Thursday, July 3, 2008
I Need a Vacation - PLEASE
Warning: The serenity depicted in this vacation photo from the Eastern Shore is actually much farther away than it appears. To be specific it is nonexistent.
Great day in the mornin' it's good to be back! I feel like I've been gone an eternity, and that's exactly how long it's been since I've bathed properly.
I am much too tired and frazzled and confused and smelly to focus on details today, but let me give you a sampling of how this so-called vacation went. The stories I will regale you with (just enough to induce sleep) will include:
- Scorching heat;
- An insidious infestation and I mean INFESTATION!
- The much-discussed, yet still shocking hurricane-force storm that traumatized my children for life;
- Fiddler crabs in places they have no business being, such as personal undergarments;
- BLAZING HEAT;
- An intimate relationship with a tree (it was only emotional, not physical);
- An utter and complete abandonment of all personal hygiene practices to include bathing, brushing teeth and changing clothes. I slept in my bathing suit two days in a row once. A dip in the pool was counted as a bath. I just didn't care any more.
And folks? This was just the first two days.
Next, and more importantly, I can't tell you how much I missed my little internet world, and how much I appreciate all of you who tended to my house while I was away. I have fifty pounds of dirty laundry if you'd like to stick around and help me some more. If I find another fiddler crab, I'm going to need someone to dial 911. Wine-one-one no longer works in this area code.
You know there's a problem when you're sitting around a campfire saying stuff like, "Well, Foolery lives in California, and Soup is in the DC area, and Grandma J. is...." and then you realize that nobody else there has a clue what world you are living in.
I actually don't see that as my problem, but more of their problem.
It's great to be back. More stories and some pretty incredible pictures to follow in the next few days.
In the meantime, I will be contemplating my next vacation that does not include camping. Or my family.