Monday, July 28, 2008

Family Vacation

Next week CBW, CBW's Son, CBW's Daughter, Mother, Father and Sisters will be traveling to the beach for a family "vacation." Aside from last year's trip to Georgia, The Chesapeake Bay Family has not vacationed together in over 7 years. I am starting to get nervous about this vacation. Extremely nervous.

One of the very first times the Chesapeake Bay Family rented a beach house was one very interesting experience. My son was just a toddler, so I was hardly on any vacation. I had to drive Chesapeake Bay Toddler by myself all the way from Northern Virginia, which took exactly this long: WHAT A NIGHTMARE. Son did not want any part of a car seat for hours on end, plus he had to eat every two minutes, or he needed a sippy cup or he needed another diaper or whatever. I drove most of the way with one hand on the wheel and the other wiping tears from my eyes as I reached backwards to tend to Son, when what I really wanted was my own private sippy cup. Filled with California's finest.

I spent the entire week practicing to be a pack mule down the Grand Canyon. All I did each and every day was haul a thrashing child and all the assorted paraphernalia back and forth from the beach to the house and back again and rinse and repeat over and over ad nauseum. It was definitely no vacation.

Anyway, Little Sister brought a friend with her, a friend from high school, a friend I didn't really know that well. I don't have many rules in life, but one of my Vacation Rules is I don't vacation with people I don't know well. But I didn't have a choice this time, and I didn't have an opportunity to read the Vacation Rules to Little Sister because I was too busy playing pack mule and actually didn't consider this a vacation. It was just a change of scenery.

In spite of my Vacation Rule about strangers, Little Sister's Friend quickly started to blend right in, and she was beginning to understand all the quirks and eccentricities inherent to Chesapeake Bay Family. One incident, however, she could never have prepared for.

Every night we fixed a great big supper and sat around the table which had magnificent views of both a bird sanctuary and the ocean. It was a great place to relax, drink from your sippy cup and eat seafood. We were all sitting down waiting for my mother, who had been tinkering around in her bedroom. Imagine our surprise when she showed up at the supper table wearing a pair of shorts and her bra. No shirt. A bra with a floral print on it. No shirt. She sat right down at the dinner table. Wearing a bra.

Now ordinarily I might have shrugged this whole incident off, but we were on vacation with a near-stranger. And Mother was sitting down to the supper table in a bra.

Unable to control my shock and disbelief I said, "Is that a BRA you're wearing?" CBW's Mother said, "Yep. Pass the shrimp."

Evidently her book of Vacation Rules is different from mine.

Did I mention I'm starting to get nervous about next week? I am.


Mental P Mama said...

Oh. My. God. Please tell us you'll have Internet at this next vacation spot. I don't want to miss a minute.

Big Hair Envy said...

Bawhahahaha! When we meet for lunch, would you mind asking your mother to come along?

I'll bring you a sippy cup full of California's Finest to help you get through it:)

Keeper Of All Things said...

I'm in total agreement with your mom.......why should she change her ways?
P.S.----Your mom cracks me up!!! Don't forget the camera!!!!

Grandma J said...

I'm so friggin jealous! I hope you document this vacation for us. I mean, I would hate to find out that your mom decided to go skinny dipping late at night in the moonlight...or even in her skivies and floral print bra.

Now I want a floral print bra...mine are all white with one black one sitting in the drawer waiting for a special occasion.

soupisnotafingerfood said...

Please tell me you will be in Corolla, NC next week. Because so will we. Pleasepleaseplease???

Bear Naked said...

I'm in agreement with Mental P Mama
we want-- no need-- daily updates from you while you're vacationing.
Your mother is my kind of people by the way.

Bear((()) )

tj said...

...Oh I am with MPM up there, please tell us you have internet service where you are going... please? ;o)

...This is priceless stuff you put up here CBW and your mom is a gas! My dad's side of the family is like your mom, my aunt on that side when she would get hot in the summertime she'd take her blouse off. It was nothing to be at a family gathering and there was my aunt sportin' her biggest whitest Playtex Living Bra or 18 Hour (you know the ones that can stand up on their own), for all the world to see... She was a big girl too and she sweated profusely, so you get the picture. It wasn't

...Your posts about your family are comforting for me because here I thought I was the only ;o)

...Blessings CBW...

*Thanks for the kind words over at my place - you sure know how to brighten one's day! :o)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Hey, everyone.

mpm - NO! No internet access! It's a crime. But I may be able to hit a public library at least once. Or twice. Or maybe I'll just drop the kids off with the family at the beach house and ask them to pick me up at the library after the vacation is over.

BHE - I just had lunch with my mother and told her she had a fan club. She said and I quote, "I can never meet them, because I will only disappoint and never live up to their expectations." Did I mention she's an eternal optimist? Anyway, YES, I will be happy to bring her to lunch. And leave her with you. (Oh, I'm just kidding, I love her to death.)

KOAT-Oh, I will definitely be bringing the camera on this vacation. And some kleenex. And wine. Lots of that.

gj - Don't even joke about the skinny dipping. This Freak Show of a family does not need any encouragement. And yes, it was a floral bra, she confirmed it at lunch today. I say wear that black one of yours right now and make every day a special occasion!

sinaff- I've e-mailed you. Pleasepleaseplease tell me you have a laptop with internet access. I'll give you a case of gin if you give me a minute or eighty of internet access next week.

bn - I think you would really like my mother even with her quirks. I doubt I'll be able to provide updates next week, but we'll see what Soup comes up with in the way of internet access. Rest assured I'll have lots to say when I get back home.

tj - I know AAAALLL about those playtex things. And the sweat. Those may have been ingredients in this story that I had conveniently blocked out until now....and you deserve every kind word you receive, btw.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I was the one who asked if she was wearing a bra or a bathing suit. I remember because she snarled at me and said something like " leave it to you to bring this to everyone's attention".
Love, Little Sis

soupisnotafingerfood said...

CBW, we have all the wireless access you could possibly consume plus a fridge full of beer and wine. Come on over; feed your jones. Shhh, it'll be our little secret!

Looking forward to meeting you. The others will be so jealous!

foolery said...

Are you kidding me? SOUP gets to meet CBW, and CBW gets to meet SOUP?!

I'm gonna cry.

Way to go, CBMother -- bras cover more than bathing suits, in most cases. At least the stand-up kind do. And I know what CBMother means about the expectations thing, but you can tell her from me that that's overstated; I just had a bloggy meet-up and they were lovely and no one's eyes glazed over ONCE! that I saw

And we need to time our vacations better, CBW, so I don't have so much Mathews down-time. :)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Yes, it is official. Soup and I will enjoy a sippy cup or two next week and hopefully I can steal some time on the internet, where time is equal to six whole days. (Just kidding, but six hours would be great.)

Foolery - Next year we definitely have to coordinate better. I had not planned on becoming an internet addict when I made these arrangements. Now I know what I'm asking for this year for Christmas: a laptop with ability to hook up to internet anywhere, whatever the heck that is called. I'm waiting for Grandma J. to figure hers out and then will get her to teach me everything she knows.

Baby Sis - I am quite sure I had a few choice remarks at the time of discovery as well, but I do remember her making that retort. BTW she offered absolutely no explanation or excuse when we discussed it today. Nothing.

This is going to be one heckuva gathering next week.

tj said...

...Aww now, if this ain't the cat's meow! How come SHE gets to meet you, what are we - chopped liver?! lol... :o)

...Well will you two take photos of this lil' meeting of the sippy cups to soothe our seething, jealous souls? Hmm? ;o)

...Lookahere, there's a tear in my beer...(*sigh*)

...Blessings all...(what a great bunch of gals! :o)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

tj, you have an open invitation to come to Mathews. (As do any of my regular readers, so long as you have a high tolerance for quirks and eccentricities.) But you will receive the Royal Treatment since you were the one who convinced me to start doing a blog in the first place.

I am woefully overdue on my speech on that topic, but I promise you I have it churning in my head. In case I don't get around to it before I croak, which might well be next week on the so-called "vacation," the world needs to know that miss tj from humble origins ( is the one responsible for me venturing into the blogosphere.

And she is one very incredible lady.

tj said...

...Omg, I'm gonna go into a full blown ugly cry here're amazing! I am so happy that you started this place, I love coming here as do so many others... I truly do hope one day to actually meet you and also to shake your moms' hand for raising one heckuva gal! :o)

...Now if you'll excuse me, I need to wipe my tears (*sniff*) and top off my sippy cup one last time before I turn in... ;o)

...Thanks Miss CBW, you made my day!

...Blessings... :o)

Grandma J said...

I was getting all set to dust off my black bra and head on out to Corolla...where I have friends. Oh well, maybe between CBW and Soup, we can get some good dialogue and pictures.
Things I can't wait to see....the surgical removal of the new Lancome lipgloss from the wine glasses and coffee cups. Late night streaking and skinny dipping by parental units. Fun games of strip poker with certain individuals already half nude. A couple of bloggers drinking "the sauce" from sippy cups.