Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Conversation

This lucky sea gull is perched near the Sea Breeze. He's lucky because he's not trapped in a training class for five days straight with no access to the internet. He's not missing his children's basketball games. He's able to enjoy the peace and quiet and relax. He's not stressed.

This week I'm in Northern Virginia without access to the blogosphere--or my children. Although I wrote this post last Saturday, I'd like to make a prediction about today, Wednesday: I'M READY TO COME HOME.

Update (as of Tuesday night): I am spending $6.00 for fifteen minutes on here to say I AM READY TO COME HOME BEFORE I GAIN 20 POUNDS. Vietnamese, Mexican, and now I see there is a Thai place right near where I'm staying. Too much. It's just too much. I'd be 400 pounds if I lived up here, plus I'm not exercising at all. OK, enough whining.

I've notified this sea gull that I'd like to be rescued. Here's how that conversation went:

CBW: "Hey, Gull. It's CBW."

Gull: (silence)

CBW: "Listen, I know this is asking a lot, but can you fly up here and take me back home? I've had enough."

Gull: "What?"

CBW: "I know it's asking a lot, but if you come rescue me I'll be your BFF."

Gull: "You better come up with another offer. That's not cuttin' it."

CBW: "Popcorn and bread crumbs for life?"

Gull: "Deal."

So, folks, as you can see I've officially lost my marbles and have resorted to talking about flying home with a sea gull even though as I write this I haven't even left home yet.

Update: As of Tuesday night, it would take a 747 to lift me off the ground now after all I've been eating. Please get me out of here before I hit someone in the eye with the buttons popping off my clothes.

If you can follow any of this madness, you should seek medical attention immediately you're doin' good.

Now it's your turn. Tell me what conversation you'd have with this sea gull. Or tell me what sort of food you'd want if you could have anything that is currently not available to you.

Then contact your nearest mental health professional. Tell 'em the talking sea gull CBW sent you.


Anonymous said...

Hi CBW. Never had the nerve to comment before. As always, really enjoying your blog and all the comments! I always complain about not having many eating out options in the country. What I would really love would be a Chick fil a but I realize I would be as big as the Chick fil a cow if we had one here so maybe it's a blessing in disguise! Safe travels home to you! Keep up the good work!

Ann Marie said...

My convo with the bird..
Yo.. bird.. since you are headed to NoVa anyway to rescue CBW do you mind if I hitch a ride up there cause if you don't get me out of here I will have to use you for target practice just to get some frustration out..

you good with that.. oh ok.. good let's go.

Caution Flag said...

Although I am officially dieting, I've denied myself NOTHING, hence my need for body lotion just to get my girth into and out of my car today.

Get home safely and quickly, CBW!

Mathews Mark said...

Mark: Hey bird fly me home. Seagull: @#@# you. Mark : come on gull. Seagull whats in it for me? Mark: there is a non stop party going on at CBW house, I found the key to the liquor cabinet.Seagull: don't drink. Mark: Ok gull there are alot of left over steak bones laying around and I will introduce you to a real foxie goose.Seagull:LETS GO!!! Mark: wait a minute I got to wait for CBW to leave I need to steal, I mean borrow her credit card we ran out of beer.Seagull : Ok just as long as the foxie goose is still their.Mark : There goes CBW now Seagull: Boy she has put on some weight!!! MARK: don't say anything you know how women are! Lets go. Sea gull: hold on. Mark: Ok but if you drop me I got 2 alka seltizers in my pocket you know what they do to seagulls. Seagull: Were you want to stop and get beer.Mark: anywhere we won't worry about the price I "borrowed" CBW credit card. Seagull:What, you think I just fell off the shrimp boat? I saw how you borrowed the card. Mark : Shut up and fly if their is one thing I hate it is a yaping seagull, and aim that thing the other way!!! Mark: Do you mind stopping by Baymans, we need some new life in the party. Seagull: No problem, "OOPS" Mark: Damn gull all over me I told you to aim that thing the other way!!! ////// / //I could go on all day but I need a cup of coffee LOL everyone Have a great day MM

ghostless said...

Greek food would be wonderful!!

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Heck, there are probably 5 huge Asian grocery stores within 5 miles of where I live, plus several choices of Mexican/Southwestern, Indian, Thai, awesome burger joints, and Starbucks, McDonalds and Subway dotting every major intersection and most of the minor ones, too. Brew pubs, wine bars, tapas, Mediterranean... And yet, I mostly prefer to cook at home. It's way less expensive and it's fun.

That said - you enjoy all the cuisine here while you're in town! And I'll bring Chevy's chips & salsa again in July.

big hair envy said...

I'm with Soup....I much prefer to cook at home. Although, I DO enjoy going out for Italian (eggplant parm) or Seafood (fried oysters) from time to time. Maggiano's or Sea I'm starving:/

WV: brosting
If you keep eating like that, you just might find yourself brosting at the seams!!

Bayman said...

I think CBW is making a buffet out of a crouton. To check out some serious food, try this:

I know where we can get some beer Mark.

Daryl said...

That gull and I have similar taste in food .. sea food .. fish .. I had a devine piece of grilled tuna and some jasmine rice for lunch .. if I can keep away from the roasted almonds I might not have muffin top jeans issues

Mathews Mark said...

1 hour after flying: Seagull: i'm getting hungry. Mark: Sandpiper Reef is right up the river lets go there and have some of the Chefs Oysters stuffed with crabmeat they are fantastic. Seagull: Sounds great do I have to eat out back again? Mark: Maybe I can pull some strings with the owner. Seagull: good "OPPS". Mark : DAMN gull not again I'm gona have the chef stuff you with crabmeat. Seagull: sorry (POW/BAM/SPLASH). Mark and gull in the water seagull has a broken wing they look over to the bank. Mark: Gull I told you to read Life IN Mathews comments Ann Marie mint what She said. Seagull: Hey Ann Marie you feel better all of your frustration gone? I was comin to get you after I drop this lard ass off. Mark: HI Ann Marie hope you feel better. Seagull: can we still get Oysters stuff with crabmeat. Mark: of course I told you the owner is a good friend. Seagull and Mark swim off into the sunset. The end. MM

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I dont talk to birds I'm batty enough. And I cannot talk about gaining weight or food right now because my freeking pants are so tight I can hardly breath!
Now excuse me...I'm am off to Food Lion to food shop before the next winter storm hits! GAH..enough already!

Audrey at Barking Mad! said...

The food part is easy! Ocean House Pizza back in Cape Elizabeth Maine! I'm NOT getting along with this NY pizza stuff. Yech! Oh and an InNOut burger. Yum. and again I say YUM!

Me: Um excuse me Mr. Gull, I was...

Gull: Do I LOOK like a dude! Do you see any dangly bits! NO DEAL! You are officially voted off the island!

Jamie said...

Thanks to you CBW, all I have thought about ALL week are the hush puppies from Taylor's that no longer exist along with the fried and steamed shrimp from the buffet which also no longer exist.

Perhaps that Gull can head into Seabreeze and grab me a bacon cheeseburger, fries and a hunk of Boston creme pie...

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

The comments are worth the $6/15 minutes to sign on here every day.


They are calling for snow up here on Friday. If I get stuck up here, you're going to see a mushroom cloud over the entire state of Virginia, starting with the metropolitan DC area.

Thanks so much to all of you for commenting - and HEY TRINIA!! It's so great to hear from you - thanks for commenting. I agree that it's a blessing in disguise. I'd look like a watermelon on stilts if I kept up this sort of eating.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Mark, you crack me up.

Bayman said...

Hey everybody! Deep Fried Paradise is on the Travel Channel!

I just saw chicken fried bacon with milk gravy!!!

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Mark is cracking me up AGAIN!

CBW, don't worry, the snow isn't supposed to start till nighttime. But if you get stuck, you just amble across the river and crash with me Friday night. OMG the FUN!! I have 4WD. We can go ANYWHERE.

maria from nj said...

You know there is treatment for folks who talk to birds...just sayin! Love the exchanges.

Word veri- Presi: the waist on my pants is presi on my belly.

Country Girl said...

I cannot get an answer from the seagull. He's done all his talkin' with Mathews Mark and is done in.