Monday, January 12, 2009

The Explosion

This is another picture I took one quiet, peaceful morning on Gwynn's Island. It was spectacular. Speaking of peace and quiet, I now turn to a story that involves anything but.

Today we have a guest contribution about a church cookout. Actually, two people contributed to this post, and part of it is copied from a recent Facebook conversation.

The cast of characters in this story includes:

MMM - Mathews Mountain Man, author of the story and Gwynn's Island native
B. - Gwynn's Island native who grew up with MMM
The Preacher - of Gwynn's Island Baptist Church
Mr. C - man who was helping the preacher
Miss Pookie - MMM's mother

Holy Hamburgers in Space or
A Conversation between Old Acquaintances on FaceBook


CBW has been encouraging me to relate the details of a conversation I had on FaceBook with an old acquaintance. When I reviewed the “message” exchange between my friend B. and I, I thought it was funny enough in its original form – with a few discrete modifications of course. Besides, I’m too lazy to sit down and compose a well written essay.

Respectfully in regards to B, some people remember the strangest things...

Enjoy, MMM

The Facebook Exchange:

December 5 at 11:43am

MMM: Hey B. All is well here. "Hamburger in space... um"; seems I vaguely recall something that happened at a youth church meeting with The Preacher? Am I even in the ballpark?

December 5 at 5:50pm

B: Yes! The Preacher and Mr. C. were leading the Royal Ambassadors [Baptist Youth Group] and after playing ball and having a lesson, we cooked out behind the church. Miss Pookie, knowing you didn't like hot dogs, had fixed you a hamburger in Reynolds wrap, and it blew up and never came down. I swear no one found even a piece of it. I think several of us used the Lord's name in vain when it went off.

December 6 at 10:44am
MMM: You certainly remember the details about that one better than I do. I should ask Pookie what she put in that hamburger, though I'm sure The Preacher and Mr. C. have already done that. Maybe that explains why I now like hot dogs.

December 6 at 11:02am

B: Maybe Miss Pookie was having vision problems back then, instead of garlic powder, she must have picked up the one that said gun powder.

December 10 at 10:49pm

MMM: So B, I've been getting a little grief about that pyrotechnic hamburger. (I'm accustomed to grief from CBW and her sisters - we go back a ways.) And, I've been told that you might post a story about it on some obscure blog... If so, you may as well get my take on it:

As for the hamburger; Pookie was trying to kill me; but she failed, just as she did every other time she tried. God forbid I hear the words, Mathews Mountain Man; did you know that when pronounced in sequence Mathews Mountain Man means "I'm going to kill you"; in another language it also means R.U.N.

Pookie didn't kill me with that hamburger, but she almost killed the preacher and one of the most pious citizens that ever lived on Gwynn's Island - Mr. C. Just think, a preacher and one of God's finest, both dead and gone with one hamburger. As for me, I was in the sanctuary on my knees when the damn thing exploded.

December 11 at 12:05am

B: Up until the moment the said hamburger exploded, I had always considered Emory's burgers to be the most dangerous. His were hard and flat and it would be assault with a deadly weapon if one were thrown at someone. No, your burger took it to new heights, literally.

December 11 at 12:28am

B: I think this is funnier than the time they gave away the turkeys on WKRP. They threw them out of a helicopter, and Less Nessman made it sound like the guy who announced the Hindenburg disaster...They're hitting the ground like bags of wet cement...

CBW's Commentary (because you know she can't help but remark even when it doesn't involve her)

Once upon a time at a church picnic, a boy's mother packed a hamburger that, when heated over a campfire, blasted off into outer space never to be seen again. To this day nobody knows why it exploded or where it went, but it remains one of the many unsolved mysteries of Mathews County and gives a whole new twist to the expression, "Where's the beef?"


Unknown said...

Oh boy! Is Pookie, or the boys mother, involved in the East Coast Blogapalooza in July?

What I'm really asking is, will they be spearheading the cookout? Any cookout? If so, I'll have a burger. And can you make sure it's wrapped in foil?

That is so funny!

Ann Marie said...

Great now I am going to spend half the morning trying to figure out contestants in your little story...

Val said...

what on earth.......... maybe its still travelling??? what is a blogapalooza - a writing horse with spots?
another great one!

Anonymous said...

I guess when the big guy is hungry he just grabs a burger where ever he can find one :)!

Hope you can survive reality today, after what was undoubtedly a fun filled birthday.

Mental P Mama said...

I'd like to know why everyone in Mathews County is such a fantastic wordsmith.

Anonymous said...

"Where's the beef?" Nice CBW. Perhaps that explains the rumor about the preacher leaving the ministry and becoming a marketing executive for Wendy's.


Anonymous said...

This little tale was very enjoyable ... mostly due to the fact that I think I have figured out all of the characters and was able to make a mental picture in my mind ....

Icey said...

Too funny! Also nice to hear that you are still in touch with MMM - I remember him from way back when, as well as Ms Pookie from your wedding festivities. Hi to all!

Big Hair Envy said...

Note to Self: NO hamburgers are to be served at the Blogapalooza. Mathews County is a hot-dog-only zone.

Excuse me while I go write this in my purple spiral notebook (out of which two pages have been ripped). I certainly don't want to forget.

tj said...

...Is that what friggin' landed on our barn roof one nite? I told my husband, "it looks like lil' pieces of meat exploded",
he said, "no, no, it's pieces of a meteor or somethin'"...
I said, "well then, explain to me why the barn cats are up there eating it",
him, "Huh, I dunno".
...Mystery solved...*giggle* ;o)

...Just for the record, I think it's safe to say that everyone will BYOM to the :o)
(Bring Your Own Meat) Now that I think about it, that doesn't sound very nice does it? *hee,hee*

...So is everyone in Mathews a great spinner of tales or what? I can't imagine what it must be like around there when it comes time to tuck the kids in and tell 'em a bedtime story! lol... Great stuff btw! :o)

...Would like more details regarding 'Anon's' comment up there about the "fun filled birthday"... ;o)

...Blessings all...

Anonymous said...

Good times at that church! I think we need more stories.

Anonymous said...

RE: whether Mathews folk are talented wordsmiths? can they spin a good yarn? (come to think of it, thrilling bedtime stories may explain why the children around here never seem to go to sleep)

I must refer y'all to the post from December 2, 2008 when some witty Mathews/Gwynn's Island resident recollected that "it rained flash lights for five minutes." Where else can you find prose like that?

Or the post from December 29, 2008, when the MHS student said "Harry Ward, meet hairy chicken."

If I live long enough to say something witty and apt as either of those phrases, I will die a happy woman.

Until then I will just be satisfied to listen, and try not to snort soda out of my nose while enjoying the hilarious stories.


foolery said...

The hamburger went to the same place where your pet's pill goes when you try to stuff one in his gullet this morning.

The only things I'm certain of are that you'll never find it and it won't have been swallowed.

(Mathews is where all the Paul Bunyan and Pecos Bill stories came from, right?)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

First of all, this newsflash: MY T-REX OF A COMPUTER IS ON ITS LAST LEG AND MAY SOON BE CREMATED. In the meantime, I am over at a friend's house frantically typing away and sweating --LITERALLY, IT'S RUNNING DOWN MY FACE AND BACK--as I suffer the withdrawals of no home-computer access amd the stress of doing this under duress.

I am going to try and queue something up for tomorrow, but may not be able to. If you don't hear from me for a while, this is why.

GJ - I can definitely arrange for a visit to see Pookie. She;s a wonderful lady, a lively character and the essence of Mathews.

AM - I can tell you who they are via Facebook IF I EVER FIX MY COMPUTER OR BUY A NEW ONE.

Val - We are having a bloggers' fest in Mathews in July, details will be forthcoming once Big Hair Envy and I have a chance to meet. It's gonna be good. If there's any way you can get here from your continent, we'd love to have you.

Anonymous - That's it! The Big Guy was definitely hungry. Mystery solved. Birthday was one of the best ever due to such warm, wonderful wishes from the blogosphere, Facebook, etc. I was really overwhelmed and will never forget it.

MPM --I always knew our natives are incredible story tellers. In fact, if there was a way to capture some of the older folks on film and post it, what a treasure we'd have. Actually, there IS a way to do this, but given the fact that I still use dial-up and a computer that is currently on its last leg, we best not rely on me. Maybe when you come this summer, we can get some of the locals to tell some's an untapped treasure.

MMM - I have laughed all day long at you being on your knees in the sanctuary "when the damn thing exploded." Hilarious, I tell you. You Gwynns Islanders are characters.

JLC - I'll be happy to tell you who they are...I have no doubt you know/knew them well. Whenever you are ready to send a guest contribution, I am waiting....I am sure you have stories too. (Nevermind Gwynn's Island, what about teaching here in Mathews?)

Icy - There's only one Pookie and she's as lively as ever.

BHE - I am going to rely on you to be the detail-oriented half of this blogfest team....and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO COOL BREEZE!

TJ - Too funny....don't worry. If you show up here this summer we won't feed you any TNT-laden burgers. I had a very quiet b-day, it was perfect.

Phyl - I will try and milk more stories from these two and if you have any you'd like to contribute, please send 'em my way.

AMN - This means so much...I agree. These people are witty, gifted and, quite honestly, hilarious. BTW - YOU ARE TOO. The "Cows Heading to the Courthouse on Christmas Eve Eve" story is classic.

Foolery - I don't know how you think of this stuff, but I sure am glad you do. You always make me laugh.

Anonymous said...

Foolery -
Paul Bunyon from Mathews, I can see that and it makes a lot of sense. But I'm afraid that Pecos Bill has to have come from a place that has more of a 'south of the border' flair. Some place like Orland maybe? :)

But then where was Blue born?

tj -
I could say that I was sworn to secrecy. But the truth is, what happened on Sunday is something a gentleman just doesn't discuss :))


nativedevil said...

Brings to mind the disc jockey song "Burgers on the Grill", a tke-off on "Riders on the Storm"
I llok forward to the July Fest. Any excuse to come down for a few days

Unknown said...

So funny : ). An exploding hamburger at a church picnic! That's classic!

Unknown said...

PS I love that picture! Just gorgeous!

Bob Cleveland said...

There weren't any BBQ beans accidentally mixed in there with the shredded cow, were there? If there were, you'd better be dadgum glad the guy didn't want it rare.

After dealing with the after-effects of abdominal radiation treatment, I can tell you the results WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN PRETTY.

The anti-spam word is "spatimm". I don't know what that means, but it does seem to fit.

Unknown said...

CBW, Ok, I need technical help from you That cartoon that you liked? I left it enormous before downloading it to my post. I was hoping it would enlarge when you click on it, like your hairy lips picture did...or any picture that enlarges when you click on it. Somehow, I don't know the secret....and you do.