Monday, May 3, 2010

Real Men Wear Dresses

In spite of all outward appearances, this is not a police line-up.

On the left (above), we have Miss Grimstead, aka Bud "Boudoir" Ward, waiting for the talent portion of the competition in Saturday night's Womanless Beauty Pageant at Mathews High School. Next to him is Miss Cardinal, aka former Washington Redskin Stuart Anderson. Sitting in front is Baby Sister's friend Miss Bohannon, aka Chuckie Walker. She He sashayed and shimmied to "Tip Toe Through the Tulips" for his her part of the talent competition.

Here he she is (below) dazzling the judges during the swimsuit competition:

Stuart Anderson Miss Cardinal sang her his heart out.

So did Richard Moughon Miss New Point. Speaking of points, her his knee-high, spike-heeled boots were very impressive. Unfortunately I didn't capture them fully in this particular shot, which is a tad blurry:

There were some things I captured that I almost wish I hadn't:

For just the briefest of moments I'd like you to compare Miss Grimstead's broad shoulders (below) to his her dainty little thong waist. Yes, those are dollar bills dangling from her his waistband, and yes that is spandex under that thong a hula hoop.

By the time the swimsuit competition rolled around, Miss Grimstead was showing signs of I need a beer and I don't care who I have to knock over to get one fatigue.

But then he she caught her his second wind.

Is there a market for Womanless Beauty Pageant talent managers? Because I'm seriously considering changing careers. This was so daggone exhausting much fun it ought to be illegal, and I'm pretty sure in some states it is.

Thank you to everyone who attended, especially my blog friends:

Meg who drove from suburban Washington, D.C. just for the event;

Noe Noe Girl from about an hour away, who left behind her husband, 7 new laying hens and 52 varieties of recently planted tomatoes to be watered;

Big Hair Envy, who made an emergency phone call to her daughter who has "show choir makeup" to ask the critical question of how one makes fake eyelashes stick when said fake eyelashes have been purchased from Dollar General for one dollar won't cooperate; and

Ann Marie, whose artistic talent spans from the beautiful cheese platter she served all these ladies to the beautiful glitter fingernail polish she applied when I was so stressed I just wanted to cry die.

Most of all thanks to the ladies men of Mathews County who proved that real men women really do wear pink thongs.


foolery said...

Chas is ignoring me. Even sleeping Chas could not POSSIBLY snore through the donkey noises I have been making for five minutes now, as I scroll down, then back up, then down again -- *pause to catch my breath* -- then down again only to start the braying all over again.

Jeebus Crisco, these photos are hilarious. The one of Bayman needing a beer kicked the giggles into high gear. Although, I must say, he rocks the Spanx very well. And now I must make penance somehow.

Occasional Kate said...

Oh my..... It's a good thing I wasn't there because I most certainly would have peed myself with laughter!

also, WV: hosards.... What boudoir was probably calling his spanx as he huffed and puffed trying to yank them on!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I am still laughing out loud! What another hootin' good time! Just when you think it cant get any more funner...
Thanks CBW for letting us camp out. Aint nothing better than hanging out with good friends!
And that Bayman will always get my vote!

Mrs F with 4 said...

It's just not FAIR to make me laugh that much, first thing on a Monday morning! Not to mention, a waste of a good cup of Yorkshire Gold, now splattered across the screen of my Mac.

I don't know which one of the 'ladies' is funnier / sexier / BRAVER .... but I SO wish I'd been there.

And I think there had been some heavy-duty waxing doing on, no?

Mental P Mama said...

I hope he got that beer. Too dadgum funny.

Pueblo girl said...

That was great! Al kudos to the "ladies" - only in a small town...Hope the fundraising reflected their efforts.

nativedevil said...

And, as one battling cancer, thank you all very much.

Trisha said...

After recovering from my laughing fit . . . I can tell you that this is a BRILLIANT idea and that the men involved were really brave - especially for the whole swimsuit comeptition!

Thanks for the pictures!

Julie said...

That is one event I wish I could have fun!

Daryl said...

OMG .. so gorgeous, er, handsome .. those shoulders, those boots .. all those men being such fabulous sports to do this to raise money... so who won?

Meg McCormick said...

I'm wondering if - and how - Bud removed the body glitter and all that blue eyeshadow! Next year (yes?) We need to have that show choir makeup kit handy.

Bud and the other guys are great sports!

big hair envy said...

Can't BELIEVE I forgot to wear my "Pretends" to work today! I guess I didn't realize that it would be even FUNNIER the second time around!!!

Thanks for your hospitality, and for all of the laughs. I believe that Drag-Fest '10 was a HUGE success;)

Sharon Day said...

Apparently, the girls have changed since I was last there!
You’re mentioned on my blog today

Diane said...

Bayman is adorable and rocks that spanx like a "pro"! Love the dollars in the G string!

I'm laughing so hard my nose is bleeding!

See y'all in about 8 weeks! Will Bud be wearing pig tails at the bbq?

nativedevil said...

I may seriously change my vacation plans to come to Blog Fest. Tired of missing all the fun!

foolery said...

So, will there be a reprise of this contest in July? I would be happy to save some $1 bills.

Bayman said...

I would do it all again in a heartbeat. That was probably the most fun I ever had while partialy clothed. We have to do all we can to stop cancer.

abb said...

THAT looks like a lot of fun was had!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Thank you all for reading and commenting. My computer is still not functioning properly, so I never know when I'll be able to post or comment on here and other blogs.

Speaking of other blogs, be sure to check out Big Hair Envy, Noe Noe Girl and Ann Marie (links in today's post or from my Blog Roll on the right column) for more photos and narrative from this truly hilarious event. Native Devil has a post about it too and he lives five hours away! You can click on his name in the comments section to find his web page or go to

At the risk of overkill, I will post one more time about the pageant--tomorrow. It was just too much fun and now I'm in post-beauty pageant let down/depression mode.

We need another project!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Autumnforest-Thank you so much for the mention - next time you're in town, we're taking the cameras and heading out. You should try to come to Blog Fest if you can - perfect opportunity not just for photographs but for good, hearty, soul-healing laughter with hilarious bloggers from all over the place, up to and including Canada. (Mrs. F. I'm looking at you, but really I'm speaking of the Baroness. Still, I'm glancing your way...)

Unknown said...

Just have to say, my SIL thinks I have gone off the deep end. He walked into the room last night as I was laughing while looking at these pictures. I think he told my daughter that I need an intervention.
You guys all deserve mega awards for the best hootenanny ever.