Monday, July 14, 2008

Amusement Park



This is yet another shot of the bay from the Eastern Shore of Virginia, and it has absolutely nothing to do with anything you will read below, other than this is the bay, and I live near the bay and desire to stay as close as possible to it for the rest of my days on this planet.

Today, which is really yesterday when you read this, Mathews County native, frequent commenter and my second (or third? or one and a half, two times removed? *) Cousin Cats, her son and my son went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg. We had a great time, great weather and plenty of laughter. And screaming. The screaming was all mine; the laughter was mostly my son's. He likes to laugh at his mother, and I love making him laugh, even if it isn't intentional and I am merely trying to ensure everyone is aware that I am about to die due to my head being jerked off my shoulders by DaVinci's Cradle, for example.

I would like to provide the following tips for any of you contemplating going to an amusement park this summer:

1. To prepare for the day, start working out a year in advance. I recommend a heavy dose of weight lifting and plenty of cardio. This will eliminate the need to call the park medical staff when, upon walking mile 4,000, you collapse in the heat into a puddle of despair.

And this was just the distance from the car to the tram that took us into the 20-mile long wait just to get into the park.

2. To practice for the waiting in line, try holding the contents of your bladder for, oh, twelve days straight. During those twelve days, do not eat a single morsel of food, do not drink water, and please do stand in front of a blazing fire underneath a heat lamp in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Wear a ski suit and wrap yourself in Seran Wrap. Under these conditions, stand jammed up against 42,000 people and be herded through a maze with no end.

And then, after an eternity, two panic attacks, some nail biting and many tears, get on some 3-d ride that JERKS YOUR INSIDES AROUND until your intestines and your brain exchange places.

You are now prepared to face the abusement park.

The End.

* Cats' great-grandfather and my great-grandfather, the blacksmith, were brothers. I have no idea what that makes us, other than cousins who enjoy each other's company and like to laugh. That's all that matters in life anyway, loving and laughing.

12 comments:

Mental P Mama said...

Abusement park...nothing could be more accurate.

Bear Naked said...

Sounds like you had a heck of a ride there.

So is the brain back in it's proper place now?

Bear((( )))

ps How appropriate.
The word varification is oowwz.

cats said...

Hey cbw,
Today I feel my age. I slept until 9:00. I feel like I have been whipped and run over by a bus. Everything from my neck down hurts.
I had a wonderful time. I am so glad we could get together. Talking about control things like the pony, That is why I have to ride everything. I can't let my son know that his mother is old and keep up with him. I will not sibmit to my age, NEVER.
LOve ya
Hope you are well today and all o your internal organs are back in place. I wouldn't have to cal Dr. S. He would laugh his head off.

Grandma J said...

I refuse to wait in long lines at amusement parks anymore.
If you can manage to latch on to someone who has a disabled pass around their neck, you can go to the front of the line. Not that I would do that....ever.

Glad you and Cat provided ample laugh material for your son...that's what moms are for.

soupisnotafingerfood said...

If the great-grandfathers were brothers, then their offspring were first cousins, and their offspring's offspring were second cousins, which makes you and Cat third cousins.

Ask me anything.... except don't ask me to go to another amusement park anytime soon. I don't do crowds and lines well. Blech. But glad y'all had a great time!

foolery said...

No hurling? Did no one woof their cookies? Just how good a day could it have been, then? ha ha -- glad you had a good outing. Your son is likely telling everyone that his DaVinci Cradle-riding mom is a STUD, or similar. At least, he'd better be. :)

auds at barking mad said...

You have just, so perfectly, articulated why I HATE (can not emphasize that enough) amusement parks.

Well that and getting stuck on "It's a Small World" for three hours straight have pretty much sealed the deal!

Big Hair Envy said...

I haven't been there in about ten years. As your list points out, there is a reason for that !!!

I can't figure out why people get SEASON'S PASSES!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

mpm - It most definitely was abuse. It was fun, but hard work.

bn - The brain is indeed finally back in its proper location, although its functionality is still very much in question...and always will be.

cats - YOU FEEL YOUR AGE? YOU RODE THE GRIFFIN AND I SAT ON THE SIDELINES ALONG WITH ALL THE SENIOR CITIZENS who were darning socks while I wept at the thought of y'all going at a 90-degree angle into the depths of disability. It was fun, though. I'm glad we did it.

gj - Grand idea. We saw these express lines that you had to pay extra for, and many is the time that I rued not paying that extra cash.....

soup - Thank you. I need someone like you to keep my facts in check. Or to merely provide facts at all. Thank you!

foolery - Had I ridden half the stuff everyone else did, indeed there would have been some cookies tossed. Exercising some wisdom and restraint, two things I normally avoid at all costs, I sat on the sidelines. On the particular rides I did go on, Son was laughing so loud you could have heard him in your lovely state of California. I scream before the ride even starts, much to his chagrin. I scream when I see ant on the counter. And he laughs hysterically. I love it.

auds - I remember It's a Small World and refused to even acknowledge its existence the one and only time I took Son and Daugher to Disney World. I gave up those sorts of lines in college--and at least then there was a decent band and cold drinks at the end of it all....

bhe - It's a great place to visit on a day that isn't crowded if you are between the ages of 10 and oh, 11, perhaps 20. I used to work there during college and have fond memories of it as far as working there. Of course I also have fond memories of The Waltons but that doesn't mean I would watch them today.

Thanks to all of you for stopping by.

tj said...

...Gosh, after reading all of that and I still wanna go! I guess I'm all for waiting in a packed line 'til I turn another year older, holding my pee 'til my eyes water, having my internal organs trade places, all for a cheap 3 minute thrill ride. ;o)

...Well I'm glad to hear that your son had a good time and yes, there is nothing like hearing your mom laugh or having your mom make you laugh - priceless stuff!

...Blessings... :o)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

tj - you make me laugh. And that is priceless.

Karen Deborah said...

your killing me, your so funny and telling it like it IS!