Thursday, July 3, 2008

I Need a Vacation - PLEASE

Warning: The serenity depicted in this vacation photo from the Eastern Shore is actually much farther away than it appears. To be specific it is nonexistent.

Great day in the mornin' it's good to be back! I feel like I've been gone an eternity, and that's exactly how long it's been since I've bathed properly.

I am much too tired and frazzled and confused and smelly to focus on details today, but let me give you a sampling of how this so-called vacation went. The stories I will regale you with (just enough to induce sleep) will include:

- Scorching heat;
- An insidious infestation and I mean INFESTATION!
- The much-discussed, yet still shocking hurricane-force storm that traumatized my children for life;
- Fiddler crabs in places they have no business being, such as personal undergarments;
- An intimate relationship with a tree (it was only emotional, not physical);
- An utter and complete abandonment of all personal hygiene practices to include bathing, brushing teeth and changing clothes. I slept in my bathing suit two days in a row once. A dip in the pool was counted as a bath. I just didn't care any more.

And folks? This was just the first two days.

Next, and more importantly, I can't tell you how much I missed my little internet world, and how much I appreciate all of you who tended to my house while I was away. I have fifty pounds of dirty laundry if you'd like to stick around and help me some more. If I find another fiddler crab, I'm going to need someone to dial 911. Wine-one-one no longer works in this area code.

You know there's a problem when you're sitting around a campfire saying stuff like, "Well, Foolery lives in California, and Soup is in the DC area, and Grandma J. is...." and then you realize that nobody else there has a clue what world you are living in.

I actually don't see that as my problem, but more of their problem.

It's great to be back. More stories and some pretty incredible pictures to follow in the next few days.

In the meantime, I will be contemplating my next vacation that does not include camping. Or my family.


Grandma J said...

Welcome back! A hot bath and a good night sleep..and maybe a bowl of ice cream. But then, i really really need to see a picture of a fiddler crab...for real.

Missed you.

Grandma J said...

Oh, and I appreciate you thinking of me, I live in TX since retiring last year. Previously I lived in So. California most of my life. And no, I didn't get my head examined before I moved..but should have.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

GJ - If you remind me, I will get some shots of fiddler crabs. They grow wild and rampant in my back yard. I just was not expecting to find one when I picked up a pair of dirty underwear...on vacation. There's just something inherently wrong about crabs in underwear.

It's good to be back.

Anonymous said...

Lil Sis is all swelled up that you didn't leave her in charge while you were gone. ( ha ha )

Anonymous said...

Welcome back "neighbor"! We missed you.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Little Sis - Don't get too swelled up. I have another "vacation" coming in August, and you'll be in charge. I am nothing if not an equal opportunity blog host and sister. (Oops, I just realized you will be on that "vacation." Let me work on a Plan B.)

Speaking of being swelled up, your twin, aka my Daughter, was swelled up most of the trip because I beat her in mini-golf, the game of Sorry, and basically everything. Son also got swelled up over the Sorry game that I WON fair and square.

I had flashbacks of the talent competitions and realized I may be a little too competetive....

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Soup - Thank you...have so much blog reading to do and will hit yours next. Right after I swat this ant off my computer. We have another INFESTATION.

Mental P Mama said...

Welcome home! Did you tell them about Mental Mama? Huh? Huh? Seriously, I do the same thing, and my flesh peeps are starting to look at me funny.

Anonymous said...

Just passin thru, but had to pause a bit while I recover from's a sympathetic kind of laugh :)

Hope this little adventure didn't traumatize you too bad - there's always next year.

Rick's Cafe

Bear Naked said...

You're back, you're back!!
Missed you.
When can I expect my postcard to arrive?

Hope you are having a wonderful
4th of July.


foolery said...

Hey Miss Cheeky! Sorry I let your plant die. And your hedge . . . but did you see how I watered your flower beds? I call them "flower ponds." And the goldfish really liked them, too! At least, they did until that heat wave moved through. Who knew the ponds would dry up so quickly? Well, on the upside, I hear that fish parts are good for your topsoil. I'm making leetle tiny gravestones.

So glad you're back!

-- Foolery

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

rc- thanks...i do accept sympathy laughs. please come back.

bn - the postcard's in the mail. it will be covered in dead ants (see today's post for details).

foolery - you are just too funny.

Thanks, y'all.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

mental mammma - did not mean to leave you out. i did mention someone from the northern states, but after a while eyes were glazed over.

i held the rest of the conversation in my head while watching folks on motorized coolers go by.

it was apropros.