In spite of all outward appearances, this is not a police line-up.On the left (above), we have Miss Grimstead, aka Bud "Boudoir" Ward, waiting for the talent portion of the competition in Saturday night's Womanless Beauty Pageant at Mathews High School. Next to him is Miss Cardinal, aka former Washington Redskin Stuart Anderson. Sitting in front is Baby Sister's friend Miss Bohannon, aka Chuckie Walker.
She He sashayed and shimmied to "Tip Toe Through the Tulips" for
his her part of the talent competition.
Here
he she is (below) dazzling the judges during the swimsuit competition:
Stuart Anderson Miss Cardinal sang
her his heart out.
So did
Richard Moughon Miss New Point. Speaking of points,
her his knee-high, spike-heeled boots were
very impressive. Unfortunately I didn't capture them fully in this particular shot, which is a tad blurry:
There were
some things I captured that I almost wish I hadn't:
For just the briefest of moments I'd like you to compare Miss Grimstead's broad shoulders (below) to
his her dainty little
thong waist. Yes, those are dollar bills dangling from
her his waistband, and yes that is
spandex under that thong a hula hoop.
By the time the swimsuit competition rolled around, Miss Grimstead was showing signs of
I need a beer and I don't care who I have to knock over to get one fatigue.
But then
he she caught
her his second wind.
Is there a market for Womanless Beauty Pageant talent managers? Because I'm seriously considering changing careers. This was so
daggone exhausting much fun it ought to be illegal, and I'm pretty sure in some states it is.
Thank you to everyone who attended, especially my blog friends:
Meg who drove from suburban Washington, D.C. just for the event;
Noe Noe Girl from about an hour away, who left behind her husband, 7 new laying hens and 52 varieties of recently planted tomatoes to be watered;
Big Hair Envy, who made an emergency phone call to her daughter who has "show choir makeup" to ask the critical question of how one makes fake eyelashes stick when said fake eyelashes
have been purchased from Dollar General for one dollar won't cooperate; and
Ann Marie, whose artistic talent spans from the beautiful cheese platter she served all these ladies to the beautiful glitter fingernail polish she applied when I was so stressed I just wanted to
cry die.
Most of all thanks to the ladies men of Mathews County who proved that real men women really do wear pink thongs.
