Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Working Vacation

This is a picture of a slightly imperfect (arguably) sunset over the bay. Slightly imperfect very adequately describes not only my family, but my life, including vacations, where imperfection is abundant to the point of infestation.

Continuing with this week's theme of family vacations, I'd like to talk about another time my family rented a beach house.

Here's how the daily routine typically went:

1. Chesapeake Bay Woman cooks breakfast for the entire family with a smile on her face.

2. CBW cleans up breakfast.

3. CBW dreams of some time alone at the beach.

4. CBW reaches for a beach chair and suntan lotion and then hears, "What's for lunch?"

5. CBW provides lunch. With a tentative look on her face.

6. CBW cleans up lunch remnants.

7. CBW dreams of a relaxing afternoon at the beach with a nice refreshing beverage.

8. CBW is told that it is almost supper time and that we need some Most Obscure Item or Ingredient that requires Trip # 265 to the grocery store(where 264.5 trips to the store were already made by CBW, and all those groceries were hauled up sixteen flights of steps in Amazon Jungle-level heat and humidity). It's official: CBW has an attitude.

9. CBW races home from the store where throngs of starving people are rioting in the driveway. CBW's attitude is wicked.

10. CBW cooks dinner, cleans up and then shoots self. (Not really, but at a minimum she's brandishing a battle-axe.) CBW's Family is safe and sound, however. And well fed. CBW spends rest of vacation with a permanent scowl on her face.

The End.

I can't wait for this so-called vacation.

Or can I?


Mental P Mama said...

I think I'd stage a strike. From a remote spa location.

Big Hair Envy said...

I know things are serious when you pull out the battle-axe!

Here's what I suggest: Pack yourself a box of granola bars and a box of Cheese-Its (sp?). Let everyone else fend for themselves, while you relax on the beach with a refreshing beverage and your snack stash. And a good book, of course:)

Grandma J said...

Sixteen flights of stairs? are you staying in a high-rise penthouse? I say get a case of them Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches for breakfast, and anything that can be cooked over an open fire on the beach for dinner. That would be hot dogs and marshmallows.
I'm stil jealous.

Bear Naked said...

I think CBW should stomp her (dainty?) feet and say "Enough is enough, it is my vacation also. Everyone needs to pitch in and help or else!"

Bear((( )))

Anonymous said...

We plan ahead for each family to cook one night, then forage for leftovers or takeout the other nights. Lunches, we all kind of take turns throwing sandwiches together that end up getting dragged down to the beach. And, sandy. But whatever. Fortunately, our group works well as far as the food goes - whoever cooks does not have to clean up, and it all gets done.

Come on over to our place if you need to escape. I have free unlimited wifi..... c'mon, little girl, you know you wanna.

Anonymous said...

FYI I'm laid up with a broken back and can't do anything that involves: breathing.

Don't expect me to participate in anything other than sleeping and screaming in pain when awake.

Dino will do all the work, he's a good cook and a great cleaner and loves to keep things organized.

looking forward to being served,
Little Sis

foolery said...

Wow, did Little Sister really break her back? My condolences!

If she is trying to get out of schlepping groceries with a bogus back story, however, I pity her when CBW finds out. Get well soon, either way!

A case of Progresso chicken soup. A litter of hotdogs. A tank of Kool-Aid. A truckload of red wine and gin. Crackers. Flip-flops. Book. Covert margarita. Beach. Go, girl!

Grandma J said...

I have an award for you. You can pick it up after your vacation if you like. Don't want to add any stress to your vacation. Rita wouldn't approve.

Karen Deborah said...

Fix one meal. breakfast is on one of them, lunch is on another one of them. If they complain don't cook anything at all, pass out peanut butter in the jar, jam in the jar, a loaf of some soft crappy bread like Wonder, and knives. Tell them they have 3 minutes to see who can build a peanut bettter sandwich. Winner can make cookies and passout chips. COME on give this woman a break. spoiled rotten people oughta be ashamed!