The Misadventures of Chesapeake Bay Woman

Once upon a time, Chesapeake Bay Woman needed photos of the New Point Lighthouse, commissioned by Thomas Jefferson two centuries ago--give or take some decades. But even though her camera was solidly perched on the railing at the New Point Lighthouse Observation Deck, her shaky zoom lens could only produce blurry pictures. And this was not good.

Chesapeake Bay Woman grew increasingly frustrated, because she could see a stretch of golden sand right there across a vast expanse of swamp marsh grass. The beach was way closer to the lighthouse and would require much less use of the zoom. However, that beach was not technically a part of the official New Point Observation Deck. And this, too, was not good.

For emphasis, she'd like to repeat that there was nothing but swamp, marsh and heavy vegetation between where she stood and that pristine piece of sandy heaven she so desperately sought.

Packing up her attitude camera, she trotted back to the car where she sat and stewed. She really needed a good shot of the lighthouse, but she did not own a tripod or a decent lens, nor did she have a clue any formal training in anything, much less how to properly use her camera in photography, so the only viable way to produce a decent picture given her skill set involved a closer vantage point.

Earlier driving in she noticed a path leading down to who knows where what appeared to be the exact pristine beach she sought. This same path, like the beach she sought, was not at all really a part of the official observation deck area, yet there was very little delineation between this area and the official observation area. In other words, since there were no signs stating otherwise, why not?

And now we have arrived at the accelerated, abbreviated, mathematical part of this story. The extended version would fill the Library of Congress a book.

Here's the equation:

1 Chesapeake Bay Woman, saturated with adrenaline, who needs closer proximity to the lighthouse because she doesn't know how to work her camera

plus

1 Unknown, very narrow path with 8-foot high reeds and swamp mud on either side

plus

1 heavy dose of standing water, mud, briars and fallen trees

plus

0 Knowledge of where the path lead

but

1 sincere conviction that it went to golden sand and a perfect vantage point for photographing the lighthouse

minus

1 Bit of common sense

plus

15,003 Inches of rain this week in a place that is already below sea level most days

plus

1 tombstone, an old one, lying on a tree stump right next to the path

plus

1 Near heart attack, and more and more difficulty making it through the mud and rising water

plus

3 more tombstones ensconced in briars, barely visible from the so-called "path"

plus

1 Recollection of someone telling me about a haunted cemetery except this could not possibly be the same one ...or could it?

equals

1 About face and a sprint out of there that would have broken the sound barrier, if not for the fact that her tennis shoes were soaking wet and she was up to her ankles in mud, plus her ears were being pierced by briars.

plus

0 decent shots of the lighthouse. Still.

The End.

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p.s. Come back tomorrow for a picture of one of the unexpected tombstones and a much shorter post.

Three Things

Welcome to Three Thing Thursday, where you share three things and I share three things. Any three things at all. Or any thirty-three things.

Do you think it's possible to squeeze any more "th" words into one sentence? I'm starting to sound like Sylvester the Cat.

I'll go first, but if you were here I'd let you go first.

Ready? Let's begin.

1. The daffodils are in full bloom now; they're everywhere and they're gorgeous. I was going to force encourage the Chesapeake Bay Children to pick several baskets and sell them at Saturday's Farmers Market in Mathews Court House, but on the ride home tonight Chesapeake Bay Son informed me that he has to do community service a National Junior Honor Society project that has something to do with an Easter Egg Hunt fundraiser.

So no Farmers Market for us.

2. Daffodils always make me think of my grandfather, the retired Brigadier General, who was a commercial grower in his later years. Most people called him The General. We grandchildren called him Gus, which was his first name. (Actually it was Gustave, but since that's also the name of my mother's beastly goose, let's not focus on that technicality.)

Don't you think it is odd that grandchildren would call their grandfather Gus?

3a. Gus had very, very bushy eyebrows that were so long they looked like awnings. Unfortunately, thanks to the witch's brew of hormones that attack all females as they approach the cemetery their mid to late 40s, my eyebrows seem to be growing bushier and bushier.

We won't talk about the other facial hair. Thank you.

3b. Yesterday I arrived home feeling gleeful and refreshed after the most enjoyable day at work. I did four loads of laundry, and the Chesapeake Bay Children even helped me!

Then I prepared a delightful supper which they thoroughly enjoyed. Not one single ant showed up at the dinner table, in spite of the fact that this and all other houses in the entire 23076 zip code appear to be built on top of the world's largest anthill. Afterwards, Chesapeake Bay Son and Daughter dutifully scampered off to clean their rooms. I think I even heard them whistling.

Then I won the lottery.

The End April Fools.

Now it's your turn to share three things or thirty three things about anything you want. If you can't think of anything, tell me about a memorable April Fools prank.

Click here to read my favorite April Fools experience.