Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Demise of Gwynn's Island: Part II

Above is a view from my back yard after a recent storm. Below is the continuation of Mathews Mountain Man's view of how Gwynn's Island is doomed. Surprisingly, none of his theories make mention of ants, which are destined to play a starring role in the final chapter of my house on Queens Creek.

Now, without further babbling about ants ado....

Gwynn’s Island: The Final Chapter
Scenario II
by Mathews Mountain Man

"Some insist that climate change is due only to natural causes, while others believe that the excessive burning of fossil fuels and the continuing release of atmospheric contaminates are beckoning an Old Testament inspired inferno. Some even argue that man-made global warming added significant heat energy to Hurricane Katrina and her siblings, thus increasing the damage to the off-shore oil platforms and refineries responsible for the fossil-fuel derived heat energy in the first place (don’t mess with Mother Nature). A few fundamentalist folks might even agree that internal combustion is Hell fire. Many, however, think that climate change is attributable to both natural and human influence and they respectfully urge that we act more responsibly.

Despite what anyone thinks about the cause, a year-to-year net temperature increase in the earth’s atmosphere (i.e., global warming) is undoubtedly causing ocean water levels to rise. Two major sources include the addition of water to the oceans from glacial ice melt and the expansion of water volume due to increasing ocean temperatures.

Okay, but what does all this mumbo-jumbo mean for Gwynn’s Island? It likely means that Gwynn’s Island is doomed – one way or another.

Consider the following:

- According to Al “I won the Nobel Prize for inventing global warming” Gore’s data, sea-level will rise about 18 inches every 100 years, or 0.18 inches per year.

- And, according to a USGS topographical map dated 2006, the highest point on Gwynn’s Island is 10 feet or 120 inches above sea level (in a tree maybe).

- So, 120 inches divided by 0.18 inches per year equals…

- Holy Gustav and guano… 120 inches/0.18 inches per year = 666 years (without rounding)

That’s an Old Testament number manifest as unrelenting wrath in the form of locust, frogs and, yes, floods. And, with a little Michener-like wave action, Gwynn’s Island is likely to completely disappear on or before 2525 – a Zager and Evans like prediction. If you doubt that these musical one-trick-ponies were on to something, consider this: the Zager and Evan’s song “Exordium and Terminus,” commonly known as “In the year 2525”, was number 1 on the Billboard charts commencing 6 days after the 6th day of the 6th month in 1969. Go ahead, invert those 9’s. And, their song was number 1 for 6 weeks.

Suddenly, New Point Comfort (i.e., light house) is looking like the Statue of Liberty as seen by the humans, Taylor and Nova, in Planet of the Apes - think about that the next time you’re riding a horse along the beach.

Seriously, though, (I get wacky when I start crunching numbers) global warming is a threat, particularly to those who own homes along the Milford Haven side of the Island. The land on that side of the Island is barely above sea-level. As the Bay water’s rise those homeowners will be among the first to step out of their house and into the muck."

And now back to Chesapeake Bay Woman, who has nothing important this to say:

Indeed, much of Mathews County is hardly above sea level, and one could argue successfully that parts are below sea level. One good Nor'Easter and I practically have to take a canoe from my house to the car--and we live on what might be considered high ground. (That's because my house is perched right on top of an ant hill the size of Kilimanjaro.)

Stay tuned for the conclusion of Gwynn's Island's Demise, coming tomorrow to a computer screen near you.


Mental P Mama said...

We have ants now. I am blaming you.

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Sure can't argue with that logic. Note to self, pack Wellies...

Annie said...

Ants inside..rain is coming..sorry to be a doomsday prophetess!

My home town in Queensland is under attack by water from two fronts...one a low coming in from the ocean, and the second..a burst in one of the main water pipelines from a dam feeding into the western suburbs...near my place (sort of)!! Hope my place will still be there when get back...and not washed out to sea! They haven't mentioned the ants!

and the word verification is "recant"

Caution Flag said...

Can't you import some Canadian trash and cover it with dirt? That would certainly raise the island. It's what we do here in Michigan and we are now well-above sea-level. Gwynn's Island really is so blessed that I've solved that little problem.

Anonymous said...

Global Warming a threat?
How can something be a threat if it doesn't exist?

...the only thing we have to fear is fear it's self...

(Single Male Blog Stalker)

ps. In the process of writing a book "How to train your free-range ants for efficient house cleaning". With any luck, will be on the Oprah circuit.

Grandma J said...

Rising sea levels is this very reason I left the Southern California beaches for Central Texas...because there really isn't any water here. But we have ants, oh boy, do we.

In five hundred years, the ants will be the size of Buicks, but no one will know it because they'll be saying, "what's a Buick anyway?"

Besides, according to the words of wisdom by Zager and Evans, nothing really bad happens until the year 9595.

Will Gwynn's Island still be there for blogfest?

Daryl said...

I bought a spray for the frickin' moths I fight daily .. and its good on ANTS .. I am going to send you the name (its at home or I would tell it to you now).

Big Hair Envy said...

This actually makes me feel sad. I LOVE Gwynn's Island.

foolery said...

I blame Zager and Evans. I would blame Al Gore, but that's like shooting fish in a barrel. A really big fish.

mmm said...

Meg, I hate to show my ignorance (again and again), but what are Wellies? I could look it up on the internet, but I'm trusting that humankind will forgive me for not knowing.

Caution Flag - perhaps if we balance it all out just right we can raise the land and the water at the same rate. I might add that we have a few of those "landfills" around here. In Virginia Beach there's a park called Mt. Trashmore. I wonder if they really thought about the connotations of "Trashmore"?

Grandma J and Foolery - to even mention Zagar and Evans implies that we have something in common. I was old enough to experience the 60's, but not old enough to participate. And, Grandma J - I'm glad I won't be around for 9595; perhaps there's a better version of ourselves yet to come.

BHE - I love Gwynn's Island too; I realize just how much, every time I visit.

Don't forget the Wellies, Meg.

mmm said...

Oh Lord. I just looked up Wellies!


Just what I deserve.

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

They're rubber waterproof, knee-high boots! Figure I'll need 'em if the water's risin' on the Bay.

Anonymous said...

Wellies, Buicks, Zagar and Evans. Oh my!

Hey, what a cheap thrill it is being able to comment as Anonymous on my own blog. (And I'm being serious because I don't get out much.)

Thanks, MMM, for writing this week. Tomorrow finds us at the conclusion of Gwynn's Island long-term forecast. Then I'm going to handle Three Ring Thursday and oh boy does Chesapeake Bay Mother have Friday covered.

It's all about my father's Mother's Day present to her. Surprisingly a wood-burning furnace is not involved.....not surprisingly a Mother's Day present isn't either.

love cbw/aka anonymous and loving it.

Grandma J said...

it's sex, isn't it? I'm talking about your father's Mother's Day gift to CB Mother.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps it's time we all keep the people of Gwynn's Island in our prayers!!