Perched II

I'm officially in Hunker Down and Focus on the Task at Hand Mode, which is the stage just after Procrastination Mode and the one immediately preceding Panic Mode, at least as it relates to getting ready for Blog Fest 2013. This exact same system, however, got me through life thus far four years of college, plus I don't know how many projects at work--plus two previous Blog Fests. It may not work for everyone, but waiting until the last minute to accomplish anything seems to work for me.

Daughter has a cross country meet this afternoon in Lancaster, which will subtract a minimum of three to four hours from the total number available to work on Blog Fest-related preparations.

Oh well. There's only always tomorrow. 

Hope all is well in your world.


p.s. If you're unfamiliar with Blog Fest, click here for the 2009 Blog Fest Eve post or here for Blog Fest 2010.

Blog Fest Memories

Chesapeake Bay Woman, Summer 2009
Thank you, Country Girl Kate, for the photo.

Yesterday's quest for a promotional photograph led to Country Girl Kate sending me a link to a blog post she did two years ago that contained a picture of me (above, thanks Kate!).

Reading her post brought back a flood of memories from July 2009 and 2010, when bloggers from all parts of the country (and Canada) convened on Mathews County, sight unseen. The vast majority of us had not even met in person before this event.  For them to travel here to little ole Mathews to join up with folks they only knew through blogging was unusual, arguably, but it turned out to be fantastic.

The links below are just some of the many posts written about the two Blog Fests we held here. Unfortunately I didn't have enough time last evening to search for all that was written, but below is a representative sampling of the good times we had.

Let's start with Country Girl Kate, who so kindly sent me the photograph above as part of her post on the 2009 Blog Fest:

http://chroniclesofacountrygirl.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-dont-think-she-knew-what-she-was.html

Laurie, aka Foolery, who came here all the way from California:
http://foolery.typepad.com/foolery/2009/07/love-letter-to-mathews-county-va.html


Daryl, who came from New York City:
http://onthem104.blogspot.com/2010/07/words-lots-of-words.html


Lauren, aka Mental Mama, from Connecticut:
http://thementalpausechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/07/blisters-beaux-babies-buds-beach-and.html

Deltaville Jamie (not really from Deltaville but with deep family roots there):
http://deltavillevignettes.blogspot.com/2010/07/blogfest-2010.html


Tracy from Maryland:
http://nine-acres.blogspot.com/2010/07/last-of-blogfest-2010.html


Meg from Maryland, the very first blogger I ever met in person:
http://www.soupisnotafingerfood.com/2010/07/lessons-learned.html


Reading all these posts brings back so many good memories.

I think it might be time to start thinking about a Mathews County Blog Fest 2012.

The Cornfield Incident

Once upon a time, a group of bloggers met for a weekend of fun and frivolity.

After gallivanting, cavorting and caravaning through several counties taking photos, they decided to have lunch.

This lunch included cheeseburger boats, hamburger boats, crab cake boats and french fries which evidently is what makes a boat a boat as opposed to those plastic baskets that used to denote a boat. This talk about plastic baskets and boats is not germane to the story other than this: BOATLOADS of french fries and other fried foods were consumed.

Let's return to our incident, already in progress.

On the ride home, one of the passengers had what is known in the medical journals as "a rumbly in the tumbly. " When the driver told her how far they were from home, and added that by the way there's no such thing as public restrooms in the tri-county area, an emergency stop was made to address the shituation.

This emergency stop involved a cornfield and a very, very lovely old farm. It so happens the driver knew the owner of this farm, so she felt it was OK to trespass stop a while and take some photos. It also happens that another passenger had some wet wipes everything necessary for such an emergency stop. It was something else destiny.

While the one passenger addressed her needs, the remainder of the jolly party frolicked about the property gleefully snapping one photo after another.

And when all was said and done, it was a very productive pit stop for all the merry bloggers.

The End.

Trumpet Creeper

This is a shot of trumpet creeper vines on one of my favoritest * gates in the county.

Over thirteen years ago a year ago I asked permission to take a few shots of this and didn't get around to actually doing so until thirteen years later recently.

It's a beautiful gate.

In completely unrelated news, Ann Marie came over tonight to fix my ADD camera/computer issues, which boil down to stress an overloaded memory card.

She promised to download the overloaded memory card on some sort of disk of hers, but that required a blind hand-off of a memory card that contains every photo I've taken since December or January.

Although this makes me feel as though I need prescription medication because one third of every photo I've ever taken is on that memory card a bit nervous, perhaps the most frightening thing of all is that she has all my Blog Fest photos, which I've not previewed yet.

Serenity now.

*It's a word. Really.

p.s. Thanks, Ann Marie, for your help.

Days Two and Three

The sign above was given to me by Noe Noe Girl, who seemed to think I might know a think or two about hissy fits. It's hanging over my kitchen sink, where many hissy fits are born, usually over a mound of dirty dishes or a malfunctioning garbage disposal.

But during Blog Fest I had so much help in the kitchen, I didn't have one hissy fit. My ADD was kicked up to an all-new, off-the-charts level of inability to talk because I couldn't think straight focus, but there were no hissy fits.

My camera and computer are still at odds, so photos from Blog Festivities haven't been downloaded yet, but highlights included touring, eating (salsa is now a breakfast food), making a serendipitous pit stop in a cornfield, margaritas, shrimp boiling, beaching, boating, and some karaoke-ing.

Foolery's husband wins the Best Sport prize for volunteering to be the first singer in the karaoke contest. He also donned a grass skirt and floral bra. I sincerely hope someone took pictures.

Other Blog Fest highlights include what I shall call "the hot tub incident" (not to be confused with "the cornfield incident" involving Country Girl Kate, which was easily one of my favorite stories from Blog Fest, although given the topic I'll defer to Cornfield Kate as to whether the details should be shared.)

The hot tub incident began Thursday morning, when Mathews Mark came over to help reattach a loose part. To gain access a panel was removed. Later that evening, or rather at three a.m. very early the next morning, Big Hair Envy and I were debriefing on the back deck and kept hearing a cat meowing. Slowly we recognized it was a cat in distress, and I recognized the meow as one of the most skittish of all the outdoor cats around here, Latte.

The long story short? Latte had slithered into the underworkings of the hot tub when Mathews Mark was working on it, and the panel was screwed back on while he was still hiding out in there. Big Hair Envy and I frantically searched for the proper screw driver, a functioning brain cell flashlight, and the dexterity to remove the panel with a wine glass in one hand in complete darkness. But in the end, the cat came out unharmed, albeit a bit hungry.

There are so many wonderful stories (not involving cats trapped in hot tubs or cornfield incidents) to share, I wouldn't know where to begin.

I was especially thrilled to meet Foolery's husband and her two beautiful girls; and it was a privilege to welcome Tracey from These Nine Acres and Jamie from Deltaville (who isn't really from Deltaville). She does understand the importance of selecting the proper flotation device--hers was her son's rubber duckie float, and that's another photo I hope someone took.

I can't adequately express my thanks to the exceptional group of Blog Festers for taking the time to travel to Mathews for an extended weekend of fun and cornfields frivolity. Also, I'd really like to thank everyone who helped out before, during and after--there was not one dirty dish and hence, not one post-party hissy fit.

You're an amazing group of fun-loving people, and I'm honored to be able to spend time with you in" real life" as well as the blogosphere.

Twas the Night Before Blog Fest

Twas the night before Blog Fest when all through the house,
Every creature was stirring, including the mouse.

The cobwebs they hung from the ceilings to scare
In hopes that the bloggers soon would not care.

And CBMother in her garden and I on my deck
Could not settle down due to loads of goose crap long enough for a nap.

The lights they were hung on the patio with care except no they aren't yet
'cause we're still painting there.
In hopes that the bloggers soon would be there.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my computer chair to see what was the matter.

The matter was Gustav the Killer Goose who sprung loose from his pen to bite greet the newly arrived Blog Fest guests who would subsequently go on to enjoy several days of fun, frivolity and laughter, Killer Goose notwithstanding.

Yadda yadda yadda but I heard them exclaim ere they drove out of sight.
Merry Blog Fest to all, and to all a good night!

The End.

Posting will be sporadic at best for the next 4 days but I will share photos and stories just as soon as I can. It's not too late to attend either - and you don't have to be a blogger. We'd love to have you join us. Just e-mail me at ChesapeakeBayWoman@gmail.com for directions and information.

And now some shots from last year's Blog Festivities.

Glimpses Into the Past

This week's Gazette Journal had a couple of entertaining entries in the Glimpses Into the Past section, which is always my favorite aside from the Best Value and Food Lion weekly flyers.

Here are some highlights:

Snow crab clusters are on sale for $4.99 per pound at Food Lion! This is cheaper than deli ham. Without MVP Card $6.99.

100 Years Ago
Thursday, July 7,1910
from the Mathews Journal
"The Rev. J.A. Winn of the East Mathews Methodist charge is not only a worker in in the 'Master's Vineyard,' he seems also to be a very good truck gardener. On the first day of July he was seen gathering his first dish of roasting corn ears, which puts him ahead of the majority of his neighbors."

Around here you cannot underestimate the competitive spirit of neighborhood corn growing, not to be confused with cornholing, which is practically an Olympic sport.

80 Years Ago
Thursday, July 3, 1930
from the Mathews Journal
"Lightning struck the home of Mr. W. L. Diggs near Diggs post office early this morning during a severe electrical storm and did considerable damage to the home. Paint was burned from the iron rails of the bed in which Mr. Diggs was sleeping as if by a blowtorch. Lightning played about his room but beyond being slightly dazed he was unhurt."

Doesn't it just ruin your day when lightning plays about in your room? The last time it played in mine, my internet was down for five days.

1 Day Ago
Monday, July 12, 2010
from the Mouth of CBW upon arriving home from a long, long day at the paying job

"Why is there a carrot in the bottom of the dishwasher, and even more importantly, why is it floating in an inch of standing water when I haven't even used the dishwasher in a month lately?

Oh well, I suppose it matches the one inch of standing water in the broken down hot tub, which sadly will not be working for Blog Fest. I can buy some baby pools if that would help assuage the disappointment.

Food Lion also has bags of shrimp on sale, buy one get one free. You can't beat the price. Not with a stick.

The Gazette Journal is such a treat; there are nuggets of information all throughout. If only I had time to share some of the other highlights, which include the fact that an independent filmmaker has moved to town....can you say Blog Fest movie?

Have you read anything interesting in your paper lately?

Incomplete Sentences

A photo of Beelzebub Gustav. Stressful.

A photo of a Mathews water scene. Peaceful.

A photo of my neighbor's dock. Relaxing.

Having to return back to work today after being off for over a week. Stressful.

Cutting hand while assembling a cheap margarita machine purchased for the Blog Festivities. Painful.

And now over to you. What incomplete sentence best describes how you feel right now? Complete sentences are perfectly acceptable too, if you're able to string one together.

p.s. I am excited to report that over the weekend two more people signed up for Blog Fest. If any of you out there are still contemplating attending, please do join us. E-mail me at ChesapeakeBayWoman@gmail.com so I can send you directions and details, including tips on how to avoid attacks from a killer goose known as Gustav. Heavy artillery is involved.

Gustav Says...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MS. FOOLERY.

Gustav, my mother's killer goose who has his own Facebook page, would like to take this opportunity to wish Foolery a very happy birthday. Foolery is the mastermind behind Gustav's Facebook page, and she's downright hilarious.

The whole Foolery Family will be attending Blog Fest this week. I cannot wait to see them.

Gustav, who seems ambivalent about it all, says his gift to her will be a free pass good for one photo session that does not involve biting, although he can't make any promises about hissing and spitting.

Happy Birthday, Ms. Foolery. When you arrive next week watch out for one impudent, killer goose capable of mowing people over on a John Deere.

Gustav has a tractor, and he's not afraid to use it.

A Tentative Plan

For those who have not yet visited the Blog Fest website, below is the latest and greatest information coming out of thin air Blog Fest Headquarters, Mathews County:

Tentative, Completely Flexible Schedule of Events
(Emphasis on "tentative" and "flexible.")

Thursday
3:00 – 6:00 Arrivals; Wine and Cheese at CBW’s house

6:00 – 9:00 Opening Remarks (CBW/BHE/Gustav the Goose, etc.) and Dinner/Shrimp Boil. Locals including Mathews Mark will be in attendance despite claims of having a date with a fishing pole. I've also invited Hallieford Jim and his wife and a few others who hopefully will be able to make it.

Basically, if you are local and you're reading this, you're invited to attend and bring the family. The more the merrier. This holds true for any/all other Blog Fest activities. Please join us.

Friday

9:00 – 10:00 Coffee and Continental Breakfast at CBW’s house

10:00 – 2:00 Tour A – Mathews Tour (Mathews Mark? Are you listening?) with Lunch at Court House or
Tour B – King and Queen Tour with Lunch at Shackelfords

(We will discuss these options Thursday night.)

2:00 – 5:00 Free Time (Shopping; Napping Gwynns Island Museum if time, etc.)

5:00 – 6:00 Happy Hour at CBW’s House (Margaritas)

6:00 – 8:00 Dinner at Sandpiper Reef
(Dear Anonymous Hallieford Resident: I need to make a reservation. Hopefully you can accommodate us. Because one attendee has respiratory struggles, we'd like to sit indoors if possible, I won't know the number until Thursday night, but plan on about 20?)

8:00 - ? Karakoke and Margaritas at CBWs House

Saturday

9:00 – 10:00 Coffee and Continental Breakfast at CBWs house

10:00 – 12:00 Boat Tour

12:00 – 1:00 Sea Breeze for lunch

1:00 Gwynns Island Museum for those who wish

2:00 - ? Gwynns Island Beach including fun in the sun (and shade);
Cornhole Tournament; Boat Rides ;
Cookout; Bonfire; Fun and Frivolity

Sunday

9:00 Breakfast at CBWs house

The End.

Ongoing activities:

Fun
Frivolity
Hijinx
Tours of Noe Noe Girl's Camper
Tales from Mathews Mark
Tours of Chesapeake Bay Mother's Garden
Boat excursions Up the Creek
Gustav Appearances and Autograph Signings
Fiddler Crab Infestations
Mosquito Swatting
Fun
Frivolity
Hijinx

This schedule is subject to change depending on the weather, the whims of the attendees and Gustav the Killer Goose, who may have plans of his own for this group.

Party Planning 101

Welcome to a long overdue edition of Chesapeake Bay Woman's Guide to Home and Garden. Today we'll talk about the proper techniques for planning and preparing for a party.

Before we begin, I'd like to show you the official Blog Fest wine (above) which arrived from California last week. Ms. Foolery, a comic and creative genius, designed the logo and the label and hand-selected the incredibly tasty wine. Not that I've tasted it yet or anything.

And now on to today's lesson. Let's begin.

Lesson #1: The Interior of Your Home
a) Be sure to tidy up your home before the producers of that Hoarders show come calling your guests arrive. Now is the time to call 1-800-GOT JUNK? call the exterminator because nothing kills a festive mood more than indoor insects.

b) I would continue on with this lesson, but let's skip it for now because CBW hasn't really begun Lesson 1.

Lesson #2: The Exterior of Your Home
a) For summer parties be sure your yard is tidied up and your deck/patio/front porch area are free of dead animals clutter and debris.

For example, if an umbrella came crashing through a glass-topped patio table during a nor'easter approximately 10 months ago, and the glass shatters into a million shards, and those million shards are eventually swept into a red bin (below) that subsequently sits on the deck for ten months, so long that pine needles now obscure the contents of the bin, well, this would be an example of something to remove from your deck, assuming you have the biceps of Hercules since it only weighs three thousand pounds. Be careful not to disturb the nice hornet's nest conveniently located in the gas grill to the right.

Another example of a nightmare details to attend to would include any small trees growing through the lattice of your patio (below). That would be the lattice that is affixed, as opposed to the spare lattice which is casually tossed to the side of the charcoal grill. By the way, how does one chop down trees growing underneath a deck when all the accesses are blocked by lattice?
Anyone? Bueller?

Also, be sure to remove the rope lighting and extension cord tossed in the corner that have been there since the Carter administration. The charcoal bags and trash bags loaded with empty cat food cans must be removed in order to get the smell of cat food out of the entertaining area reduce the fly population.

If you happen to have a big bucket that was originally used as a compost "pit" by your children, and there's a bag of potatoes in it, along with a small family of gnomes some other junk, it's time to remove that from the hammock area, because your guests don't want to use the hammock only to be attacked by a family of potato-eating gnomes wonder why there's a bucket full of rotten potatoes at their feet.

If you have decking that has never been properly stained or treated, be sure to start the staining process way more than a week before your event, otherwise you could find yourself in a straight jacket behind schedule on your party preparations. Deck staining requires very strong sedatives a great deal of patience, especially those hateful balusters that make you want to scream, cry and then jump overboard with a cinderblock tied to your ankle move to a nice thatched hut on Bali.

Whatever you do, be sure to paint your deck on a day in February when the mercury is not supposed to reach 100 degrees in an igloo in the shade otherwise you run the risk of hallucinations involving low maintenance homes such as the nursing home which is where you'll be after the heat stroke heat stroke.

This concludes our first two lessons in how to properly prepare for a Blog Fest party. Tune in soon when we'll discuss Lesson One, Interior Cleaning Lesson 3: Outsourcing Your Life Maintenance Work On a Budget.

And yes, that last photo shows another example of my impatience with painting yet another tree growing through the lattice, underneath the steps leading to the back door. Before too long, the house will just lift off its foundation and I'll jump off and head to Bali change the name of this blog to CBW and the Beanstalk.

p.s. Blog Fest is still happening in spite of my lack of communication regarding agenda, activities, etc. If you are interested in attending, we are glad to have you. Please e-mail me at ChesapeakeBayWoman@gmail.com, and be sure to indicate whether you have the patience to paint balusters prefer the Beanstalk Suite or the hammock for accommodations.

Crab House

The photo above is from the dock at the crab house on Gwynns Island. They don't wear crab hats at the crab house, but they really ought to consider it.

(See Monday's post for a full appreciation of The Crab Hat and its many uses. I'm convinced The Crab Hat could solve many diplomatic dilemmas and help guide the human race towards world peace. Or at least a few laughs.)

Crab house workers spend many dark hours indoors picking crab meat under black lights that help illuminate every shred of meat in the shells. It's really quite the operation,and I never would have known this if not for a tour arranged by Chesapeake Bay Father a few years ago.

He hauls seafood (part-time) for the owner of this place and drives a truck to Jessup, Maryland, some nights, or Landover other nights. Rising at 2:00 a.m., he heads to Deltaville where he picks up his seafood-laden truck which he then steers to distributors up north. There he waits for his truck to be unloaded before he drives the several hours back home, sometimes not arriving until noon the following day.

That's not an easy way to make a living when you're almost 70 years old.

Picking crab meat is not an easy way to make a living either. It's tedious work, but I'll bet a few good crab hats would brighten their days.

I should send them some...

Note to self: A tour of the crab house would be a great Blog Fest activity.

Second note to self: Until you get your act together and come up with a Blog Fest itinerary, there's no way of knowing if there's even time for a tour of the crab house. Why don't you get to gettin' on that agenda? ("Get to gettin'" is one of my favorite sayings, fyi.)

Third note to self: Self, leave me alone. I'm tired, and there's too much going on.

Fourth and final note to self: Get with the program and focus on Blog Fest. And don't laugh at my use of the term "focus." Now get to gettin'.

Yes, Virginia, There Will Be a Blog Fest

The photo above was taken from Gwynns Island on the last night of Blog Fest 2009.

This year's event will be from Thursday, July 15, through Sunday, July 18. In spite of the fact that the date is the only information I seem to be able to convey, we are planning lots of fun and frivolity, and maybe even some hijinx

With everything that's been going on around here lately (namely, the community's tremendous loss of a beloved resident), there hasn't been any time to formally contemplate communicate the game plan, and only a small part of that is due to the fact that the game plan has not been solidified.

But never fear, CBW works best under pressure, which is a good thing because she's no stranger to pressure. In fact they are conjoined twins BFFs.

Generally speaking, you can expect the following, in no particular order:

Cookout at CBW's house - CB Parents, CB Children, Bayman, Mathews Mark, Jr. Mathews Mark, Miss Pookie, Hallieford Jim, and other locals will be on hand
Boat Ride
Driving tour with photo ops
Free time to wander around the court house, which is the "downtown" part of Mathews.
Possibly the Gwynns Island Museum
Margarita Machine and Karaoke
Dinner at Sandpiper, with live entertainment, peach bombs and pemrose sausages provided by the infamous Mathews Mark and the 505 Club
Cookout on the beach at Gwynns Island-Chesapeake Bay Baby Sis will make an appearance.
Tours of Chesapeake Bay Mother's garden
Tours of Noe Noe Girl's camper
Lots of laughing
Lots of fun
Lots of heat and humidity
Lots of insects
Tons of laughing
Tons of fun
Hopefully not a heat stroke
Hopefully not a hurricane
Definitely a killer goose with his own Facebook page

The main thing I'd like to get right now is a headcount. Last year's attendees don't have to respond, because I have all your info, but if you are a new attendee this year, please e-mail me at ChesapeakeBayWoman@gmail.com with the following:

a) Your name and address (I am contemplating mailing welcome packets/info out in advance. Contemplating, I said. Stop laughing, Big Hair Envy and Re.)
b) Whether you plan to stay all 3 nights or just a part of the time. (Of course having an agenda would be helpful to answer this question. I promise by next week I'll have something out.
c) Whether you require lodging. We have space here at my house, plus a reader has very generously offered her home if we need it. Commercial lodging is limited, as in there are no hotels/motels but there are lots of private cottages that can be rented out - with enough notice.
d)If you are interested in a souvenir Tervis Tumbler. Big Hair Envy is placing orders.

Remember that free lodging is available at my house and from a very generous local homeowner, so the sooner your respond the better. In my next communication on this topic, I'll include an estimate of out-of-pocket expenses (minus transportation to get here, which of course varies), but last year it was minimal. There were a couple of meals out, souvenirs, a nominal fee for the boat ride, whatever you want to buy in the form of beverages, and that's about it.

Big Hair Envy and I can't wait to see you all, and thanks for being patient with the details.

Three Things

Welcome to Three Thing Thursday, where I share three things and you share three things on any topic whatsoever, assuming it's rated PG-13; PG-23 if you're Mathews Mark.

Let's begin.

1. Although it looks like every other another photo I posted recently, the sunrise above happened yesterday. Stumbling around cussing looking for something clean to wear to work, I glanced out the window. These scenes change very quickly, so I dropped what I was doing (namely, dressing), ran to the kitchen to wrench the camera from its case, and darted onto the back deck to snap away.

Thankfully, the man who fishes crab pots right off my shoreline had not made his way around yet. Otherwise he'd probably be writing a blog post somewhere about the crazy lady standing on her deck wearing not much more than a camera.

2. I'm trying to get a headcount for Blog Fest, that little Mathews County shin dig we're throwing here in a few short weeks, three to be exact.

If you'd like to attend and haven't already done so, please e-mail me at ChesapeakeBayWoman@gmail.com.

Details are forthcoming, as soon as I make them up I promise. In the meantime, if anyone knows where I can borrow or rent a landscaper, a maid and a chef a margarita machine and a karaoke machine let me know.

3. The Gwynns Island Festival is Saturday. Anyone interested in purchasing 50-50 raffle tickets should look for the frizzy-haired, middle-aged, yellow-ticket-holding woman wearing a crazy crab hat. She no doubt will be flustered because she can't talk and chew gum sell tickets at the same time, which also means that anyone who hands her more than exact change can expect to receive inexact change. Tickets are one dollar apiece. The winner splits the proceeds with the Gwynns Island Civic League; last year's winner took home over $700.00. Not a bad deal for a dollar.

Now it's your turn to share three things, whatever you want. Anything at all.

A Conversation with Gustav

Below is a recent conversation between Chesapeake Bay Woman and Gustav, the killer beast of a winged demon goose who resides next door at CB Mother's wildlife refuge:

Gustav, to himself: (Jeeminy Christmas. What does she want now? Quick, maybe I can get away before she starts yackin' aimlessly. She always accuses me of being evil. Little does she know I have good friends in high places, like California and Texas. Canada even.)

CBW: Hey, Gustav. I never spent much time on Facebook back in the Dark Ages when I had dial-up internet, but now that Jim from Hallieford has hooked me up and dragged me into the current century, I've been visiting more frequently. Imagine my surprise when I logged on last night and saw you conversing with people--people I know!


Gustav, beginning to swell with pride: Oh, well then, that's different. Let me slow down for a chat. Yes, of course I have a Facebook account, I even have a fan club. I have friends--and lots of them. Many of them are coming to Blog Fest 2010, which is exactly a month from today, and last time I checked there's no law saying I can't be friends with your friends.

CBW: (Insert sounds of crickets chirping here because CBW has done this much to prepare for Blog Fest: a big Gustav egg-- if Gustav could actually lay an egg, which he can't, unless there's something I'm missing. This ridiculous sentence is now over.)

CBW: Blog Fest is exactly one month from today? One month? Just the other day it was four months away. One month?

Gustav: Girlfriend, I don't stutter. Hiss, yes. Stutter, no.

CBW, frantically pushing the internal emotion button labeled Avoidance and Denial for Survival, because she has done nothing to prepare for Blog Fest other than think about it: OK, well, never mind about Blog Fest and Facebook. Do you think it's at all possible for you to smile for the camera? Would it kill you?

Gustav: It might. Anyway, I am smiling! It's your tough toenails if you can't see it. But if you insist, I'll try harder. How's this?



p.s. Big Hair Envy and I do intend to talk about focus on Blog Fest over the next week(-ish), so thanks for your patience.

p.s.s.t. Does anyone want a winged demon goose on the noose loose?

Three Things

This relaxing scene is from last weekend's camping trip over on the other side of the Chesapeake Bay. I contemplated wading out to that little boat and taking it for a spin, but only for a second.

Anyway.

Today is Thursday, which means it's Three Thing Thursday, where I share three things and you share three things.

1. When did June arrive? Have we skipped some years months? Wasn't it just Christmas? Easter?

2. In any case, if it's June that means it's time for me to focus on Blog Fest 2010, July 15-18, when bloggers from all over the map will descend on little old Mathews County. Over the weekend I'll try to concoct a Blog Fest-related post, but the bottom line is--if you're interested in coming, just e-mail me at ChesapeakeBayWoman@gmail.com so I can get your information and keep you up to date on what is happening and the schedule of events, which of course we haven't figured out yet.

3. I am thrilled to announce that the very kind people at Terro, who make all sorts of ant annihilating products, have offered to send me some free samples of various ant-killing products since my liquid bait traps no longer seem to be enough to stop the influx. Oh, how eagerly I await this package. Hopefully it will arrive before the ants stage their coup, which they're slowly building up to every hour of every day that passes.

Now it's your turn to share three things, whatever you want; anything at all.

As long as it's not covered in ants.

Insects: The Mathews County Edition

The photo above is from the observation deck at New Point Light, on a day that found me running through swamps and briar patches in search of a decent shot of the lighthouse. Instead what I found was swamps and briar patches, an ancient graveyard and chiggers. And swamps.

Chiggers are a story for another day, but they do provide a nice segue way for a discussion of another Mathews County freak of nature nuisance, the "over sized, killer mosquito."

The other day I was perusing the web for information on the lighthouse and discovered this: http://www.newpointcomfort.com/. I'd come across it before but never lingered very long.

The site contains a wealth of information relating to the construction of the lighthouse, including the excerpt below, which in spite of all appearances was not written by a woman with insect paranoia and hysteria me:

Two hurricanes did pass northeast along the Atlantic Seaboard in August 1803 and September 1804 producing violent gales upon the lower Chesapeake. Another, in October 1804 passed directly over the Chesapeake Bay with Force 6 winds before turning nontropical and tracking northward dumping over two feet of snow in New England. Burroughs most likely rode this storm out on the mainland and returned after it had passed.

They also had to endure the conditions that existed beside a thriving salt marsh habitat. "It is home to a variety of aggressive stinging and flesh-eating insects that prey upon their human host. Vast numbers of gnats can erupt from the swamp on still mornings and nights graying the sky in a swarming cloud. They burrow under the clothing and into the hair on the head.

There is also a species of mosquito, larger than average, that can walk upon the skin undetected before it strikes. Biting flies in great variety prey here, some growing to several inches in length. They buzz about the head relentlessly before biting with such voracity as to cause a person to lose their grip or drop what they are carrying in order to swat at the beast."

Three things:

First, the "Burroughs" referenced above is Elzy Burroughs, kin to the one and only Ann Marie aka Re ,who today lives just a hop, skip and a jump (with a cartwheel thrown in for good measure) from the lighthouse her (great-great?) grandfather built. Mr. Burroughs was also appointed the first keeper.

Second, Hallelujah, I feel vindicated. Even centuries ago the mosquitoes and horseflies on steroids were causing people to swat the air and hop up and down like they didn't have any sense. It's not just me. Amen.

Third, Dear Blog Fest Attendees, be sure to bring armored tanks your strongest wine insect repellent.

Speaking of which, Blog Fest is less than two months away...

Miss Mathews

Here we have a photo from historic Abingdon Episcopal Church of a lovely bench nestled in some very lovely flowers in a patch of very nice sunlight, but enough of that because GUESS WHAT I have a very exciting announcement to make and it's this:

We're having a Mini Impromptu Blog Fest this weekend thanks to Meg from Soup is not a Finger Food, and Big Hair Envy, and Noe Noe Girl, and Ann Marie who are coming to my house Saturday for wine followed by some wine refreshments before heading to Mathews High School at 7:00 for the Womanless Beauty Pageant fundraiser for Relay for Life/American Cancer Society.

Please. If you are within driving distance, please come Saturday night. Not only will you be supporting a good cause, you'll also laugh yourself silly.

Plus I'd like to show you the fruit of all my days hours of hard labor without the benefit of an epidural or Lamaze: the birth of this womanless woman known as Bayman, aka "Miss Grimstead."

Purple glitter and spandex will be involved.

If you have any questions about glitter or spandex the event, or if you're struggling to understand coconut bras the meaning of life, e-mail me at

ChesapeakeBayWoman@gmail.com.

I will definitely take pictures but dial-up internet and problems with my computer may preclude my posting them before next week, which will be approximately the same time I recover from all this.

Hypothetically speaking, if you were at a show where men were dressed up as women competing in a talent segment, what would you enjoy seeing them do that could be classified as PG-13?

Hypothetically speaking, does "one size fits all" include all sizes of men when fishnet hose the item in question is made exclusively for women?

p.s. Tonight fellow Mathews County blogger, Miss Mermaid, becomes Mrs. Mermaid on a very special piece of Mathews County land. Congratulations, Lady Mermaid. Watch out for the fiddler crabs, they are killer down that neck of the woods and will latch onto you like clip earrings.

Gustav and Friends

Here is my mother's killer goose, Gustav, frolicking amongst daffodils with one of his friends from Canada. I snuck up on him the other day and overheard this conversation:

Gustav: "Did you hear all the commotion going on around these parts last night?"

Canada Goose: "No, I had to run up the creek and spend the night with my wife in the cove. She gets mad if I stay out past sunset because she has to sit on the nest all day long without a break and claims she has to do 'everything' while I'm out gallivanting with those white geese."

Gustav: "Well, count your lucky stars. That crazy, frizzy-haired Chesapeake Bay Woman next door was whoopin' and hollerin' last night, and nobody could sleep."

Canada Goose: "I've heard similar antics during the day and pretend not to notice. What happened this time--ants everywhere? Snakes in the yard? Spiders? Rodents in the attic? A dead opossum on the shoreline? Fiddler crabs in the garage? Have mercy, it's always something goin' on over there."

Gustav: "No. This was a different sort of shriek. Evidently after a long day at work, she came home and ran around like a chicken with her head but unfortunately not that frizzy hair cut off. Hoping to soothe her last unplucked nerve, she gave the shower door a good yank and it fell off its hinges, sending her backwards as she struggled to keep the glass door upright."

Canada Goose: "What is wrong with her that every day something either breaks, invades her home, or turns into a disaster?"

Gustav: "She's a magnet for disasters. I try to keep my distance and when she gets too close I let her have it with the hissin' and the spittin'. This is somehow translated into Gustav is evil!, but let me tell you somethin'. I want no parts of that frizzy-haired woman and all her shrieks and disasters."


Gustav: "Don't look now, but I think she heard what I said. Quick, act like you have some sense and pretend we were talking about the weather or the cracked corn buffet over here in Chesapeake Bay Mother's Wild Kingdom. If she gets too close, though, you have my permission to bite hiss and spit. You must save yourself and your family."

In unrelated news, Chesapeake Bay Mother is concocting some Gustav memorabilia for Blog Fest this summer. Thus far, T-shirts and coffee cups have been discussed, but no matter what he will be depicted in his preferred stance, which is: neck arched, mouth wide open, and pitchfork under his right wing tongue stuck out in his best hiss.