Friday, March 12, 2010


Today was supposed to be a post about an article in this week's paper, or possibly a brief discussion of the old Farmers Bank of Mathews, or maybe even a little something about the spate of warm temperatures recently. There were several things swirling around in my head and they all came grinding to a halt thanks to two cardiac events.

Example One
After school, the Chesapeake Bay Children and I leisurely lingered on the front porch, soaking in the sporadic rays of sunlight and inhaling the smells of wet earth and Almost Spring. We laughed and chatted and enjoyed the fresh air.

When I said something about fixing supper, they announced they were going for a ride out in the fields in the Gator, which for the unacquainted is a four-wheeled contraption with a small bed on the back, sort of a combination golf cart, ATV, tractor and wagon all rolled into one.

When they didn't return in a reasonable amount of time, I immediately knew they were all rolled into one, upside down in the middle of the field or in a ditch, with the contraption on top of them.

Or, alternatively, they were just playing basketball with the neighbors. One or the other.

Finally, just about the time I gnawed off my last good toenail fingernail, into the house they trudged, completely covered in mud, eyes wide as saucers, nervously pacing, wringing hands and breathing heavily.

The good news was they weren't upside down in a ditch! I could see so with my own two eyes.

The bad news was the Gator was halfway submerged in a swamp on someone else's property. Blah blah blah a story for another time blah blah many, many lessons were learned and everything is fine now except my cardiovascular system. The End.

Example Two
After tucking CB Daughter in to bed and saying goodnight to Chesapeake Bay Son, I come downstairs to hear an excited raptaptapping on the sliding glass door which faces my parents' house and is the one and only door they use to come into my house. (Usually they don't knock though.) I hollered for the person to come in and it's Chesapeake Bay Mother wearing her Oh Dear, There's Something Very Wrong face.

Chesapeake Bay Woman: "What's wrong, is everything OK?"

CB Mother, looking extremely distraught and anguished:"No!"

CBW: "Oh no, is CB Daddy OK?"

CB Mother: "It's the little kitty. She's not doing well."

CBW (swallowing her heart, which had just leapt up into her throat): "Oh thank God! There are no people sick or hurt?"

CB Mother: "No, but I've got to get her to the vet. She's had six kittens and she's just not doing well. Can I borrow your car? Mine is low on gas and I've got to get her to Middlesex."

CBW: Does the math and realizes that 1 mother cat + 6 kittens = 7 cats. 7 cats + the existing cat population + 3 flocks of Canada geese + Gustave the killer goose + 3 lame ducks + 3 dogs brings the total cat population in Chesapeake Bay Family's Wild Kingdom to Infinite.

CBW, still adjusting to the shock that someone might be dead and then realizing instead there at least 7 more cats: "Sure."

CBW: Wonders if she'll have her car back by the morning, when she has to drive the CB Children--who just hours ago were in her mind lying upside down in a ditch--to school where they have to take exams.

CBW: Really needs a vacation. Is very grateful that all human beings are OK as of the writing of this post. She'll report on the status of kittens and mother cat tomorrow, after she transports her children to school in the mud-coated Gator since her car is being used as a cat ambulance.

The End


Grandma J said...

Oh no! I know it's not the end of the world, but I also know that it almost is for your mom! I hope all of her kittys are ok...especially momma cat.

Mud and ditches...the fun part of growing up.

I need a vacation too.

Karen Deborah said...

Well you sucked me right into that one. I got a good case of anxiety myself. I love your mother even if she is, well actually because she is so excentric. Your family is a steady flow of inspirational and colorful writing. The problem is what to do for your nerves if you still have some.

Ann Marie said...

oh goodness! I was picturing wrecks and broken bones and very sick people too! Which either means... I am mentally getting better and coming up to your level... or well.. the opposite. Sorry babe.

Still in OBX doing ok...
Miss you... haven't been reading much I am sorry.

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Hey! Ann Marie! I want to be in OBX!!! I'll be down in 6 hours.

CBW - we had drama this week, too... but more of the variety where teachers call and email home and their messages most assuredly have the subtext of, "what kind of parent ARE YOU??". Or maybe I'm extrapolating. But still.

So we'll all want to know that the kitty cat (and mom) are ok - do let us know.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

The best part of all is that as I wrote this post last night, my Baby Sister texted me, "Did you know that CB Mother is making an emergency trip to the vet? What happened?"

I can type 100+ words per minute, but I cannot text well, in fact I HATE texting. But I played along. Baby Sis, having all the patience of a baby gnat, texted me while I was still composing my response, "HELLOOO!!!!" she says.

This just about pushed me over the edge for a cardiac event, however after several messages back and forth I finally was able to convey that it was a new stray cat having kittens.

She said, "So none of the animals are DEAD? SIX more kittens?!! Sorry to bother you."

To which I responded, "Welcome to my world."

Bayman said...

I hear you, Meg. The school sends me an e-mail alert when my son is actualy IN SCHOOL.

Pueblo girl said...

Drama? Animals? Hah! Whippet appears to have eaten a big bee in the garden, or some toxic leaves, or perhaps both, and I am spending my morning alternating between wiping up copious amounts of frothy sick and caressing his silky forehead while he moans sadly. Brilliant.

Mrs F with 4 said...

I think I need to send you some Bachs Rescue Remedy... before children I used to use a couple of drops at particularly stressful times... dentist, house move, board presentation... AFTER children? Well, I just wish it came in a vat, not a tiny bottle.... Do you have/want some?

Although, perhaps a bling-bling donut (or five) might help?

Thanks for reminding me of a(nother) good reason that my mother lives 3000 miles away from me...

Drama in this household last night was thankfully merely that when I said to Mr F (newly home from a lengthy trip to Asia), "Hmmm, I'd like to paint the entire downstairs of the house...", he responded with "Actually, I've been thinking, and I think it's time we did some renovating". By which he means "Lets add an extra garage, convert one of the others into a mudroom and an office, add two new bedrooms and a laundry room upstairs, and replace the hideous solarium with a nice oak-framed sunroom.

Next time, I think I'll just paint while he's away....

big hair envy said...

Ok, I'll just go ahead and admit it....I feel your mother's anguish! PLEASE don't forget to let us know about Mama Cat!!

LMAO @ Bayman!!!

WV: hationve
Is that Latin for 'Hat Envy'?

ghostless said...

I have done CPR on a new born foal, my poodle, and a half drowned kitten, all I guess that puts me in there with your mom! Please let me know how she is doing and the cat/kittens.

Mental P Mama said...

Oh no! So glad the CB babies are okay! And let me know about the kitties.

Trisha said...

Wow - you did have a stressful day, didn't you? I am so glad that all of the humans are okay and that the feline is being taken care of properly.

I will be waiting to hear that everyting is okay.

Daryl said...

Oh I hope little mama cat is okay .. so about that vacation ... once you get the cat ambulance, er, car back why not head on up I95 and spend a weekend with your Northern Blisters....

WVL racreati .. its what one does when they learn all their worry was for naught.. they racreati

Breezeway said...

Glad to see that someone else's life is as crazy (ridiculous) as mine! That didn't really come out right, because I wish your life was easy sailing, but it IS nice to know that I'm not alone =) Generally, just when I think I might have a quiet,peaceful evening, someone throws a major wrench in it! But it keeps life interesting, so I guess I won't complain toooo much! Hope the kitty is doing well!

Living on the Spit said...

Awww, sendng you a big hug. I am so glad that the kids are okay...I would have been having a heart attack as well.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Just breath as you say! It's gonna be alright! See you Sunday!

big hair envy said...

Blog Fest Attendees!!!! Please come over to my site and give us some fodder, um, suggestions for Blog Fest!! We are meeting again this weekend, and NOW is the time to let your voices be heard;)


TSannie said...

Gotta know the end of this story. Or stories.

Better keep a bottle of aspirin handy. It'll help stave off ~the big one~!

Country Girl said...

You are so funny. I love how you tell a tale. We had a gator on one of the many horse farms where we lived. Our sons adored the gator. It was actually pretty beneficial learning to drive and all. And only one little accident. So I consider us lucky. Too bad about yours, though. I'm just glad nobody was hurt.

nativedevil said...

Hope your day was better than your night. Miss you on Facebook. Check out my blog sometime-it's gets going March 16th

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

As of 6 p.m. Mother Cat is alive and well as are the six kittens. CB Mother, also alive and well, reports that one infant is a calico. (How she could discern that when all I saw was fur and feet is beyond me.)

But all is well here at Lion Country Safari.

Mrs. F - Please send kegs of the remedy.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Oh, and Native Devil- I am sorry that I don't get on Facebook any more - it messes with my computer--but I am very much looking forward to your blog.

Mathews Devil is a friend from high school who has many stories and life experiences and bits of wisdom to share. Please check out his blog when it debuts on March 16th. (MD - If you e-mail me at I can put you in touch with another MHS grad who is in the same line of work and who recently started a blog. I think you'd have a lot in common.)

Happy Friday, all, and thanks for commenting.

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Bayman, can I sign up for that? Might need that when the eldest hits high school next year.

Mrs F with 4 said...

CBW - email me where to send the remedy and I will post it to you. You have my email address?

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Mrs. F - I don't think I have your e-mail address. If you send it to the I'll send you my address. But I'd hate to have you spend so much on postage, because a keg, well, that's heavy. Do they make it in powder form?

Caution Flag said...

You are a good daughter. The ASPCA must love you. Glad the kids (all varieties) are safe

Anonymous said...

Don't visit near as often as I should, but it's good to see that you are still on top of your game.

Got your Blog Fest gifts all lined up and ready, well at least 6 of them anyway.

(Single Male Blog Stalker)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Hey there, Mr. Single Male Blog Stalker, glad to hear from you.

Blog Fest gifts? This is very exciting, very exciting indeed. But I'm very curious as to what they are, you must give a hint.

Is a pool involved?

Anonymous said...


You'll be giving away gift baskets to all Fest attendees and in each basket is a fresh, new..... kitten.

Have thought of a minor flaw....since BFest is still a couple months away, you want to start work on a new, fresher batch!


ps. Trust me, if I had the capabilities of being a pool boy, the bulldozers might have already been at your door. Rather, as you've seen, I'm closer to the classic defination of an 'ex' - ocassionally visiting and full of broken promises to do more in the future. As always, it's a motivation issue.

....though, the word verification might be a step in the right direction, 'pantles'.... :)

Happy Spring!!