Clumsiness

This man is relaxing in front of another beautiful sunset in Mathews County. He looks very calm and at peace. He isn’t worried about whether or not he’ll fall down when he returns to his house. I worry about falling down or hurting myself every single day.

This afternoon I decided to go down into the depths of my basement and move some stuff around so I could actually walk. My basement has over 40 years of stuff in it; I never know what I’m going to find. I am not kidding when I say there is a porpoise skull down there.

Today, though, I found something good. I found a folder of e-mails that I saved from when I worked at Price Waterhouse in Washington, DC. It was full of correspondence between me and my mother, when she had internet service (she no longer does).

In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to be slightly accident-prone and don’t always have the best of luck. I attract bad weather on vacations; I attract ants; I am the only person on the planet who could damage a nerve from too much sitting in front of a computer; I can’t put ant poison down without hitting my head on something sticking out the side of the house; I fall off ponies; I fall off of boats; I wake up in the morning only to find my boat half-sunk.

Does anyone see a trend here?

Anyway, in this folder of correspondence, I discovered the very reason I am so clumsy , accident-prone and full of bad luck: my mother.

To wit:

July 20, 1997

From: Chesapeake Bay Woman’s Mother
To: CBW

“ ….I am bushed and whacked. Not to mention sore from falling down the stairs at your Little Sister’s with my feet wet from shampooing the room where the cat stays. I got a bruise on my arm and one on my back. I was lucky again.”

Also this:

July 21, 1991

From: Chesapeake Bay Woman’s Mother
To: CBW

“Well we are home. Daddy made out very well again and is doing well. I, on the other hand, fell down on the sidewalk at the hospital and skinned up my knees and hands. I had just walked out to the gazebo for some fresh air before Daddy’s doctor arrived, and the sidewalk was uneven and down she went. They are pretty sore now, but I’ll live.”

And finally this:

June 24, 1997

From: Chesapeake Bay Woman’s Mother
To: CBW

“….Dad’s in his drawers and I’m in my bikini and we’re sweating like two wieners on a charcoal spit. Maybe it’s time for an after-dark dash au naturale. Everybody thinks we are devil worshippers anyway.”

Note: This last e-mail had nothing to do with clumsiness or bad luck but I absolutely could not resist sharing it.

Just to clarify, we are not now nor have we ever been devil worshippers. Various family members have been known to run around the yard naked though.

Don't tell anyone.