Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Goose is Named

This is a profile view of my mother's Nameless Killer Goose poised on my lawn mower. Don't be surprised if you see this exact same photo in a post office near you after he achieves his lifelong goal of landing on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list.

Chesapeake Bay Mother spent a lot of time carefully considering all the names and comments submitted for Friday's Name that Goose contest. There were also some who suggested that perhaps He was a She in spite of his aggressive, killer tendencies.

After contemplating all the entries and pondering this He vs. She dilemma, she offers this reply:

" Gustav (pronounced Goosetoff) may stick, and thank you for so many clever suggestions.

The perplexity of not knowing the true nature and traits of the subject is a definite obstacle to popping out the perfect fit in a name. I know him; and he is a him. To those who think differently, I can only attest to the fact that in nine years, he has laid exactly 0 eggs. His mate, who is deceased, laid an average of 20 or 30 at a time, which is probably what killed her. Those things are huge! He has also engaged in life and death struggles with the late Ralph, who would have easily killed a female. I, having to separate them, know this well. Perhaps he just photographs wimpy and feminine.

Enough apologizing.

'Cookie' gets honorable mention, if only for the fact that Grandma J. sent herself to bed.

To TJ: A Roomba lawn mower? My nightmare come true. Nothing scares the sh?t out of me like a robot.* Remember in '2001' and '2010' (the books and movies), when HAL the master computer from Hell knocked off most of the original crew and his big red 'eye' didn't even blink? Remember the crazed Cub Cadet that tried to kill me offering nary an excuse? When a man-made machine cozies up to me, my innards spin like a Cuisinart and I feel the urge to freak big time. Just be careful what you wish for."
- Chesapeake Bay Mother

Mindless ChatterAdditional Input from Chesapeake Bay Woman

* Although this has absolutely nothing to do with naming a goose, I have to chime in and say that I, for one, will take the Roomba lawn mower that Chesapeake Bay Mother is afraid of. In fact, I'd like to take that Roomba lawn mower and aim it right towards the goose pen, or the Gustav pen, as it were. By so doing I can provide a much-needed distraction that will buy me enough time to cross the yard to see my parents next door. Otherwise, it's like Cato vs. Inspector Clouseau where that goose just appears from nowhere ready to kill. In fact, if I had to name the beast, I'd call him Cato. I think I will.

Thanks to all of you who participated. I know Baby Sis suggested Goosetav, but an anonymous person proposed Cato Gustav the Guard Goose before she did. If Anonymous would like to discuss a reward, please email me at Congratulations! You have successfully named that devil goose.


Grandma J said...

I can't believe I got an honorable mention! I'm hoping to get a picture of me and Gustav in July. You know, with our arms/wings around each other. Be glad I'm not bringing JJ he would chase that goose like no one's business.

this should be fun....kisses for Gustav!

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Can someone make sure Gustav is behind a locked gate in July? I'm still traumatized from when that goose chased me in the Metro parking lot. I live near the city; I shouldn't have to deal with that.

Mental P Mama said...

Is he going to be at the blogfest?

Caution Flag said...

Meeting Gustav could be life-changing, and maybe not in a picture-perfect way. The robot-mower, however, is another story.

Daryl said...

Is this Goose coming to the BlogFest? Oy ... I am a city girl I know few things about gooses

one is when you get your ass goosed
another is the filling on my duvet and pillow
and the last is the filler in those Michelin man coats ...

if it aint one of those I dont wanna know it

Annie said...

Ah, well done everyone , the goose is named! If only he knew what a celebrity he has become on the internet!

And, by the way, my daughter (reliably) informs me that there IS a rhoomba lawn mower. She says she saw it when she was ordering her rhoomba vacuum cleaner! So watch out goosie...sorry, Gustav, there may be one coming to a yard near you soon...!

I am so glad you have been gradually warning people of all the dangers Chesapeake Bay presents, before they sign up for blogfest. I am a little relieved that I am not coming, not sure I could cope with so many potential dangers!!!


Big Hair Envy said...

Congrats to the winners!!!

I'm guessing that all blog fest guests will have to travel the grounds via Rhoomba - in order to avoid the wrath of the heinous Gustav?? Bwahahaha!

mmm said...

Congrats, anonymous. Perhaps the reward will be a golden egg.

Anonymous said...

I didn't see any mention of a congrats to me, Baby Sis, so I'm patting myself on the back ,thank you.
I hope all of you freaks know what you're in for regarding the blogfest. Encountering GOOSEtav is the least of your worries!
Baby Sis
Shamus should have been in the honorable mention category.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

To Anyone Worried about Gustav at Blog Fest:

He rarely if ever ventures into this yard. You will, however, need to proceed with caution if you wish to walk around my parents' yard next door, although perhaps Chesapeake Bay Mother will keep him penned up during that weekend. Maybe zipped up in the duck tent, even.

Baby Sis, my goodness we are feisty today. If it makes you feel any better Anonymous who came up with Gustav said you were creative and clever to come up with the spelling of Goosetav (in a separate e-mail to me). Why don't you and Middle Sis discuss the pros and cons of naming the goose Sammy Davis, Jr., and then report back to me about who in this clan is freakish.

Blog Fest Freak

p.s. Perhaps I'll make up some T-shirts with our slogan on it: I'm a Blog Fest Freak. I'll save one especially for you that says Baby Freak.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

My shirt will say Super Freak.

There'll also be Mental Freak, Grandma Freak, Soup Freak, Foolery Freak, the list just goes on and on.

OK, I'm tired of saying freak now. Thanks,Baby Sis, for introducing that word into the skipping record of voices I hear in my head.


big hair envy said...

Freakin' AWESOME!!!!

Grandma J said...

I hope the shirts say Freakin' Awesome Blosfest.

And how did baby sis know I was a freak? Somebuddy peaked!!

Grandma J said...

I meant, Freakin' Awesome Blogfest.

It's late and I can't spell.

foolery said...

I just thought of something else gooses are famous for, and I'm late enough typing this that probably no one will read it but CBW . . .

"like sh** through a Goose."

Which is absolutely true. Their alimentary canals are like the Alaska pipeline. You put food in one end and it races through the goose to the other aperture and


And that's what I know about gooses in its entirety. : )