Thursday, July 31, 2008

I Forget

This is a view of the Chesapeake Bay from the vicinity of Bethel Beach. It's some beach in between Haven and Bethel and so help me I can't figure out what it's called. Or I knew and I've forgotten. I forget practically everything these days. My brain cells went on strike after my children were born and they've never gone back to work. I need to fire them and hire some new ones.

Folks, it is time for a little quiz. See if you can answer the following questions correctly:

1. Yesterday, Chesapeake Bay Woman went to the Court House (village) to run some errands. What happened?

a) She had to write down in excruciating detail every single stop she needed to make and what she needed to do or procure at each one. If she did not carry this list with her, she would get to the Court House and not remember one single thing on the list. Nary a one.

b) She stopped to get gas, which she HATES to do almost as much as ironing, which she never does and would sooner throw an item away or wear it wrinkled than ever pull out an iron. She realized she needed to get a Gazette Journal (the local paper) and ran into Zooms to pick one up while she left the gas pumping. She does this all the time with no problems whatsoever. Today, though, she was flustered more than usual and she drove off from the gas pump. With the nozzle still in the gas tank.

c) All of the above and I need a vacation.

2. Why does Chesapeake Bay Woman refer to herself in the third person sometimes, but not always, and not even consistently within the same post?

a) She's nuts.
b) She needs a vacation.
c) She forgets that she is Chesapeake Bay Woman and thinks she's writing about someone else.
d) All of the above.

1. c
2. d

Stay tuned, everyone. Hopefully later today I'll post one of my mother's stories. Right now I have to tackle a list of 145 things to get done before vacation, and I am stressing more than usual. Forgetting stuff and driving off from a gas pump without removing the nozzle doesn't help matters. Not one bit.


Anonymous said...

One time our neighbor drove off from a gas pump without removing the nozzle from his car. He was down the street before he figured it out. Thus proving what, exactly? Perhaps that women don't have the market cornered on scatterbrainedness.

You shouldn't have too much to pack, right? Just bathing suits and toothbrushes for all. The rest is just fluff.

I'm hoping I can fit all of our FLUFF into the back of the 'Burb tonight!

Grandma J said...

I can't believe how hilarious you are. I had to text my daughter alerting her to read it. I can't call's all about texting.

You sound like Rita with the gas nozzle, and I also blog in the third person on occasion. I think it's when I blog about something I'm too embarrassed to own as my own...yeah, it was her not me.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

In all my days on this planet I have never EVER done that gas pump thing. EVER. (And yes, I did think of Rita, Grandma J.)

OH! I forgot to put this final test question in:

3. Chesapeake Bay Woman begins the arduous chore of doing pre-vacation laundry for two kids and herself. What happens?

a) When she opens up the dryer--because she always forgets stuff in there--she finds a load of laundry still there. Not unusual. Except they were still wet. And had been there for over 4 days. Forgot to push the button on when I threw the wet clothes in there. Nice.

b) When she then goes to open the washing machine, she is stunned to see an entire load. Still wet. Waiting to go in the dryer. For over 4 days.

c) All of the above.

You know the answer. It just isn't right, I tell you.

Bear Naked said...

Thanks so much for your comments on my blog today.
You could see I really needed them.

As I really needed to come here to find my smile.
It's back now.

Bear((( )))

Anonymous said...

Someone has to backtrack to catch up on her stinky mildewey laundry!

I wouldn't know anything about that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am off to retrieve the clothes that have been in my dryer (dry, I think) for a WEEK.

Grandma J said...

It's B. 4 day old wet laundry

Anonymous said...

What Cbw forgot to say was that when she realized the pump was still on she almost broke the hose off.

Big Hair Envy said...

I haven't done the gas pump thing - yet; however, I am right there with you on the laundry. I try so hard to be efficient, and it just blows up in my face :( Must be an oldest sibling thing.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

HAAA!!! Son, I was trying to leave that part out of the story!!

Love you.

"Mean Mom" said...

Lol, you sound a lot like me. And writing in the third person is something many good writers do. You should consider putting together a book of essays. Cowrite with your mama!

Very interesting to find you on the 'Net and then learn that you are a neighbor within walking cool is that?! And I'll show up one of these days soon with my camera to steal some of your sunsets/sunrises. :)

When is your vacation?


Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

gj - I had 4-day-old, wet, stinky clothes in both the dryer AND the washing machine. And Daughter kept asking me all day yesterday where all her clothes were...I found 'em.

bhe - Thank you for understanding. The stress and trauma of having to shoulder so much responsibility at such a young age undoubtedly contributed to this ailment.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

mean mom - Next week is the so-called vacation. When we return I'll give you a tour of the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus that we call home here. Yes, it is a small world.

tj said...

...CBW, you're a HOOT! lol...I've never done that nor have I ever left my gas cap off or the gas cap door open. Yeah, I'm kinda regimented like that(or maybe demented? ;o)...

...'Mean Mom', could you snap a photo of CBW riddin' her lawn of fiddler crabs with her riding mower? I'll pay you for the photo...(hee,hee) :oD

...And I can relate to the four day old laundry scenario. Right now I've got a load of clothes in the dryer that I've forgotten about since Monday. And since yesterday I've gone in there and restarted the dryer to fluff 'em up for a few minutes with intentions of folding them only to completely forget about them - again! It's psychological I'm tellin' ya...

...How cute is that?! A comment from CBS! "Hello" CBSon! :o)

...Happy Friday & Happy August 1st!


"Mean Mom" said...

CBW, I look forward to the tour. I'll bring my whip and chair--

tj, I could send you such a photo of CBW but, well (looking down, scuffing shoe in the dirt...), then we'd have to put you into the witness protection program. You might even have to leave the country...

foolery said...

You need more sleep. I need more sleep. We all need more sleep.

And ice cream.

Looking forward to reading you mom's stuff, too!

-- Laurie

Living on the Spit said...

About talking in third person...I think it is inherently a Virginia thing left over from our fore fathers...they did it all the time. I am not too far away from you. If you look at my headline photo...I am at the spit in Willoughby. Your photos are amazing and no, I do not think you are crazy. I love your site.


"Mean Mom" said...

Hey Marlene-I know where you are! I was born in Norfolk (DePaul Hospital) and lived there until I was 13. Read your profile...I like Coke in the glass bottles, too, but it just ain't the same since they stopped using real sugar in the 80's and now sweeten it with corn syrup. It doesn't get that nice frothy head of foam anymore. Sigh.

Julie, who is supposed to be painting her office...

betsykk said...

Good. I hope you tore that sucker off the pump. Last time I went in to get a cup of coffee while it was running it overflowed and left a puddle of gas EVERYWHERE. Did anyone at Zooms care??? Automatic cutoff is apparently not a feature at Zooms. grr..............

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

tj - I wish I were as regimented as you. I already have a surplus of demented, though.

mm - Email me in a week or so presuming I have recovered from next week's "vacation."

foolery - You are absolutely right, I have not been sleeping well or enough lately.

living on the spit - Thanks for stopping by. I absolutely LOVE Willoughby Spit as much for the actual name as the location, which is very beautiful. I just love saying WILLOUGHBY SPIT. Over and over again. See? I really am crazy.

betsykk - This was the one and only time I didn't pull out of there on two wheels, so any damage was probably minimal. Hopefully minimal. OK - I have no idea if I did any damage or not because, well, I didn't want anyone to notice what I"d just done and couldn't concentrate over the roar of my children howling with laughter. Kids.

noble pig said...

I love when people talk in 3rd person, it makes chesapeake bay woman seem mystifying...keep it up!

tj said...

...'Mean Mom'? Witness Protection Program, is that where I get a new name and a new life in a new country? Photo please... ;o)

...CBW, oh did I say regimented? I'm pretty sure it's all demented. Mmm hmm, demented...(*sigh*) :o)

...Someone say, ice cream?

...Have a great weekend all! :o)

bellalately said...

A little tip-- I throw cotton and synthetics (other than acetate) in the dryer w/a slightly damp (non-lintly) rag for about 10-15 minutes. Steams out the wrinkles and voila! No iron required.

A sincere ironing hater