Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Gustav and Friends


Here is my mother's killer goose, Gustav, frolicking amongst daffodils with one of his friends from Canada. I snuck up on him the other day and overheard this conversation:

Gustav: "Did you hear all the commotion going on around these parts last night?"

Canada Goose: "No, I had to run up the creek and spend the night with my wife in the cove. She gets mad if I stay out past sunset because she has to sit on the nest all day long without a break and claims she has to do 'everything' while I'm out gallivanting with those white geese."

Gustav: "Well, count your lucky stars. That crazy, frizzy-haired Chesapeake Bay Woman next door was whoopin' and hollerin' last night, and nobody could sleep."

Canada Goose: "I've heard similar antics during the day and pretend not to notice. What happened this time--ants everywhere? Snakes in the yard? Spiders? Rodents in the attic? A dead opossum on the shoreline? Fiddler crabs in the garage? Have mercy, it's always something goin' on over there."

Gustav: "No. This was a different sort of shriek. Evidently after a long day at work, she came home and ran around like a chicken with her head but unfortunately not that frizzy hair cut off. Hoping to soothe her last unplucked nerve, she gave the shower door a good yank and it fell off its hinges, sending her backwards as she struggled to keep the glass door upright."

Canada Goose: "What is wrong with her that every day something either breaks, invades her home, or turns into a disaster?"

Gustav: "She's a magnet for disasters. I try to keep my distance and when she gets too close I let her have it with the hissin' and the spittin'. This is somehow translated into Gustav is evil!, but let me tell you somethin'. I want no parts of that frizzy-haired woman and all her shrieks and disasters."


Gustav: "Don't look now, but I think she heard what I said. Quick, act like you have some sense and pretend we were talking about the weather or the cracked corn buffet over here in Chesapeake Bay Mother's Wild Kingdom. If she gets too close, though, you have my permission to bite hiss and spit. You must save yourself and your family."

In unrelated news, Chesapeake Bay Mother is concocting some Gustav memorabilia for Blog Fest this summer. Thus far, T-shirts and coffee cups have been discussed, but no matter what he will be depicted in his preferred stance, which is: neck arched, mouth wide open, and pitchfork under his right wing tongue stuck out in his best hiss.

15 comments:

maria from nj said...

You are amazingly bilingual!

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

I love that CBM is getting in on the fun! Tell her not to make Gustav too scary though; I might hiave nightmares.

My WV is Linge, and I think if you were to try a linge instgead of a hinge on that shower door, it might stay on.

Mrs F with 4 said...

Walking Dog through the fields the other morning, there was lots of standing water... and as I turned around the end of a hedge, there were hundreds, if not thousands of Canada geese sitting there looking all stupid.

Dog is a Hunting Dog, but he did not know which way to look. Eventually he decided, and picked out a big, BIG meaty goose, caught it, and kindly brought it back for me.

So I took it home, and it was very, very delicious.

Tell Gustav to beware of travelling Mrs F's.....

wv:.. bezing... we rounded a corner and BEZING! There was a goose just begging to be caught!

Mental P Mama said...

He really is the funniest goose on the planet. Sign me up for my t-shirt!!!

Pueblo girl said...

My heart goes out to you with decaying houses, but...that is soooo funny :)

Trisha said...

How fun that your mom is working up Gustave stuff! Too funny!

I hope you - and the shower door - are okay after that "disaster."

Daryl said...

I vote for coffee mugs .. to go with the awesome cold drink crab motiff glasses from last Fest ...

And I love you and your amazing mind .. woman you are SO talented ..

WV conest .. when two ducks/geese share a nest - co-nesting

Karen Deborah said...

God I love these posts. You need a resident handy man. Your dating criteria needs to be--must own tools. And big sense of humor.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I'll take a t-shirt and a mug! I like a matching outfit! Make that 2!
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deborah said...

ugh..geese..no matter what Gustav says, he is responsible for all the problems you are having. I know the stance geese take when they are offended and ready to attack only too well, and I tell you its all Gustav's fault.

Grandma J said...

OMG! Gustaf and his friend were peeking in your bathroom window! I'm bringing a curtain with me.

Are you OK? I hope you didn't hurt yourself..forget the door.. you don't need a door on the shower because it's HUGE and the water can't splash that far out onto the floor....trust me.

I'm game for at least two shirts with Gustaf's picture on it, with or without CB Mother hugging him. or those cool sippy cups or anything. three months to go!

foolery said...

This post is going up on Gustav's Facebook fan page. I hope that's okay? Maybe someone will buy a shirt? After all, Gustav has *61* FB fans! I kid you not. I don't even know 61 people who can tolerate me, much less be my fans.

Mrs F with 4 said...

62 fans now....! I mean really, a GOOSE with FANS?!

Country Girl said...

Sign me up for a Gustav mug. Please?

Loved this post. And your hair is not frizzy. MY hair is frizzy!!

TSannie said...

I'll take a teeshirt and mug...
And I'm so glad you speak goose!