Expressions

This is a glimpse of an old house on Gwynn's Island. Below is a glimpse into some of the words and sayings I've grown accustomed to here in Mathews. Both are a dying breed.

Not until I left Mathews and went to college did I realize how unusual some of our expressions are. I had no idea, for example, that saying someone or somebody was as ugly as a mud fence could cause confusion. My roommate looked stunned the first time I said it. Then she wanted to know what a mud fence was, and just how ugly was it? I confess I have no idea, and I never stopped to think about it before she asked.

My mother's mother, if she were alive, would have been 100 years old this past Monday. She had the most wonderful accent, but she also had a very unusual way of saying certain words. For example:

"Push" was pronounced poosh.
"Bush" was pronounced boosh.
As in, "Don't you dare poosh your sister into that boosh."

I have to assume there were some Scottish or Irish folks that influenced that pronunciation, but it's quickly fading. I only rarely hear it any more.

Some other odd pronunciations coming from my mother and grandmother include:

Dunkey (donkey)
Predney (presently)
Hawse (horse)
Example: Predney that dunkey and hawse will need feedin'.

Folks from Mathews contribute to this colorful kaleidoscope of sayings and pronunciations. I have a friend who always said "mersure" instead of "measure." She'd say "warsh" instead of "wash." Other people I know would say "poncil" (almost with a French accent) instead of "pencil." Many people to this day pronounce "house" or "mouse" as with a long "o" sound. Like "hoe" with a light "s" on the end.

Some of the expressions I grew up with are:

I'm as serious as a heart attack. (Pretty darn serious.)
Your bedroom looks like Hooraw's nest. (It's a disaster. Who or what is Hooraw? A bird?)
Your hair looks like the cat's been suckin' on it all night long. (You need a rake to comb that hair.)
Those vegetables are no count. (They're no good.)
You can't swing a dead cat without hitting fruit flies in this kitchen. (You have a fruit fly infestation.)
That cookie is harder than a brick bat. (You couldn't get your teeth through it.)

This is but a small sampling. I'm sure not all of these are unique to this area, but I suspect some of them are.

I'd love to compile more of these sayings and quirky pronunciations from the local area, and if I had the time I'd go out and interview people. I'm feeling a little too lazy to do that at the moment. For anyone reading this who has not yet fallen asleep, I would love to hear about any local sayings or odd pronunciations in your neck of the woods.

Right now, though, I must go deal with that no-count fruit fly infestation before I blow a gasket. There's more of them in my kitchen than you can shake a fist at.

Bubbas

I wish to preface this by saying that I love Bubbas. And may no Bubbas be harmed in the making of this post.

Bubbas make the world--OK, just Mathews--go 'round. If not for Bubbas, there'd be no distinction between a true From Here Mathews County male, and any other random male. OK, so that's not true either. Just know this: I do not intend to disparage anyone--bubbas, friends of bubbas, wives of bubbas and--MOST importantly MUMMAS of bubbas. This is merely a caricature or stereotype of the "typical Bubba."

And if I know anything, it's that there ain't nothin' typical about nary a Bubba. Or as a Bubba would say, "Oh dahln, we's as right as rain and ain't nare one of us right." (Where the second "right" in that equation had to do with mental rightness, as in they're all crazy. And the word "nare" is not a typo, but how they pronounce nary, by dropping off the "y". But I swear I'm not trying to disparage anyone. Swear. Do you notice how quickly I can lapse into Mathews Talk here? It's neat being able to speak two languages.)

I asked for some guest input on this post because I didn't want to sit here all righteous and proclaim that I knew everything there was to know about Bubbas.

Guest Contributor Karen had this to say about Bubbas, and she is an expert, because she's a Come Here, married to a From Here, and in her line of work she caters to Bubbas and all their kinfolk.
(Yes, I am speaking another language. Do not adjust your tuners. It's a syndrome called LIVED IN MATHEWS WAY TOO LONG).

Here are Karen's astute observations:

#1. A bubba always has a nickname, usually diametrically opposed to his appearance (i.e. "Slim"). When he dies, this nickname will be prominently displayed in his obituary and perhaps on his tombstone. None of his friends will know his true name.

#2. The offspring of Bubbas, male version, always have names ending in "y". Jimmy, Ricky, Bobby, etc. They will be known as "Slim's boy Ricky".

#3. The offspring of Bubbas, female version, will be named after a beloved woman in the Bubba's life, usually his momma. They will therefore have names much older than they are.

#4. A bubba has an odd number of teeth.

#5. Fine dining means going to Hardee's instead of Little Sue. (Editor's Note: Little Sue = convenience store, and Hardees is just plain WRONG but we're in Mathews and it is the only fast-food chain we got. Have. Whatever.)

Thanks to Karen for that very descriptive input. As a side note, Karen's real line of work should be stand-up comedienne. She just doesn't have time what with her day job and all. But if anyone's looking for a killer of a comedienne, she's the lady.

Here is the opinion of one of my sisters, let's just call her Sunshine (since everyone else in high school did):

Physical Description: Pumpkin on stilts (Blog Author interrupts Sunshine's description to say, "Hellooooo, I resemble this remark and I am NOT a Bubba. We now return to Sunshine's description, with no more interruptions). Sometimes they look like a Watermelon on bow-legged stilts*. Eye color is usually alien blue with more red than white outside the pupil. Cowboy boots, huge belt buckle. Sunspots. Large bags under the eyes. Hair is anything from Charlie Brown sprigs (always covered up by a baseball cap) to complete redneck plumage resembling mullet, skullet,** or mud flap.

*Bow-legged stilts evolved from many centuries of doing "The Mathews Shuffle" (This is how all bubbas dance, and they usually snap while doing the dance; it's simply a shifting of the body from right to left while the inside heel clicks inside of other heel.)

A Bubba's favorite phrase is (Editor's Note: profane language to follow) "goddamnbubba" or " cooooooootdaaaaaaaayyyy" (where coot == good and where that phrase is really an abbreviation for GOOD DAY IN THE MORNIN'.)

** Blog Author's Question Back to Sunshine: WHAT THE HECK IS A SKULLET?? Can you fry bacon in it?

O.K. Hopefully you now have some idea of what a Bubba is. A Bubba is also the salt of the Earth, the best friend you could ever have, someone who will do anything for you (unless the Nascar race is on), and who hopefully will stick around here for a while. They've got lots of stories to tell, and (insert Bubba accent starting now) lemme tell ya summpmm dahlin,' you're just as perty as uh pickshuh an' I don't know much, but I know them Bubbas is as straight as an arrow and as serious as a heart attack.

Come Heres:Another Mathews Language Lesson

With apologies in advance for using a foul word—in the opening sentence no less--on what should otherwise be a G-rated blog.
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My father often says if it weren’t for the Come Heres, we’d still be sh&tting in the ditch.

And it’s true.

In Mathews, there are two categories of citizens:

Come Heres - You moved here of your own FREE WILL and purposely selected Mathews as your residence. (Please consider scheduling an appointment with your psychotherapist. AT ONCE.) You came from some place far, far, away. A place with fine dining, places to shop, bike paths, walking trails, indoor plumbing and non-lethal drinking water.

From Heres – You were born in Mathews and/or lived here the vast majority of your life. You tend to be suspicious of the Come Heres because they’re City Folk who might try to change things, such as people sh&tting in ditches. From Heres generally have strong family ties to the area, and it isn't unusual for their family tree to be traced back several hundred years. Most From Heres know one another, and if they don’t, they will talk it through until they find another From Here they both know. Then everything is right with the world.

As you can imagine, there can be friction between these two groups. The From Heres really don’t think the Come Heres understand much about living in Mathews. The Come Heres can’t believe the importance the From Heres place on being from Mathews.

When a Come Here tries to open up a bank account or even write a check at the grocery store, they’re asked to show birth certificate, passport, photos of all children, and a complete genealogy or family tree in the hopes that there is someone, ANYONE, related to them with a valid Mathews connection, where connection = From Here. If not, then the Come Here better KNOW a whole bunch of From Heres. They must state the names of these From Heres, their relationship, how long they’ve known them and how far from them they live.

When a From Here opens a bank account, they walk in, say hi to every single person in the bank, catch up on local gossip, make the transaction and promise to bring by an apple pie later on. No identification required.

As time passes by, however, I’ve noticed that the Come Heres seem to be taking over, and the From Heres seem fewer and farther between. This is not a bad thing, just an observation.


Come Heres can be good. At least we’re not sh&tting in ditches anymore.

Mathews 101: All Swolled Up

Welcome to yet another FASCINATING Mathews County language lesson.

When someone SWELLS UP, they are COPPING AN ATTITUDE. Gettin' huffy. Pissed off. Upset.

There are various forms of the verb "swell," some of which, like SWOLLED, have not a hint of being in the ballpark of grammatically correct, but the point is that when someone's swelled up, it's so bad that no rules apply.

For example:

Daughter: "Hey, Daddy, where's Mumma?"
Father: "I dont know. She's all swelled up."
Daughter: "What's she swollen up over?"
Father: " Who the he** knows. All I did was (insert any Man Activity of your choice here that would have nothing to do with being a helpful partner to his spouse) and now she's not speaking to me. She's SWOLLED UP I tell ya."

Being SWELLED (or swolled) UP is contagious. In the scenario above, the Father inevitably becomes swollen. Or swelled.

Or swolled.

And the Daughter exercises extreme patience until all parties DEFLATE.

Mathews 101: Speaking the Language: Dahln

Dahln: (noun)

1. Any female of any age residing in Mathews or the surrounding counties. The word is pronounced "dawln" where the "l" and the "n" are so close together they almost merge to form a new letter of the alphabet. Synonym (used by non-Mathews and otherwise normal people): Darling.

Example Male, speaking to any female whether he knows her or not: "Hey, dahln, how you doin', dahln?"

2. Any person who has called you dahln automatically becomes a dahln:

Male (who may or may not know you): "Hey, dahln, how you doin', dahln?"
Appropriate reply from female to male: "Nothin' dahln, I dont' know nothin' good."

It is important to note that this term is meant to be courteous and friendly rather than lewd or unwanted.

Generally, the male in this equation is a "bubba." But that's another lesson entirely.