Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Gustav



Here is Satan Gustav, my mother's goose who was named by an anonymous reader in our Name That Goose Contest a while back.

Welcome to a rare sight on this blog: a post that contains no rambling sentences, simple vocabulary or scattered thoughts. We owe this miracle to Chesapeake Bay Mother who has written an update on the beast goose.

It's just my way of giving us all a break from the inane commentary that usually spews forth from this site.
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Gustav, the Goose
by Chesapeake Bay Mother


Gustav is actually responding to his new designation quite naturally. It is very similar sounding to his old name, "Gootie," which did not favor with everyone around here.*

My father-in-law spelled his name "Gustave," and the "e" spares us the accusation of being disrespectful. Gustave would probably have been flattered having an imperious and ill-tempered namesake, since his life ambition was to inspire fear through artful intimidation...and we loved him for that.**

Gustav is currently building bridges to friendship with a few wild geese who visit him. He can be seen socializing and taking swims with them. He also becomes fiercely protective of them and practices his version of "shock and awe" on Husband, who is otherwise widely liked. It is getting routine now, the responsibility falling to me to separate man from goose.

I look forward to a visit from Husband's brother, who is also not a big goose fan. It could work out to be a stampede of big, fearful men that I must manage. My dogs barked to welcome Brother-in-Law on his last visit as we all came indoors, and he abruptly backed up without warning causing a three-stooge pile-up and worked over my size 9's with his at least size 13's.

Lesson: Never, ever startle a brain surgeon. They have remarkable reflexes.

All that won't help him with Gustav, who is only spurred on by hasty, guilt-displaying retreats.

His reasoning: If you aren't up to no good, why are you fleeing?

-Chesapeake Bay Mother
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CBW's Footnotes and Completely Unnecessary Commentary:

*If you saw your mother chasing a goose around the yard hollering, "Here Gootie! Here Gootie!" loud enough for folks in three counties to hear it, you might not exactly find favor with the name either.

She has a rather long track record of bizarre pet names which always made me blush and/or cringe whenever she had to provide a name to the vet, for example. Imagine the attendant coming out to the waiting room and calling, "Big Kitty? Is Big Kitty ready to see Dr. Richards?" Or what about Mummanator, an unspayed female who produced four thousand a number of litters before she was spayed. Little Latin Leo from Rio (a son of the Mummanator) is anything but little, approaching the size of a small pony--evidently a Latin pony with a show name. The list of unusual monikers goes on and on.

**My grandfather Gustave was a West Point grad and a brigadier general who helped construct a pipeline from Somewhere to Somewhere in one of the world wars, details I cannot remember although I do remember how long his white eyebrows were and how I wondered why he never trimmed them even though they stretched out like awnings over his eyes, but perhaps they served a purpose or perhaps he was being rebellious after all those years of close-cropped hair in the Army and I THOUGHT we were taking a break from my babbling?

23 comments:

Annie said...

well, it is good to have a laugh when you are still awake at midnight, anyway! babble on, we enjoy it!

Grandma J said...

Those names! The Mummanator!! LOL

I can't wait to meet Gustav, and of course CB Mother.

Angela said...

In Entenhausen (Duck Village) where Donald Duck lives with his family of Enten (ducks), there also lives a cousin(?) by the name of Gustav Gans. That`s Goose. So Gustav is really the only appropriate name and typically German. The German vet I once knew whose name was Gustav GÃĪtgens was called Guschi by everyone. (the u pronounced like a u). I think I can beat you at babbling!

Pueblo girl said...

I was talking about pet names just this morning. I used to have a cat I'd named "Puck" because he was a litte imp, but yelled across the garden his name sounded disturbingly like something else. Believe it or not, at the same time, my Canadian neighbour had a dog named "Nookie", obviously named before she realised that in the UK, that's a euphimism for sex. When both of us were in full flow calling for our animals, we had the whole neighbourhood intrigued...

mmm said...

"...although I do remember how long his white eyebrows were and how I wondered why he never trimmed them even though they stretched out like awnings over his eyes, but perhaps they served a purpose or perhaps he was being rebellious after all those years of close-cropped hair in the Army..."

Poetic, not babbling...

Mental P Mama said...

I should think your grandfather could spell his name any ol' way he wanted to...

Keeper Of All Things said...

I happen to love your babbling,and I love unusual names!!

big hair envy said...

I'm thinking that Gustave would NOT have been intimidated by Gustav.

We always had REALLY creative names for our pets as well. For example: Puppy, Baby, Kitty, Punkin, Sissy, and George. Clever bunch, weren't we?!

Daryl said...

Babble on .. I love it .. I almost spewed my coffee over 'Big Kitty ready to see Dr R...'

Around here at the vet they call out: 'Gus Edelstein'

I dont recall legally adopting him ... and Husband says others in the waiting room thought HE was being summoned ..he and Gus look nothing alike. Gus has more hair.

Anonymous said...

I'm the lucky person that got to name Gustav, and believe it or not there was a Gustav at the Marina today for the 1st time in years! He was looking at a zodiac fondly, and honking at me to keep my distance. Then when we were launching a boat he went over and started attacking the engine! I hope he sticks around - I need the entertainment, it's been really quiet around here with all the rain.

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Our neighbor had a really old barn cat who, as far as we could tell, developed a tumor. His name was Kitty. We started calling him "Dead Kitty," thinking that he would soon die from cancer. We joked that he was already dead but just didn't know it yet.

Neighbor took him to the vet to confirm our diagnosis and guess what the vet said? This cat doesn't have a tumor, but he does have a giant mat of fur. And so it was that we christened Dead Kitty, the cat who would die from not being groomed.

Three years later, Dead Kitty was found DEAD in the driveway. "He finally lived up to his name," was all she said.

Lynne M. said...

OK, are you ready for this? Well, maybe not as bad as Big Kitty or Dead Kitty... I do have the normal dog Angel, and a couple "normal" cats Gypsy and Peppy. We also have a bearded dragon who goes by Louie, a rabbit with the typical rabbit-name SNOOPY, a squirrel who answers to Root, and last but not least the cat with a typical cat-name Rufus!! Yes, we have a zoo. Sadly we have no geese. Although if we did, I'm pretty sure the 12-pound rabbit or either of the 15-pound cats would give him a run for his money!!

Caution Flag said...

Our cat was named Schizo. Don't know what bothered me more: having to explain the name or the way the vet called into the crowded waited room, "Schizo!" and we answered.

foolery said...

Oh, GAHHHHH this has been a banner day in CBW Blogland! Thank you for the laughs, CBW and CBMother -- and the commenters, too. This was great.

I may write a post about crazy pet names, now, since our family is not known for our naming abilities. Or maybe we are?

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Annie-It must be all that coffee y'all have been drinking late in the day? Glad to provide a laugh.

GJ-Gustav is not to be missed but hopefully will be confined to his jailhouse during your visit. He still hisses and spits through the fence though so don't get too close. You'll love CBMother.

Angela - Another gans named Gustav? Hooray. BTW - My grandfather Gustave had very strong German roots. Maybe he's kin to Guschi.

Pueblo girl- Oh, now that is some funny stuff. I can hear it now, Puck! Oh Puck! Where's my Nookie?

MMM-Thank you, really, but it's still babbling no matter how you slice it. (You need to be in sales, you can definitely put a spin on things. Used car sales, perhaps?)

MPM-Actually, we--the grandchildren-- called my grandfather Gus-I don't think anybody really called him Gustave, even though that was his actual name. We didn't even use Grandpa, Granddaddy, just Gus. Strange now that I think of it....very strange indeed.

Keeper-Thank you, you're too kind. Stay tuned, there will be plenty of babbling tomorrow.

BHE-One or two of those names have been heard around these parts too. Sissy Baby was my nickname for one or both of my sisters at one time or another...

Daryl - I think I just spit something on MY screen. Funny stuff, I tell you. There is something inherently hilarious about the vet attaching the owner's surname to what is already usually a silly pet name. It cracks me up.

Anonymous - Thank you again for the name, it's been much discussed around here, and my mother is pleased as punch. Let me assure you that if your Gustav sticks around he will provide plenty of entertainment, although you may need to put up a Beware of Killer Goose sign for innocent customers. Also, be advised that they disappear and then appear with NO NOTICE whatsoever. As in, you walk out to your car to retrieve something? No goose. You open the car door, bend over to pick up a french fry off the floor? GOOSE ATTACKING YOU FROM NOWHERE.

Meg - Ha! Hilarious. That name just might win the prize for the most unusual. Did the vet call out for Dead Kitty at the visit, I wonder?

Lynne M. - Is a bearded dragon that same beast that Yosemite Sam rode all dressed up in armour? The fire breathing dragon that stopped so abruptly? Yosemite S. keeps falling off and bumping down the dragon's neck, and the line that always cracks me up is, "Dragons is so stupid." Sorry, I just got sidetracked. But what *IS* a bearded dragon? Hey, I really like that name Gypsy. A lot. I'm not so sure which is more unusual...the names or the animals themselves. (Bearded dragon?)

Caution Flag-Ha!!!! I can picture it now: "Will the real Schizo, please stand up." Glances are exchanged and the whole family stands up. Too funny.

Foolery-Please do, I would love hearing your names and the decision-making process. Your girls could come up with some doozies I know. (Or is that deuces? -referring back to one of Foolery's posts from this week or last.)

Thanks to you all for making me laugh after an excruciatingly long day.

And now, back to the rain and gray skies, already in progress.

Anonymous said...

Some of my favorite memories involve CBM yelling at/for the pets ...there was the time when we were at YOUR house and she looked across the yard and yelled " Who let the dogs out??" and we said " who who who who whoooooo let the dogs out!!" And I always love it when she yells "DAAAAANNNNGER" because she says it exactly like the rapper who starts his song out yelling danger, haven't a clue who it is, but it was popular!
Also worth mentioning is the time when our nascar loving neighbor came over and our dog "Honey" ran outside....so I yelled " get back in here, Honey" and our neighbor said, " naw, I'm not staying that long"...seriously.
Love,
Baby Sis

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Baby Sis: Tears are rolling down my cheeks right now, I am laughing so hard I cannot talk. This may well be the funniest comment you've left yet, and it is 100% TRUE!!

This is why we need that reality TV show. You cannot convey it in words, you MUST see it live.

Anonymous said...

Hey,

I'm traveling for work right now, but this is so funny!

Love you!
-Middle Sis

Chris said...

"Little Latin Leo from Rio" This is hilarious!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Middle Sis - Wish there was some way you could make it here during your trip. There's no doubt you have a story or two about the goings on around here with the nature preserve..and then some. Stay safe. Love, big sis.

Chris - Little Latin Leo from Rio is the tip of the iceberg. Honestly I had to edit out several other names I wanted to list, but when I realized how lengthy the post was becoming I scratched some (and their explanations) out. LLL from Rio made the cut, though.

Karen Deborah said...

I for one am quite fond of your babbling, I call it witty repartee.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Thank you, KD. Hope all is well with you.

Anonymous said...

Ah...Gustav you mean the goose who chased me?


Love, CBW's daughter