anything but a two-piece, no matter which one of those I put on, I would ride the crest of a wave only to be flung fiercely down into the sand at which point any part of any bathing suit I had on ended up here: wrapped around my head or conveniently located 500 yards away up on the beach where this many people were watching the activities unfold: FOUR HUNDRED MILLION, or the equivalent of every single family east of the Mississippi.

Because that's who we vacationed with. Every single family east of the Mississippi.

Thank goodness I'm back in non-civilization. Civilization and I don't mix well.

Can't wait to get caught up! Right now I have to get ready for a crab steam, which is not where Chesapeake Bay Woman jumps into a pot of boiling water, but where she wishes she could.

I missed everyone and look forward to getting back to "normal" whatever that is. Hopefully it will involve some pictures and some writing that is above first-grade level. First-grade is about the best I can do today. And probably tomorrow too.

Happy Saturday!

cbw

6 comments:

Grandma J said...

Welcome back! I feel so much better knowing that you are just a keystroke away.
I scared myself laughing at your first of many (I hope) vacation posts. I actually think I lost conciousness....my head spun around from lack of oxygen because when you laugh, you exhale...and I kept exhaling.
I have another Jack to post shortly, but I also have one to post about my past BF. It's a toss up.
but I really want to hear about your body surfing and clam steaming...Kareoke? I know I sp that wrong.

Mental P Mama said...

OMG! So you had fun?;)

soupisnotafingerfood said...

Glad you made it back. My husband the Drill Seargent had us up and out the door at 6am because apparently sitting in more than a moment of traffic is a fate worse than Hades. We were home in record time.

My vacation post is going to be great and as soon as I suck it out of my brain and commit it to my blog you all might agree. I do agree with CBW that much of the East Coast was hanging out at the beach within close proximity of where CBW and I were staying (about 5 miles of Carolina beach separated us, which I guess is good because I didn't smell the rotting ground beef).

CBW, don't forget to pack the carpet stain remover next year! We sure could've used some of that in our house.

tj said...

...Welcome Back girl! :oD Yes, the separation of bathing suit from CBW's body was all over CNN... And tell CBSon that there's big money from yours truly if he releases the Karaoke video... tap,tap,tap, Do you read me CBSon, over and out...lol... ;o)

...Enjoy your crab steam tonight! Again, happy to have you back!

...Blessings... :o)

Anonymous said...

This video of Brickhouse, we must see this.We have to stream this on the internet. We could block your faces off. I am about to die laughing at the thought of it.
You go, cbw, You still got it! I would love to hear sisters vacation story contributions. Am also looking forward to more of mothers stories. She is just as hilarious as you.
Happy Sunday and it is great to have you back! Missed you lots!

foolery said...

Okay, this is AT LEAST the third time I have checked in here, only to be continually pulled away or otherwise distracted while trying to read.

I FINALLY read it. This does not mean that I didn't miss you -- of course I did -- only that I have had my brain erased recently and all new data is inputting as offs and ons or Xs and Os or 1 and 0s or whatever the proper code is

BUT IT DOES NOT COMPUTE!

Also, I'm tired and hungry. The end.

Glad like heck that you're back, CBW, and take plastic sheets on your next trip.

Love,

Laurie @ Foolery

121212XOXOXOoffonoffonoffon