Sunday, July 20, 2008


Yesterday, as I was rummaging through a box of stuff from my college days, I discovered some letters sent to me by various former boyfriends. As I was reading them, I started to break out into a sweat for one of several possible reasons depending on whose letter I was reading. Either I couldn't believe what was actually written or I couldn't believe I ever went out with this person. Or both.

Let's read a sample from a boyfriend who really never should have been a boyfriend because he was really just a friend. (Confused? You're right on track then.) Let's call him Jay.

Jay lived in my dorm the first year of college and was in love with any female who had blond hair. That really was his only requirement. At that time, my hair happened to be blond. (Crayola couldn't come up with a name for the color it is right now.) I will also note that Jay loved girls with brown hair. Jay just loved girls. So, basically his only true requirement was that the individual be female. Which I happen to be, so I met all his requirements.

Somehow or another, I ended up going out with him. I do not recall when the relationship changed from dorm-mate/friend to anything more, but I am sure one of my college roommates can clarify this for me. And then I will have to make an appointment with a psychotherapist.

Here's some of what Jay had to say in his letter, written when he was in summer school, and four excruciating pages in length:

" I love you very much and thought about you a whole lot. I told another person that I am extremely happy with the way things are going for me. I said that I have been seeing Chesapeake Bay Teenager* for about 5 months and have never been happier. That is so true - I have been (and hope to always be) very happy. I don't want to start getting sappy, but I mean it anyway. Thanks for all of the truly fantastic times I've had with you, and, as I've said, I hope there are billions more."

"....I NEED TO DRINK** today because I have to study tomorrow and Wednesday - I can't wait until this is all over with. School is really starting to bug me. Of course when you are here in the fall, school will be much better, as it was for me after Spring Break. The turn around attitude of mine towards school could all be attributed to you. I really enjoyed school - or at least if I didn't enjoy it , it didn't bother me because you made me (and still make me) very happy. I really have an unreal amounts [sic] of fun when I'm with you. I know I keep saying this, but I hope that I can come see you on Monday - I miss you terribly."

"...Some woman just won a trip to Rio on television. I want to go there so badly, and even more than that, I want you to be with me. Maybe I will find a bunch of money today and we can go. I expect that will happen.*** If it doesn't happen, then I guess Nags Head will have to do for now - then we will go to Rio later."****

*CBT was suffering from temporary insanity for dating this person. Or just plain suffering. Or just plain insane.
**Pass me a sip of that drink, will you? I need one after reliving this chapter of my life.
***Here's what I expect will happen around the same time you find all that money: Pigs will sprout wings and fly. And I'm riding one off into the sunset.
****I'll pass, thanks. You go on ahead. I'm sure you'll have an unreal amounts of fun.

And now I really have to take a break from all this. I'm starting to have flashbacks of a trip he and I took to the Bahamas. It was a free trip that he won through his fraternity. When a fraternity foots the bill for a 3-day trip to the Bahamas, let's just say the quality of the hotel was this: I would rather have slept covered in maple syrup on top of an anthill.

Now I must shed an unreal amounts of tears and pretend this never happened.


Grandma J said...

OMG, I can't believe I'm first because I read it twice...and I'm gonna read it again.

If I could have five minutes with Jay I would ask him to please, please get "sappy" and tell me about all the "fantastic times" he eluded to.
And did he ever "find" a bunch of money? Because I'm free to go to Rio at the drop of a hat.

I love the maple syrup/anthill reference. Now I understand your love-hate relationship with the littlest of God's creatures!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

gj - If only I could find the box of letters from my high school boyfriends, you would think I am making the stuff up. I'm going next door to my mother's house today to see if I can find it.

Jay now lives near my Middle Sis. She runs into him now and then. I don't know if he ever found that money, but I can guarantee he didn't go to Rio.

I can't imagine what fantastic times he's talking about.

cats said...

Poor Jay,
How did he ever get over you? Some guys that write letters like that end up committing suicide or killing someone else who gets involved with you. I know I have dated these psycopaths. Don't ask me why I attract the psychos? They are really sweet and niceat first and then they turn into demonic monsters, if you want to leave them.
Good going you got away from that one.

Bear Naked said...

Because I moved so many times since I was a teenager I do not have any keepsakes what so ever.
After reading those excerpts from *Jay's* letters all I can think is "Thank god."

Bear((( )))

tj said...

...Do you prefer I send you $28.00 in cash or check? And do you like your chocolate chip cookies with nuts or no nuts? ;o)

...I love how he doesn't wanna start getting "sappy" but yet there's:

"I love you very much and thought about you a whole lot."
"Thanks for all of the truly fantastic times I've had with you, and, as I've said, I hope there are billions more."
" didn't bother me because you made me (and still make me) very happy."
"...I miss you terribly."
"...I want to go there so badly, and even more than that, I want you to be with me." there's enough 'sappy' there to give the Vermont Syrup Industry a run for their money! lol... :oD ...Ya gotta love young love tho'. ;o)

...That's great that you still have these letters CBW. I never got love letters from boyfriends mostly due to the fact that you had to have boyfriends to get ' Yeah, I could've been a poster child for celibacy...

..."I would rather have slept covered in maple syrup on top of an anthill." - With your ongoing run-in with ants lately, are you really sure about that?

...Great stuff CBW - thanks for sharing!

...Happy Sunday!

...Blessings... :o)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

bn - I know what you mean. I am actually having fun reading these though.

cats- Jay actually was not psychotic, and if he ever reads this he will know that I'm kidding about much of what I said. He's normal, but I'd say to his face we should have remained just friends. (Actually, I told that to his wife when I met her one time. She understood completely.)

tj - This wasn't worth the stamp you'd need to mail that check, so hold on to your money for now. I prefer my cookies without nuts. I prefer my life without them too, but it just hasn't worked out that way.....

Carin Fuchs said...

Pure coincidence that I've stumbled the other day over some of the love letters I've received in the past - and couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the day after reading them again.
Good to know that at least one woman on the other side of the world has got the 'same' letters. LOL LOL LOL LOL
It was great fun reading yours, thanks for sharing them.

TSannie said...

I opened a box of my old stuff and found all my diarys. Mind you, I was completely alone when I began reading. I had to stop after about three sentences be cause I was SO EMBARRASSED!! I simply can't read them. And I can't throw them away either...oh dear, what will my kids think of me when they find and read them after I'm gone (many many years from now I hope)? They'll probably burn them! :-)
Amazing how growing older changes perspective...

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

cf--The letters are definitely good for some laughs...and some tears, and some shudders and winces. You are not alone.

tsa-You can't throw them away. Your children will love reading them one day. Embarassment, both past and present, makes for good, hearty laughter. I know, I am an expert at embarassing myself.

Big Hair Envy said...

I sent this message earlier, but I don't see it now. Maybe I put the letters in wrong :( If you deleted it, I'm sorry for re-sending.

The Surveyor wanted me to ask you if you attended the State BETA Convention at the Hotel Roanoke in 1982. Evidently, he "spent a little time" with a blonde from Mathews that weekend. He said that Stinky Town and Mathews shared a bus for the trip.

What are the odds that you would be the blonde he's been trying to find since 1982? hahahaha!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

bhe - I DID in fact attend that convention in Roanoke. But the only male I recall talking to was from Gloucester. There were several other blondes Mathews girls on that trip, I'm sure it was one of them....

Big Hair Envy said...

The mystery continues..........

Was there someone named Glenda?

Big Hair Envy said...

Got your message. Is there a "scoop" on Ms. G. that you can share??? My curiosity is getting the best of me! HeeHee!!

sista #2 said...

What a sweet letter....I stopped to vomit midway through...but I did continue reading on after I ralphed. Ya know, he really loved you. Sad you never got to go to Rio.....Bet your real sad too. LOL

Whats he look like now? Is he rich? Wonder if he is still hooked on blondes.


Anonymous said...

I myself have regrets galore that I dated a "hometown" during college instead of branching out to enjoy the company of guys who actually attended school on my SAME CAMPUS. I had broken up with him by the time I relocated from central PA to DC right after school, but STILL.

Not sure I'm ready to blog about college "secrets" - even so many years hence. You're a much better woman than I!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

S#2 - Actually I would have loved to go to Rio, but I won't make it in this life time I'm afraid.

sinaff - I'll blame grandma j. for causing me to spill the secrets. But I just had to repay her for the hilarious story about her mother Rita.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I don't have time to read all of the comments right now, but I can say that Jay is an awesome person, and I see him every now and then. He found a bunch of money and lives on the golf course in the neighborhood next to ours. He has a bunch of kids, a very nice wife and his life is still good! I think it all worked out for him..... and he was never psycho! But, this young love theme does make me want to dig out some of my old love letters...just for the fun of it. -Middle Sis

foolery said...

Ah, love letters. Always someone else's. The only letters I ever got were from two guys I was madly in love with -- one thought of me as a little sister, although I'm not a little ANYTHING. The other was one of those bad, bad judgments you can look back on and say, "That, RIGHT THERE, was when the whole thing went to hell in a handbasket."

Oh, and a few love letters from "Tony," who is now Out, Loud and Proud, and a Wiccan.

Jay was obviously sweet, and I guess we should all be careful about the openness and sentimentality we wish men would show, huh? :)


Helena Handbasket

MommyTime said...

Yuo have inspired me. I keep meaning to pull out the box I have labeled "Alastair" (yes, that is his real name) to see what merriment/mortification ensues. Now I think I will have to do so...

Mental P Mama said...

How in the hell did I miss this one??? So funny. I wish I had my letters. I finally gave away a copy of a Living Bible that one particularly zealous young man inscribed to me. Gah.