Hunting

Yesterday morning I drove down to Aaron's Beach to see how The Green was coming along. In the winter, the marsh grasses and reeds turn brown and grey just like my hair everything else. When the green finally returns all is right with my world.

As it turns out, The Green has taken over most of The Gray, but these reeds have some more growing to do. Normally they're over my head, just like my laundry pile.

But today is not about laundry piles because if it were I'd be asking how it is humanly possible for there to be 4,685--and a half--white socks and nary a one matches. Or perhaps it's just more difficult to match 4,685 1/2 white socks when you are blinking back tears because you've never seen so many unmatched socks in your life.

No, rather than ascend Mt. Laundrest, today I am going on a Blog Hunt with Mathews Mark and possibly Bay Man, if he can make it off the island at all in time.

(Bay Man has his own pace--I'll call it on par with a periwinkle--as well as his own time zone over there. Although Mathews Mark and I are meeting at 8:30 a.m., that translates into 10:00 Eastern (not so) Standard Gwynns Island time. Hi, Bay Man!)

Anyway, Mathews Mark, possibly Bay Man and I are going on a Blog Hunt, which is not where we stalk blogs but where we search for places, things or people to blog about.

Based on what Mathews Mark has told me, there are some very exciting prospects lined up for this hunt, although with Mathews Mark I'd have enough to blog about in the first five minutes of conversation, which may or may not involve blow toads (see yesterday's comments).

Stay tuned early next week for the results of this Blog Hunt. I'll be off-line most of the weekend and it will take me atl least that long to download, then upload, the photos from today's escapades.

Hope your weekend is fantastic, devoid of unmatched socks and blow toads.

And now a few questions for you, even though this post was declared a laundry-free zone a few paragraphs earlier:

1. For those of you who are organized types, what is the secret to taming these beasts known as mismatched white socks?

2. How often do you do laundry?

3. From the clean clothes basket to the kids' closets and drawers - how does this happen? When I make them do it, they stuff the basket in a corner of their room, then pile dirty clothes on top of that, and then I end up inadvertently doing loads of already-clean laundry, which is truly the last indignity.

Miss Mathews

Here we have a photo from historic Abingdon Episcopal Church of a lovely bench nestled in some very lovely flowers in a patch of very nice sunlight, but enough of that because GUESS WHAT I have a very exciting announcement to make and it's this:

We're having a Mini Impromptu Blog Fest this weekend thanks to Meg from Soup is not a Finger Food, and Big Hair Envy, and Noe Noe Girl, and Ann Marie who are coming to my house Saturday for wine followed by some wine refreshments before heading to Mathews High School at 7:00 for the Womanless Beauty Pageant fundraiser for Relay for Life/American Cancer Society.

Please. If you are within driving distance, please come Saturday night. Not only will you be supporting a good cause, you'll also laugh yourself silly.

Plus I'd like to show you the fruit of all my days hours of hard labor without the benefit of an epidural or Lamaze: the birth of this womanless woman known as Bayman, aka "Miss Grimstead."

Purple glitter and spandex will be involved.

If you have any questions about glitter or spandex the event, or if you're struggling to understand coconut bras the meaning of life, e-mail me at

ChesapeakeBayWoman@gmail.com.

I will definitely take pictures but dial-up internet and problems with my computer may preclude my posting them before next week, which will be approximately the same time I recover from all this.

Hypothetically speaking, if you were at a show where men were dressed up as women competing in a talent segment, what would you enjoy seeing them do that could be classified as PG-13?

Hypothetically speaking, does "one size fits all" include all sizes of men when fishnet hose the item in question is made exclusively for women?

p.s. Tonight fellow Mathews County blogger, Miss Mermaid, becomes Mrs. Mermaid on a very special piece of Mathews County land. Congratulations, Lady Mermaid. Watch out for the fiddler crabs, they are killer down that neck of the woods and will latch onto you like clip earrings.

Relay for Life

Once upon a time, Chesapeake Bay Woman had a friend called Bayman.

Bayman is the sort of person who'd give you the shirt off his back in a snowstorm and then ask if you also wanted his shoes and socks. He'd do anything for anybody.

One day, Chesapeake Bay Woman was sitting innocently at a lacrosse game, when a person we shall call Miss Kathy asked for suggestions of local men to participate in a Womanless Beauty Pageant as a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. Chesapeake Bay Woman, who loves these sorts of brainstorming games, spewed off about 120 20 names, one of which was Bayman's.

Bayman has a close relative fighting cancer, and the event--in which men dress up as women and compete in a beauty pageant which includes formal attire, a talent competition and a swimsuit event--benefits cancer research. So I thought he'd be a good choice. Plus, I want to see him in a dress and high heels.

This was the look on Bayman's face when Miss Kathy asked if he would please dress up as a woman and dance to an Isley Brothers song strut around on stage to benefit cancer research:


But after he thought about it for a moment and realized it was for such a good cause, he jumped right in the manicure chair right on the powder puff band wagon.

The "Miss Relay" womanless beauty pageant will be held this Saturday at 7:00 p.m. at Mathews High School in the Harry Ward Auditorium, not to be confused with any other auditorium because there is only one.

Former professional football player Stuart Anderson will also be wearing a dress, people! participating in the pageant. Folks, this is a sight you will not want to miss is going to be fun!

Tickets are $10 at the door, and of course donations are always accepted. Checks should be made to Relay for Life and can be sent to Miss Kathy Gwyn, 17542 John Clayton Memorial Highway, Mathews, VA 23109.

In addition to serving as Bayman's agent, choreographer, make-up artist, wardrobe expert, Isley Brothers fan who knows just the song to play for the talent competition manicurist, pedicurist, stylist and talent manager, Chesapeake Bay Woman will be videotaping the event, provided she can (a) find her video camera (b) charge the battery (c) find the battery (d) figure out how to use it, all of which means that (e) Chesapeake Bay Son best be comin' along to handle the videotaping.

The End.

p.s. Does anyone know where a person such as Bayman might locate high-heeled dress shoes in a man's size 12? With all the freaks who shop at the Gloucester Wal Mutant (no offense to freaks folks from Gloucester), I'm thinking that might be the best place for him to start. Of course we don't have any place to buy shoes in Mathews unless you count horse shoes and even then you have to call in a special person.

p.s.s.t Big Hair Envy? Noe Noe? This might be the weekend for a sleepover in Mathews.

Off-Road Driving

Above is a shot of Hills Bay taken from a moving vehicle my favorite stretch of highway leading off/onto Gwynn's Island. You can see there is not much separating the road from the water. One false move and you're overboard.

Below is a story about one such false move, relayed by Mathews County native and long-time friend of mine, Bayman.

"The road along the "river shore" on Gwynn's Island is CBW's favorite drive. (Mine too.)

It offers gorgeous views of tranquil blue waters, an endless canvas of sky, seagulls, clouds and as witnessed at Blogfest, some of the best sunsets you will ever see.

The road, however, can be treacherous at times. Cars have been known to be blown off the highway by wind during winter storms, when the road was covered in ice. I have seen the spray from the crashing waves go clear across the highway.

My favorite story about this road is set on a nice summer day. It was told to me by a friend who is no longer with us. Some alcohol was involved in both the telling and the hearing of this story. The names have been omitted to protect the innocent.

The island is home to numerous "come heres" during the warmer months. The majority was from Richmond. They had cottages, or a boat at the Islander Marina.

One day, a carload of young men, we'll say from Richmond, though we may never know for sure since my friend is no longer with us, was traveling along the river shore. Out in a yard was a very pretty Gwynn's Island native, enjoying the summer day in her bathing suit. She was bending over in her yard, tending to a rosebush or some other gardening project. The young men must have thought she was doing a very nice job, as they completely lost track of what they were doing. Their car sailed over the bank, and out into the tranquil, shallow waters. Hills Bay had claimed another."

Bayman--much like Mathews Mark--has more stories than Uncle Remus, and hopefully he'll share some more soon.

For now, I'm going to share a couple of pictures of him. Here he is giving a come-hither sort of glance.

Below is what he looks like while reflecting on things, such as the state of health care in America, or how many packs of Best Value chicken wings (grilled to perfection over charcoal) are needed to feed a bevy of Blog Fest attendees.


Thank you, Bayman, for your stories, your world-famous chicken wings, and most of all your kindness and friendship. Please send me wings stories any time. How does tomorrow sound?

If anyone reading has any chicken wings grilled to perfection stories about Mathews they'd like to share, please send them to ChesapeakeBayWoman@gmail.com. And don't forget the hot sauce.