Friday, July 4, 2008


This is yet another beautiful sunset from the Eastern Shore. I like gazing off into sunsets and the bay for many reasons, but most of all for this: Ants cannot thrive--and in fact will drown a quick death--in the Chesapeake Bay.

My Son and Daughter wrote about some of our vacation activities, and below is a sampling of what they consider to be highlights. You may notice a theme, and it involves ants. Millions of ants. Gazillions of ants. And Mom/CBW screaming. And use of the word "infestation." That's a word I've been hollering on a daily basis since, oh, 1982.

Nobody believes me when I say we have an infestation in our house, even though I have to ask the ants permission to use the kitchen sink. And the counter top. And the pantry. And the bathroom, the bedroom, the laundry room, the basement and the entire county of Mathews.

Nobody believed me when I said we had an infestation in the camper.

They believe me now.

Son: Day One
When we arrived...we went on a bike ride. When we came back we settled down and put all of our stuff in the camper. But when Mom comes in to get some stuff out from a cabinet, she finds a nest of ants. Spitting* and screaming** she yells*** for us to get the Raid****. But of course we don't have any. So when they went out to get some my sister and I got to watch millions***** of ants run around in the camper.

Daughter: Day One
On the first day we arrived my brother and I had to evacuate. We did plenty of bike riding then went to the camper which was now put up. Brother and I went in to watch TV. Then Mom comes in and pulls up the mattresses and gets blankets from the hatch underneath. Mom discovered an ant infestation*****! Then Mom was screaming******, "Gimme the ant spray!!" over and over again*******. We had no ant spray.
* - I don't think I really spat. But I won't rule it out entirely.
** - Yep, I did this and then some.
*** - Ditto
**** - Raid should be worn in a holster about my waist, that's the way I see it.
*****AN INFESTATION THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE. I am still spitting them out of my mouth. I inhaled one or a thousand during the screaming episode. OK. I guess I did do some spitting.
******-You bet your sweet bippy Mom was screamin'.
*******- Oh yeah. I said it over and over again. At the highest of decibels.

Ants are fine outside where they belong, or dead in a trap somewhere, but when they are nesting in your residence and taking over every aspect of your life, it is an INFESTATION that cannot and will not be tolerated.

Not by me anyway.

Off to find some Terro and some machine guns. There's an ant on my desk, but not for long.


Mental P Mama said...

Reason #2,907,549 why I don't camp;) Welcome home!

Grandma J said...

I hate ants. Every once in a while I see one on my computer desk, but I'm guessing he's a scout because I never see another one for days. Of course I smash the scout with my thumb.

soupisnotafingerfood said...

Ew, that would have been the end of our little family camping trip, right there. YUK.

Anonymous said...

This is precisely why I always say "no" when you ask if I'd like to come along on a camping trip. Love you all, but I'm not interested in bunking with anything that has more than 2 legs, or has antennae, or hisses or spits, or flies, or multiplies overnight, or hops, or stares at you all night in the same position waiting with baited breath until you open your eyes just so it can pounce on you, or has wings, compartments, and cabooses (not sure I spelled that right ),or flies around and visits turds by day - lips by night. I need a hairdryer, tv, pillow, robe, and room service thank yooooouuuuu! Love, Little Anonymous.

Bear Naked said...

Could it be possible that the Queen ant read your *Sibling Rivalry* posts?

And because she also wears her lipstick that way she felt a need to get back at you.


Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Little Sister: I still say you'd like camping if you just tried it one more time. You can bring your own robe and hair dryer, we do have "current" (Mathews speak for electricity) at the site. Room Service is ME doing all the cooking and cleaning up for everyone else. Just like at home.

You have such a way with words BTW...."turds by day, lips by night?" Where does this stuff come from?

Howdy to everyone else. Happy Saturday.

Anonymous said...

turds by day, lips by night refers to the common fly. "common" in every sense of the word. In Mathews "common" means " nasty ", like " that's commoner than dirty dish water"...don't get me started on insects. You know they give me hives. I spend many fearful nights in the summertime hoping they won't invade my territory. And don't EVEN get me started on spiders in the fall....

cats said...

I am thouroughly convinced that Mathews is built on a huge anthill. I have ants and my mother has ants also. I have had the orkin lady give me ant poison for them 2 0r 3 different kinds. I've tried traps and spray. They just keep coming back. I don't understand it. When it rains we have more. I don't know what else to try.

Anonymous said...

Little sis: I believe you when you say that everything that has two or more legs makes you uncomfortable. Remeber at CBW's house in richmond that had the INFESTATION of crickets (or hipaty hops as some people call them) that made you run screaming home?
By the way I want to tell you all that CBW was spitting at the ants.
-CBW's son

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Hey, there Son!

I am glad you were there to witness the whole thing. I couldn't focus due to all the ANTS I WAS FIGHTING. I love your description and I love you even more.

See you Tuesday morning, baby. All of my love, hugs and kisses.


Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

oh, and cats - Dr. K. told me that Terro, available at Sutton and Kline, is The Death Poison for ants. I keep forgetting to get some when I go down to the courthouse.

Anonymous said...

CBW: I hope that the ants at home arn't giving you too much trouble. (or are giving you permission to let you leave the house.) See you Tuesday! HAAAA!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Hey, Son. The ants have been kind to me today. Yesterday was another story....there was a line a mile long coming right through the back door. It got ugly.

Love you - Mom/CBW

foolery said...

My ants would really like to see their Chesapeake Bay cousins. They really need a vacation. They'll be there Wednesday. Please put mints on their pillows or things could get UGLY.



Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

No more ants!!!

If you have any family or friends who are exterminators, however, I can make it worth their while....

Anonymous said...

oh how I remember that "infestation" at the house in Richmond. I also remember you and your sister opening the door in the attic as you positioned yourselves behind the door so you couldn't see....and as I stared at, oh 500 hippety hops, I assured you there were none beyond that door. It was very hard for me to say something calm while staring at the spawns of satan.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Translation of anonymous LITTLE SISTERS's comments above:

I = little sis
you/your- = CBW's son
sister = CBW's daughter
500 = 2
hippity hops = tiny microscopic spiders that couldn't scare little miss muffet. AND DO NOT BITE.

sis was the one on the tuffet.

Anonymous said...

whooah, let me correct you. Scientifically. Hippity Hops are large,robotic - like insects that do all of the following:
*stare at you, wherever you are
*mound themselves on a wall and turn their jacked up hind parts so that they are facing you all the time, wherever you go
*jump eye level
*pounce, hiss,gargle, burp
*spring from one site to another site MUCH closer to you until you HAVE to look them in their demonic beelzebubish circular alien eye bulbs which penetrate and burn rods, corneas, and cones
*thrive on nastiness, live in damp, dirty, hellish places.
thank you
Lil sis

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Little Sis:

I have no further remarks. Your descriptive and highly flamboyant language leaves me speechless.

A rare occasion indeed.

cats said...

Lil Sis,
I know what you are talking about. Your descriptive reference to these things I call "cave Crickets," live in my laundry room.
I hate them. I put these poison sticky tapes down there. When I change them, there are about 50 on each sticky pad. They jump and get way too close for comfort. They look like a cross between a cricket and a spider.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Cats. They are exactly that - a hybrid between a spider and a cricket, only uglier and way more demonic. I'm glad someone else shares my fear. They LOOOOVVVEE laundry rooms. And they LLOOOOVVVE to show up IN your laundry just as you're hunched over in a rare moment of tranquility from sorting through whites,and then they wiggle their antennae and JUMP AT YOUR FACE. They're known as spider crickets, camel back crickets,CAVE crickets, and hippety hops. NASTY things. Ew.