Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Farmhouse




Once upon a time,
In a place far away,
Lived a tiny little county
On the Chesapeake Bay.

A husband and wife
From way far from here,
Determined that Mathews
Was where they must steer.

They lived another life
In a place far away,
Their house it was modern
In every way.

The Husband loved fishing
And worshipped the water,
The Wife loved her horses
And saddles and halters.

One day on a whim
They decided to buy
A lonely old farmhouse
Sight unseen, on the fly.

When he travelled to Mathews
To put down the money,
The husband took pictures
To send to his honey.

As she stared at the photos
He'd sent by e-mail,
She spotted A Something
That caused her to wail flail.

The yard contained tombstones
Resembling a cemetery,
Although not a deal breaker
She did become wary think it was scary.

And then one more thing
When the Husband walked through,
There were very low ceilings
And only one loo.

The couple determined
That this was not bad,
But the one thing discovered
That did make them sad

Was the fact that the house had no kitchen. Seriously.

The End.

p.s.

Once upon a time,
Not so long ago,
Someone wished to retire
In a place called Onemo.

They've put down a contract
On a very old house,
That hopefully will satisfy
Both Him and His Spouse.

May the one or twelve quirks
Of our quaint little county,
Not discourage them away
From all of our bounty.

Such as crickets, mosquitoes
And one or two crabs,
And herons and snakes
And those fiddler crabs.

To the Couple Who's Moving
From parts far away,
We welcome you happily,
To the Chesapeake Bay.

p.s. This is really the end.

15 comments:

foolery said...

Can you go back to the part about snakes and substitute WINE?

Poisonous snakes are a deal-breaker for Foolery. The ghosts may stay as long as they stay the hell out of the wine.

Big congratulations to the new Onemo residents, and see you at Blogfest next year!

And best of luck to our man BUD -- Tuesday, right? GO TEAM!

TSannie said...

OK - what the hell is the rest of these stories/poems??? They're wonderful, but SO MANY QUESTIONS unanswered!!!

TSannie said...

By the way, just read my comment and quite obviously, my command of the written English language sucks.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

The poem was written hastily at the 11th hour last night, but it's based on a true story of a couple who is moving to Mathews/Onemo. I'll provide more details later, right now I've gotta run to work.

If the person for whom this poem was written reads today, maybe she can fill in any details that may not have been included in the poem, such as what that cemetery really is (may surprise you), or exactly how low the ceilings are, or the other challenges the house presents.

Foolery-Yes, I'm thinking this newcomer would enjoy our little blogger gathering next summer. I'm going to drive down to see her once they're here - she's already given me permission to trespass and take photos.

TSA-Your command is just fine, but thanks for making me laugh before I've even smelled my coffee this morning.

Off to the races, back on much later tonight. Have a great Tuesday.

Annie said...

off to the races? You have the famous Melbourne Cup there too?

Ann Marie said...

welcome to the county Ghostless!!!!

Mental P Mama said...

I hope she reads this!

Daryl said...

No kitchen? That would not stop me, I dont cook .. if there are electrical outlets for my coffee maker I am good to go .. of course ToonMan would insist on a stove ... but I could live on take out, take away... whatever its called down thar

WHO IS MOVING?

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Daryl, there IS no takeout in Onemo! But assuming they have CURRENT, they can plug in a microwave and a mini-fridge and voila, Lean Cuisine and Easy-Mac for everyone.

I can't wait to hear more about Ghostless's adventures and hope she decides to write about it all.

Linda said...

I have a sign hanging in my kitchen that reads
'I only have a kitchen because it came with the house' So the no kitchen thig is goo for me too. Besides most everything can be cooked on the grill right?

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I hope they like to "laugh alot"!
<><

foolery said...

Could. Not LIVE. without a kitchen. It's my favorite room of the house, as is evidenced by the size of my butt.

HOWEVER, would be willing to buy a house without a kitchen if there were funds for remodeling, which would really mean shouting directions at cute construction workers from the safety of my makeshift bar.

ghostless said...

O.k. guys and gals, the poem is for real. My husband has always wanted to live in Mathews as he comes there to boat and fish. I get seasick! We live in Craig county on a mountain...he hates it, I love it except the 60 mile per hour winds at night during the winter. Anyway, we have only lived here 3 years because of his job, originally from Richmond area. Moved here, he got transferred in 3 months, that was 3 yrs ago, real estate market crashed, so we finally slashed the price on our house, sold it and have to move in 30 days. Well, we thought we knew the house we wanted, went to put a contract on it, and while our realtor was picking up the key from the owners' realtor, they called and got a quick contract first, and so it went on 3 other houses. I had seen this house from the road and liked the property, but I like contemporary houses, this house was built in 1910...which is ok. I am a farm girl and the farm is beautiful for my horses. Well, I looked at it on the website, and the owners are obviously civil war buffs, because it is beautifully decorated entirely in antiques of the civil war, furniture, pictures, pots, brooms, swords, ink wells, claw foot bath, wood stove, no kitchen...a room but no counters, cabinets, ice box, no sink, no stove, nothing, 5 windows, 2 doors, nothing!! And I am a good cook with the weight to prove it! My husband is also a relatively short fella, and he is on the cell phone describing the house to me and tells me he can touch the ceilings upstairs. Now mind you he is as happy as one of those little fiddler crabs because he is in Mathews and has found us a house. Now this love of my life has been supportive of my horse life for 32 years of marriage, and has found a beautiful farm, so I am trying to be enthusiatic as he about this house. The owners have provided a cd of photos that they have taken over the years as they have remodeled their house. Mike, my husband, comes home late Saturday night...Halloween, and I anxiously pop in the cd. and am looking at all of these museum quality rooms in this house, when I start getting photo after photo of this family cemetery. Now mind you I joined this blog, tag name Ghostless, I will tell those stories much much later in life. But I ain't looking for no ghosts! and as I count the head stones, I am looking at 8 interred bodies!
I am ready to recall the contract, but I can't find the cemetery on the plat...it's then that I think...pet cemetery??!! So I use PhotoPaint and enlarge the photo and sure enough amid the nice fencing and cement benches for the mourners I notice that the stones are blank side walk pavers...so it must be a pet cemetery. The next morning my realtor calls....no! It's a fake cemetery to add to the civil war atmosphere!!
I don't know if the South shall rise again....but it isn't going to rise in my back yard!!! Dead or alive...fake or real!
So the nice old 1910 house is going to be 1930's art deco, 1950's retro, and 2009 contemporary. And if there are any ghosts...I hope they leave with the antiques!
p.s. gotta find a way to add a 2nd bath if this marriage is going to survive!

ghostless said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

I'm sorry, but ghostless has insured I cannot comment any further because I am laughing too hard at "the south shall rise again but not in my back yard dead or alive" statement.

p.s. Also, it's late and I can't do anything except try to get some sleep before the alarm goes off at ODark-Thirty.

Thanks to all of you for commenting and stopping by, and stay tuned. Something tells me there will be more to come with this farmhouse. I can't wait.