Saturday, November 29, 2008


Here's another shot of the old wharf at New Point. Even though it is but a shell of its former self, it's still beautiful. Speaking of shells, this reminds me of an egg shell which reminds me of a cooking fiasco I once had.

Now that Thanksgiving is safely behind us, I'd like to talk a little about some of my forays into the epicurean world. (Is epicurean a word? Is it a world?)

Below is a short list of some of the many incidents, also known as accidents, in my kitchen.

1. I exploded an egg in the microwave. It was in the shell, and I'd heard someone say it was a fast and easy way to cook it. The only thing fast was the scream which left my lungs upon hearing the blast and seeing the mess when I opened the oven door.

2. One time while cooking something in the oven, I opened the door up to check on the status of whatever I was baking. I closed the hot oven door back up without noticing the cord to the mixer was dangling inside. Bye-bye mixer. And almost die-die Chesapeake Bay Chef-in-Training when sparks of electricity were flying.

3. One of the first Thanksgivings I had to cook, I woke up that Thursday morning feeling less-than-enchanted to have to be up so early. There's the slightest chance that I had gone out the night before, though it's hard to say, since I was in my twenties and it was before children. Anywho, I took the turkey out of its wrapping, dropped it in the pan, opened the oven door and shoved 'er right on in. I went back to bed. Hours later I awoke to the smell of burning...seems I had neglected to adjust the oven rack and had jammed the turkey right up into the top of the oven such that the heating element was branding the turkey.

4. One time I served up something, I have no idea what it was called, but that didn't matter, because one or two bites into the whole thing, the person I was eating with declared it to be Rubber Chicken. I was known as "RC" for a while.

5. One time I made fudge. I should say I made sludge. Itried to make fudge. I must not have been patient enough to let it reach the proper cooking temperature or something, and it came out the consistency of frosting.

In other domestic tragedies, when I was in 7th grade I took Home Economics and was tasked with sewing a wrap-around skirt. Mine was going to be denim. Chesapeake Bay Pre-Teen's skirt became one very ugly apron because Chesapeake Bay Pre-Teen didn't have the patience to (a) thread a needle (b) learn how to operate a sewing machine (c) read the pattern or (d) did I mention I hated Home Ec?

I have also had a number of cooking and domestic successes, but overall I'd categorize my cooking as "Hit or Miss" with several significant misses and only a few memorable hits. Most everything else is so-so.

As in my family is so-so glad when I announce we're eating dinner out.


Val said...

with you on all that sister! didyou see the mail going around about putting unpopped popcorn in with the stuffing of a chicken? it may have been a joke between chefs but am afraid i will have to try it - and why not with turkey??

Karen Deborah said...

you are so funny. Do you want to make fudge? The recipe on the back of a jar of marshmellow cream works fine, fantasy fudge. It's not hard to do at all, the problem is not to EAT that stuff until your sick as a dog.

Bear Naked said...

I think I told you once that I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
Thank goodness Monsieur Bear is my private chef.
One time Monsieur Bear had to work away from home for a month so I had to cook for les enfants(kids.)
My daughter to this day says everytime she passes by Hamburger Helper in the grocery aisle, she starts to gag.

Bear((( )))

Bear Naked said...

Just had to leave another comment to tell you that your blog always has the best word verification.
The verification right now is *water*
If I see a verification that says *wine* I am going to email Mental P Mama immediately so she can use that one.

Bear((( )))

big hair envy said...

Yesterday, my sister told me that she once cooked a turkey and didn't realize that you had to put water in the bottom of the roasting pan. When she took it out of the oven, it was like an episode of "Christmas Vacation". Then again, we do tend to be more like the Griswolds than I would like to admit.....

Some people get all the good word verifications.....I, on the other hand, get illegible scribbling that requires a heiroglyphics translator.

Mental P Mama said...

Well i am not so lucky with my word verification. Mine is hysamu. Kind of sounds like something you might try to whip up, doesn't it?

Angela said...

If only had I had known that other young women learn to cook by the try-and-foget-it-method, too! It took me YEARS of this till my meals became sort of decent. Your stories madde me laugh! Thanks! The veri word is minur. Sounds like minor (success, haha)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Val - How can popcorn and chicken possibly be wrong?

KD - You're such a natural cook, you're very talented. I'll definitely try that recipe on the back of the marshmallow concoction, but I am here to tell you if there's a way to mess that up, I'll find it. Either that, or I'll burn the place down in the process.

BN - I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one domestically challenged. I truly love men who cook. I heard once, and have no idea if it is true, that men who are good cooks had/have mothers who were excellent cooks. Who knows.

BHE - I adore the Griswolds....and we'll watch that Christmas Vacation until we wear the grooves off the DVD. I have made one of those "extra crispy, cajun-blackened" birds before, though thankfully not under the pressure of Thanksgiving.

MPM - Yes, something you'd whip up or sneeze up....someone needs to say bless you.

Angela - I could write a book on the try-and-forget-it method. Also, minur could also be pronounced like "manure," but that's just my twisted brain at work...

Grandma J said...

The egg in the hysterical!! I had a meaball explode and that was bad enough. Now everything gets a paper towel over it when it goes in the microwave.

I couldn't stop laughing about the fudge! did you serve it up in shot glasses?

Do you still have that "apron"? I'd love to see a picture.

TSannie said...

I always am grinning by the time I get through reading your blog. :-)

Angela said...

Hey, I just read your comment on my blog! What a wonderful offer! If you can give me your email-address, we could perhaps discuss this matter, or you could write me on mine: Just today I have sent a mail to Val in which I have "thought loud", so to say. I could send you a copy, and then we can continue together. I think this internet provides the most wonderful opportunities! (And fun - haha, the manure association was wonderful!) (Now it says lingo)(My African children speak Xitswa: Kisimusso ginene means Merry Christmas)

david mcmahon said...

So 'fes up - we're related, right?

(I came here from Bear's blog ...)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

GJ - The kids ate the sludge fudge directly out of the pan and declared it to be the best frosting they'd ever tasted. I think they were just trying to make me feel better.....

TSAnnie - I'm glad to make you smile. You ought to consider making the journey with MPM to the Virginia Blogapalooza next year. I think you'd have a blast.

Angela - I sent you an e-mail, and I'm serious when I say I'd love to help your cause.

Hi, David - Thank you for visiting, and if you can't cook there is a very real possibility we're kin.

Happy Saturday evening, everyone.

soupisnotafingerfood said...

I made a vest to go with my wrap-around skirt! It was a lovely floral print. Hi, I'm Meg and I am a home ec geek.

Moannie said...

I once made the decision to have something different for Christmas lunch one year...Salmon. It was slightly 'off' but I continued to eat it, saying 'ummh, lovely'

veri.word...frakebug...hope it does'nt bite.

Louise said...

I laugh! This reminds me of growing up with my mother. Fond memories. We LOVED eating out!

Over from Authorblog. Definitely worthy of POTD!