Sunday, August 10, 2008

Outer Banks Vacation

The following was written by Chesapeake Bay Mother about events that transpired prior to arriving at the Chesapeake Bay Family Outer Banks, North Carolina, vacation.
"At six something, Husband woke me to complete the last-minute preparations for a long-awaited three days away from Home Sweet Home.

Among the chores to be completed:

- Feed and water dogs, cats, ducks, goose;
-Conduct last-minute litter pan changes;
- Taxi dogs to "Gone to the Dogs" boarding kennel;
- Provide kennel-cough vaccination proof;
- Haul backwards out of kennel denting Nice Lady's car;
- Exchange insurance info with Nice Lady;
- Once home, do final A/C adjustments (CBW's Editorial Note: The air conditioning adjustments were not for the house, they were for a side porch on which she kept several hundred cats for the 3 days she was going to be away. She installed not one, but two window units to ensure the cats were cool enough. Mind you, she does not even have two window units in the portion of the house SHE lives in, but this is neither here nor there);
- Try to load bags, losing favorite shoes in process;
- Look 20 minutes for shoes;
- Husband finds them;
-We're off to the beach.
- 30 minutes from home, remember I left hose running in the duck bucket.
- Husband pulls over in Historic Yorktown and calls friend to take care of that and
- We're off again.

Peace. Away. Beach. Hamburger. (CBW Note: Not to be confused, at all, with the raw hamburger we placed in Vegetarian Guest's bed.) Broken tooth. And we are writing our journal and remember that we can't recall turning off yet another hose (this one yellow) used for watering petunias and the flock of sixty wild geese who come to the back door complaining about the lack of water in this weather - we never get a break. All this and the day is still young. Just don't ask for whom the bell tolls, I don't want to know.

Later that day: One broken molar on the left that I prayed about last night now has another little Broken Friend on the right. I'm praying the fillings still clinging remain to prevent throbbing agony of an exposed nerve or nerves. Eating is no longer an option, but that is a blessing considering I have contracted Montezuma's Revenge * somewhere, somehow. "Oh Death, where is thy sting?!" (That Shakespeare sure could hit the hammer on the finger.)

Youngest Daughter has unending back pain. Stay tuned, there's always the remote possibility this could all end badly.

* In case you don't know, Montezuma's Revenge is the revolt of your gastrointestinal tract against something you drank or ate that "wasn't quite right." Mine is a weapons grade exhaust....I believe I am blowing straight "yellow cake" now. Somehow my body has managed to manufacture uranium."
- Chesapeake Bay Woman's Mother

Greetings, folks. After that last paragraph, complete with the lovely asterisk and uranium reference, as if we don't already know what Montezuma's Revenge is, I must now crawl under the covers, pull them over my head, and remain that way until the year 2045. Please put this in a time capsule and label it: Way Too Much Information To Be Handled In The Year 2008.

-Chesapeake Bay Woman


Living on the Spit said...

Well, I certainly hope things are going better...what a way to start a vacation!

Mental P Mama said...

"Blowing Yellow Cake" will go down in the annals as one of the best euphemisms for the runs. EVER.

tj said...

...Hi CBW & CBMom! Oh lordy, "blowin' straight yellow cake" - is that anything similar to "I could sh*t thru a screen door"? lol... :oD The visuals I got and so early in the day too! lol...

...I think you could appropriately label this one: "Way Too Much Information To Be Handled EVAH" ;o)

...Ya'll are the BEST!

...Have a great Monday & blessings too... :o)

Bear Naked said...

Chesapeake Bay Woman's Mother:
You certainly do have a way with words, don't you?
How very descriptive!

Bear((( )))

Grandma J said...

I need more of this! All the hoses! All the pets, and unrelated animals that drop in for a drink or bite. Question for Chesapeake Bay Mother; is a flock of geese bigger or smaller than a gaggle of geese? Maybe younger, older....lame?
Oh Monezuma'a revenge! I think I've had the original version years ago in Mexico straight from the tap before they had purified water. Never could understand why the locals never got sick.
I can't wait for the next installment!

Anonymous said...

They AWOKE at 6? My traffic-averse husband had us one hour into our trip at 6am!!!

And that yellow cake reference? Ew. Does she know that other people besides her kin read this? I had never heard TJ's euphemism for THAT either. Y'all are just gross.

Big Hair Envy said...

We always leave at 5 a.m. for an OBX vacation. Of course, that means we are eating at Sam & Omie's by 9 a.m. It's a family tradition:)

I don't believe I will ever be able to eat YELLOW CAKE again......

foolery said...

Dear Chesapeake Bay Matriarch,

I'm sending this letter to Duncan Hines. I think they need to work this into their advertising plan.

Or maybe not. I am pretty tired, after all.

Loved. It.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Hey, everyone. Thanks for indulging. I am just recovering from no internet access due to faulty phone lines for 16 of the longest hours that ever felt like 200. Hopefully I"ll get something new on here so we can forget we ever heard about yellow cake.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

Your mum slays me! Seriously, I don't care if my daughter never finishes the fourth book in a series we are both reading, so long as I can continue to read little tidbits from your mum, I will be a happy camper - no pun intended.

well read hostess said...

This is so funny, because, although I drop in from pretty regularly at Chesapeake Bay Woman, I had not seen this post. The post of mine you responded to detailed MY preparations for my vacation in the exact same place you just returned from!

I'll try to continue your good time. Keep those photographs coming. We spend a bit of time on the Bay, and your beautiful images and words might help me convince my husband that a permanent move would be in order!