Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Relay for Life

Once upon a time, Chesapeake Bay Woman had a friend called Bayman.

Bayman is the sort of person who'd give you the shirt off his back in a snowstorm and then ask if you also wanted his shoes and socks. He'd do anything for anybody.

One day, Chesapeake Bay Woman was sitting innocently at a lacrosse game, when a person we shall call Miss Kathy asked for suggestions of local men to participate in a Womanless Beauty Pageant as a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. Chesapeake Bay Woman, who loves these sorts of brainstorming games, spewed off about 120 20 names, one of which was Bayman's.

Bayman has a close relative fighting cancer, and the event--in which men dress up as women and compete in a beauty pageant which includes formal attire, a talent competition and a swimsuit event--benefits cancer research. So I thought he'd be a good choice. Plus, I want to see him in a dress and high heels.

This was the look on Bayman's face when Miss Kathy asked if he would please dress up as a woman and dance to an Isley Brothers song strut around on stage to benefit cancer research:

But after he thought about it for a moment and realized it was for such a good cause, he jumped right in the manicure chair right on the powder puff band wagon.

The "Miss Relay" womanless beauty pageant will be held this Saturday at 7:00 p.m. at Mathews High School in the Harry Ward Auditorium, not to be confused with any other auditorium because there is only one.

Former professional football player Stuart Anderson will also be wearing a dress, people! participating in the pageant. Folks, this is a sight you will not want to miss is going to be fun!

Tickets are $10 at the door, and of course donations are always accepted. Checks should be made to Relay for Life and can be sent to Miss Kathy Gwyn, 17542 John Clayton Memorial Highway, Mathews, VA 23109.

In addition to serving as Bayman's agent, choreographer, make-up artist, wardrobe expert, Isley Brothers fan who knows just the song to play for the talent competition manicurist, pedicurist, stylist and talent manager, Chesapeake Bay Woman will be videotaping the event, provided she can (a) find her video camera (b) charge the battery (c) find the battery (d) figure out how to use it, all of which means that (e) Chesapeake Bay Son best be comin' along to handle the videotaping.

The End.

p.s. Does anyone know where a person such as Bayman might locate high-heeled dress shoes in a man's size 12? With all the freaks who shop at the Gloucester Wal Mutant (no offense to freaks folks from Gloucester), I'm thinking that might be the best place for him to start. Of course we don't have any place to buy shoes in Mathews unless you count horse shoes and even then you have to call in a special person.

p.s.s.t Big Hair Envy? Noe Noe? This might be the weekend for a sleepover in Mathews.


nativedevil said...

OMG, Bud AND Stuart are both in the show? You MUST post pictures, so us poor folks five hours away can enjoy the fun, too! Since I got cancer this year, I really wish I could be there to support it even more! What a fun event for a great cause. Bikini or one piece? HAHA

Mental P Mama said...

I would give anything to be there. ANYTHING.

Jamie said...

Wish I could make it! Take lots of pictures! I agree, WalFart is the best option for ginormous shoes, do you have a Payless Shoe store anywhere? They also have large size women's shoes.

TSannie said...

Can not WAIT for that video to be up for viewing!

Mrs F with 4 said...

Don't forget to wax!

We did a similar thing last year, with our local firemen. There are times when I wish I had better bladder control (THANK YOU, my children), and this was one of them.

You ARE going to post pictures?

Kate said...

I agree this event is certainly picture worthy! And I second Jamie for checking Payless. They usually have a small selection of ladies footwear for those with gigantic feet. Or you could check thrift shops too.

Daryl said...

I would give MPM the gas money to take us both there ... and try Payless or one of those shoe stores if there is any in the area ...

Grandma J said...

Oh.em.gee! I wish this event was at blogfest! I can't wait to see that hunk-a-burn'n-love in heals!

Try the Goodwill for shoes. Don't forget his tiara!

Anonymous said...

Womens size 12? Check the hall closet under the cats. No need for that out of county trek to Walmart. I purchase all my dress clothes at the Dollar store. You could also aution off some 8X10's of Bayman in drag. Good cause, Good Idea.

nativedevil said...

Kenny dressed up as a woman for Spanish class last year. We found some shoes at Goodwill.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I have a tiara! Let me check with Cdub. He may just may want in on this action!
ps-the video needs to be a part of blogfest for sure! It would be a great fundraiser for RFL!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Folks, I've just returned from Mathews High School (Harry Ward Auditorium, not to be confused with any other auditoriums) where we had a rehearsal of sorts, and all I have to say is, if you're anywhere within a driving radius you need to be at the school Saturday night at 7.

Miss Kathy is doing an excellent job of keeping everybody straight. She's doing an excellent job at everything.

Johnny Wroten was taking lessons from Karl Brubacher of WXGM radio, and Johnny's role as co-emcee proves to be entertainment in and of itself.

Please come if you can, because you are bound to be **howling** with laughter the whole time.

Howling, I tell you.

In other news, CBW had to work the paying job today, has another Huge Project (potential second paying job that CBW has probably messed up due to no time to do anything) that is months over due, has a daughter still on the road at 9:30 p.m. returning from a lacrosse game--in Richmond, 1.5 hours away--and is feeling a little frazzled.

If my posts are few and far between, just know that I have a few balls up in the air and am not sure where they're landing. Either that, or the error messages on my computer have caused me to jump off the Coleman Bridge.

Thank you all for reading and commenting, and for the ladies attending Blog Fest, there will be video of some sort available for viewing, perhaps even a You Tube connection here next week provided I can coerce CB Son to come along.

Happy Wednesday.

deborah said...

I'm pulling for you...juggling life can be overwhelming, just remember you have all of your friends and a few strangers(!) cheering you on!

My son dressed up as a woman for Halloween one year, but his choice of footwear was unlaced work boots.
Have fun and I hope you raise lots of money!

Meg said...

They have that in DC, you know. Remember the Drag Races? On 17th Street, down by Annie's and Boss Shepherd's? Yeah.

A few years ago Curt and I snuck out for dinner in DC... we were having drinks at one of the hotel bars and noticed lots of statuesque ladies prancing around in sequins and fake eyelashes (BAYMAN, DON'T FORGET THE FAKE EYELASHES!) and heels... and come to realize, it was some kind of transvestite convention / awards banquet event. It was awesome.

I sooooo wish I could be there! Awfully tempting just to come. I could really use a change of scenery....

Audrey at Barking Mad said...

I'm with MPM on this one. I'd give ANYTHING to be there!

Must take lots of photos!!!!

Country Girl said...

I am so upset that I cannot make this event. Sounds like a blasty blast and I cannot wait to see the video.

foolery said...

Spanx. That's all I have to say. These guys need to try it JUST ONCE to appreciate the torture.

Best of luck to the irrepressible, adorable Bayman!