Welcome to what I've been staring at for nearly seven weeks now.
Courtesy of Covid-19, I've been spending my days
not doing all the things I said I'd do if I only had more time.
As it turns out, I've been practicing for a pandemic my whole life.
Life in Mathews is the very definition of social distancing, and we've been engaging in it even before we knew what it was. Because we're so remote, it's not unusual to have a pantry stocked for an emergency. You never know when the power may go out, you never know when a storm will surprise you with very little warning, and because we're at least 20-30 or more miles from the nearest Most Anything, you're always strategizing the acquisition and storage of necessary supplies.
I've always said there's no such thing as too much of certain items, including toilet paper and wine (for example). And as it turns out, I was more right than I ever knew. What I never anticipated was that toilet paper would become so scarce--in stores and on-line--that sourcing it would become a high-stakes game of risk, strategy and, often, dumb luck.
Toilet paper scarcities aside, though, I'm not just fine, I'm great. I am also grateful to not have to drive the hour into work every day, and I don't (at the moment) have any financial worries. Due to underlying health conditions, I'm one of several in my office asked to stay home until it's safe/safer to return. Due to the nature of my work, I can't do it remotely; yet I am still being paid. Again, I am eternally grateful for this.
Everyone in the Chesapeake Bay Family is doing OK, all things considered. First Child is currently in Madrid, on lockdown since March. He is healthy but bored, a problem he can live with. Second Child is getting ready to graduate from UVA's Architecture School, something I'd been looking forward to with glee but which will not be happening as a formal event for obvious reasons. We'll find a way to make the best of it, though. My parents are doing OK, although my father had some very, very serious health problems in January that led to his now being on dialysis. He has so many health problems you wouldn't believe it if I listed them all, but he's hanging in there. Middle Sister is hunkered down in her new house across the field from me, working from home and enjoying her newly adopted dog King. Baby Sister is still in Richmond doing OK.
We're all safe and in reasonably good health-- and really that's all I want and need.
(Except for some good Thai food.)
I've come to a few realizations during this pandemic:
- The thousand and four things I always said I'd do if I had more time? Time has nothing to do with it. I just don't want to do them. Ever. At all. So, it looks like cleaning the garage, organizing the basement, decluttering the upstairs and organizing cabinets and closets will never happen. I'm finally OK with this.
- It is possible to structure an entire
monthday around the following activities: coffee, bird watching, walking, jigsaw puzzles, reading, eating, sleeping, watching Netflix. I've sewn days upon weeks upon now months together into a quilt of these activities.
- It's going to be a long time before I can travel like I want to again. In the mean time I need to enjoy what's in front of me more.
- All of this down time makes me question what my purpose is, and I don't have an answer for that yet in spite of days upon weeks upon months of wondering. I've read books that talk about purpose and having goals, and I realize I have no true goals. (How is this possible? My life thus far has been about one goal: surviving each day. So far, I'm winning. But surely there should be more.)
- I love the view from my back yard, and I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.
- I am tired of all the wind and rain and dreary weather though. My mood seems to be eternally linked to the weather.
- I'm very grateful for everything, even the things I complain about. Like the weather.
That's about it for now.
I hope that all is well in your world. Stay safe, be smart, and live well.