Thursday, July 10, 2008
This calm, serene photo of the bay is just what I need right about now. Today, which is yesterday when y'all read this, I had to endure a most cruel and unusual form of torture that surprisingly does not involve ants, storms or sisters.
Today, after an entire week of one mishap after the other, I was asked to report to Rinky Dink Hospital next county over to have a nerve conduction test performed. In case you don't know what that is, let me explain: DON'T EVER GET ONE OF THESE. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
A nerve conduction test involves three things: electrical shocks that would kill a small mammal and most birds; needles plunged into your legs, feet and back along every nerve you have--and some you didn't realize you had--as the doctor practices his butter churning moves; and an utter disbelief that this isn't the 1600's given how barbaric the procedure is. The doctor should have just stuck some leeches on me and sent me off with a rabbit's foot for good luck.
The end result was this: I have damaged a nerve in my leg that in all probability is caused from sitting with my legs crossed too long and too often. It couldn't possibly be from all the sitting I do here in front of my beloved computer. No, it can't be that. Of course, the other possibilities include MS, brain tumor, Lou Gehrig's disease and DEATH. The shaman says it is likely the leg crossing thing and it may take a year for the damage to be repaired.
Oh, and speaking of ants (I thought I heard someone speak of ants, maybe it was the voices inside my head), here's what happened after that picnic. I came home and decided to wage war on the ants by spreading POISON around the perimeter of the house. With my head down and all my attention on making sure that each ant received its own personalized pellet of death, I did not see the dryer vent sticking out the side of the house and clunked my head right on it.
Now I have a knot on my forehead.
My last nerve has been plucked.
p.s. Happy Birthday to frequent and incredibly funny commenter, Ms. Foolery. Here is hoping you have a fantastic, fun-filled, stress-free day. (Can I have one of those too?)