Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Contestant #7

I bet I could give Mathews natives any number of guesses and they'd never figure out where I took this. For now, I'm keeping it a secret, because I have some better shots that will be more revealing, but I will say this old building is not in Mathews, it's in a neighboring county at an intersection very well travelled by anyone who's been here for a while.

Speaking of secrets that I'd like to keep, and shots that are revealing, we turn now to a story about college, in particular about Chesapeake Bay Middle Sister even though it appears to be about a certain hungry--if not savage--older sister.

We're up to Contestant #7 in my little story contest, and this one is a story I am all too familiar with. I will do the impossible and refrain from adding my two cents and instead will merely place an asterisk * in all parts of the story that I would ordinarily feel compelled to comment. Since this isn't my story, it isn't fair for me to interject myself, but that doesn't mean I can't do it after the contest is over.

Let's begin.

Chesapeake Bay Middle Sister
By Contestant #7

Once upon a time there was a girl from Mathews County called Chesapeake Bay Middle Sister who went to UVA, following in the footsteps of her older sister. CBMS has been much maligned in this blog* but I have always loved her. Tall and beautiful* like her sister* and incredibly silly*, she has always been able to make me laugh. She was also a novelty* to me since I never had a younger sister, just an obnoxious* little brother.

During her first year in college she spent quite a lot of time in our apartment*, as in almost every weekend*. It could have been that she was homesick*, but there were a number of other compelling reasons for her frequent visits. First of all, she lived in the furthest dorm away from UVA civilization. Even the fact that it was a football dorm was not enough to mitigate the fact that it was incredibly long hike to anywhere important or even to anywhere unimportant (such as class). Second of all, we were at least a mile closer to the fraternities*, the downtown bars, the athlete apartment complex, etc. We also had a couple of cars* and were old enough to buy beer*. Best of all, we lived right behind a 7-11* and a Hardees, ideal for late night snacking. More often than not*, she would stop at one or the other on the way home and then “stop by” to see if there was a late night party going on. More often than not she would stay the night*. After all our whole living room was taken up by a couch/bed – as in a regular couch (also from Mathews County) with a fold out twin couch placed horizontally in front of it (abandoned by prior renter).

One night she got home some time before us with her snack*. We came home to find her “fast asleep*” wearing her coat and gloves and with a half-eaten Hardee’s biscuit in her hand – held straight up in the air with her elbow at a 90 degree angle*. In spite of the fact that she had obviously been there for some time (as evidenced by the cold congealed biscuit), CBW* exclaimed, “Waste not, want not!” and proceeded to finish off the biscuit*. This was when I came to truly admire the thriftiness of Mathews County folk – or maybe just CB Family.

* As I said, I will refrain from adding my remarks even though I really, really, really want to. Oh, and I will, just not during the contest. - cbw


Annie said...

very funny!

have been waiting all afternoon for the next last!


Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

There is so much I could say much indeed. I certainly hope that MIDDLE SISTER will finally come out of her lurking mode and say a word or two about this incident, because I am chomping at the bit to give my version that is slightly different than the one presented here.

Folks, we have 2 or 3 more stories to go, we're reaching the end of the contest and pretty soon we'll go back to the normal ho-hum, ridiculous, insane, insufferably long-winded posts that make you want to scream.

For now, I am off to the paying job that, regrettably, is not roller derby. (Can somebody find out if there is still women's roller derby available and how I sign up? I am serious. Really. I have so much pent-up anger they'd think I was crazy. Never mind that they'd be right.)

Back on tonight assuming the computer still works, speaking of pent-up anger.

Ann Marie said...

Yes there is an on going Roller Derby and it is HUGE.. beyond huge.

I want to know what YOUR Roller Derby character would be. CBW just doesn't scream scary enough to me..

cold biscuits.. cold stove top.. ramen noodles.. ahhh those were the days.

Mental P Mama said...

Now I can't wait for the rest of the story...Where's Paul Harvey?

mmm said...

James Michener wrote a book entitled "Chesapeake" in which he told the tales of three families. One of those families was the Turlocks. The Turlocks started out living like muskrats (i.e. scavenging marsh rats) that evolved into a higher order of humans...

Why am I writing this...

I think I'll have a biscuit...

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming that your affinity for sofas began in college!?

Can't wait to hear a response from CBMS.

You ATE the biscuit? Really?

Check out Suz's blog "Alive in Wonderland"...she has a roller derby connection:)

mmm said...

CBW, I didn't mean to imply anything by my earlier post - likely a senior moment, you know. In fact, I'm really fond of biscuits and have probably scavenged more than a few in my day. All the better if they were lathered with butter or had a slab of sausage on them. BUT, I mean, but, I don't recall ever taking one out of the hands of an inebriated stiff.

Anonymous said...

Are you going to republish that story with your comments interjected? I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Anonymous said...

A rubber biscuit? bow bow bow - ignore obscure reference to Blues Brothers - Ah, the good ol' days.

Anonymous said...

How could anyone fall asleep eating a Hardies biscut? Obviously didn't have food priorities straight back then :)

On the other hand, if I had an older sibling to keep me in line (rat-me-out), they could mention a time when I fell asleep with a partially eaten sack of White Castles in the room.


Anonymous said...

How could anyone fall asleep eating a Hardies biscut? Obviously didn't have food priorities straight back then :)

On the other hand, if I had an older sibling to keep me in line (rat-me-out), they could mention a time when I fell asleep with a partially eaten sack of White Castles in the room.


foolery said...

I am so sad. Blogger just ate my comment right out of my hand, like a cold congealed biscuit. So if it shows up unexpectedly, Cheeky, you have my permission to eat it.

This was so funny, especially with all the asterisks. Kind of like watching a roast of someone whose mouth is duct taped at the time. Did you break your asssssssssterisk key, CBW?

BHE is right -- check out Suz at Alive in Wonderland for roller derby stuff.

Thanks #7! Funny, funny stuff.

Meg McCormick said...

Oh pleaseplease tell us there is photographic evidence of this incident? Please?

I was going to chime in to suggest checking out Alive in Wonderland (you can get there from my Blogroll) but your faster friends beat me to it. Oh well, great minds think alike. (And so do we.)

Heck, now that I read this story, I have one or two that come to mind that would be worth throwing into the ring! It's too late, though, isn't it? Drat. If it isn't, I'll put something together and send it over...

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't you all feel bad if I told you that I am narcoleptic?! Well, that's a possibility. How would you feel if one moment, you were enjoying a Hardee's biscuit and the next thing you know, you're sitting there on a double sofa / community bed with your mouth open, a wrapper stuffed back into your hand and three wild-eyed, cackling college students staring at you like you have three heads!

-CB Middle Sis

pjhammer_1965 said...

Passed-out eating a biscuit. Stop the presses, we have a winner...LMAO! Whew Hew - I love you CB Middle Sis. Come Visit!! Summer's coming and the next pool party will be bigger and better...

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Finally home from the paying job.

In response to Middle Sister's remarks, I say the following....Narcolepsy? Must have been situational narcolepsy, where the situations always involved overindulgence in a certain brewed beverage that was often handed out freely at fraternity parties. Also, you STILL HAD YOUR COAT AND GLOVES ON with the biscuit in your hand, wrapper half off, and perhaps one bite taken out of it. YOU HAD BEEN HOLDING IT UPRIGHT ALL NIGHT LONG. Who in their right mind would not laugh at that? (BTW, remind me to talk about the time I slipped down the hill behind Hardees when it was so cold the ground had frozen and I was wearing those ridiculous shoes with the pointy toes and the tiny heels and ended up going for an unexpected ride on my hind parts into the parking lot of Wahoo West.)

I can't respond to everyone tonight, but ...MMM I will go ahead and spill the beans about this story, and that is, that in my version of events MIDDLE SISTER woke up the next morning after we made an uproar over the fact that she was in the living room passed out with her gloves and coat still on, her arm raised up to preserve the integrity of the sausage biscuit AND*** SHE *** PROMPTLY ATE IT.

I guess we'll never know what really happened. We have as many versions of the story as witnesses, but perhaps my Finnish Friend who was also there can shine some light on this. Are you reading Finnish Friend? If you don't wish to comment, send me an e-mail. We must know who ate the biscuit. You know what the correct answer is...

Now, I am off to investigate roller derby as a new career. I am VERY excited.

We have a couple more great stories to go!

Anonymous said...

CB Middle Sis -
There was a guy in college who claimed that excuse quite often...until he was with a group of art majors who had lots and lots of colored markers at their disposal. Must be pure luck that you've never been around a graffiti artists when you had one of your 'seizures' :))