Monday, June 8, 2009

Baby Bird

If you look closely, you'll see a baby blue jay I photographed the other morning when it was so misty you couldn't even see the creek, ordinarily visible in the background.

'Tis the season for fledglings to leave the nest, even in the human species. 'Tis also the season for misadventures in Chesapeake Bay Family Land. Truth be told, every day is the season for misadventures in Chesapeake Bay Family Land.

Once upon a time, Chesapeake Bay Woman's Baby Sister and Friend came for a visit and had dinner with the entire Chesapeake Bay Family.

As the party took a seat at the table, Chesapeake Bay Mother noticed a crescendo in the squawking coming from the local bird population. Before you could say, "Why does anyone ever think we can have a normal anything dinner around here?" a killer cat emerged from the shrubbery with a bird ensconced in his mouth.

Chesapeake Bay Mother dashed outside screaming for the cat to loosen his hold on the bird. Chesapeake Bay Woman, more concerned for her mother than for the unfortunate bird, dashed behind her. As the guests were raising forks to their mouths, CB Mother and CB Woman hollered, stomped, flailed arms and swirled around in circles trying to frighten the cat into letting go.

The dinner guests--the only ones truly frightened--were seated in the kitchen overlooking the entire nightmare scene unfolding.

Just as they paused with mouths agape, forks halted midway up, this happened:

Chesapeake Bay Mother chased the cat under the deck, wedging her upper body as far as possible through a small hole which allowed limited access.

CBW looked on in horror as her 68-year-old mother became stuck, head and arms under the deck, legs and feet outside the deck. If she were sliding into home plate, her form would have been perfect. But this is way beside the point.

CBW heard her mother moaning in pain, pausing only to holler further instructions for the cat to drop that bird. Or else!

Having flashbacks to episodes involving screaming of the words, "Or else!" and in all the stress of the shituation, CBW could not ascertain if her mother needed to be pushed or pulled, so--always aiming to please--she did both.

Yadda yadda yadda, CBW and CB Mother did an imitation of a human wheelbarrow. Next we performed a reenactment from the episode where Winnie the Pooh gets stuck in the hole after eating too much honey. Except there was no honey, and Pooh was 68 years old and Rabbit had guests over for dinner watching the whole dreadful nightmare scene unfold.

When all was said and done, regrettably the bird died in spite of Chesapeake Bay Mother's valiant efforts. The cat still doesn't know what on Earth he witnessed. Chesapeake Bay Mother declared to all--including Baby Sister's dinner guest--that she nearly killed herself, which caused Chesapeake Bay Son to burst into hysterics because that's how seriously we take these sorts of declarations.

Chesapeake Bay Woman as usual stood quietly in the background, satisfied that she had done her part to ensure that Chesapeake Bay Mother had not killed herself.

Baby Sister's Friend ran screaming into the night will never come back to visit again.

The End.


Anonymous said...

WOW- Dinner & a show. You guys really know how to make a stranger feel right at home.


ps. And while there is no longer a Bird Mother...there's probably an Bird Orphan who need the TLC that only CBM can offer.

Caution Flag said...

I hope that the next time I am treated unfairly, your mother will be around. What a champion! And you? SUCH a good daughter...and then some.

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

One, that is my favorite Pooh scene in my favorite Pooh movie, the same movies I can't interest my current 4YO in because he's moved way beyond that juvenile drivel to, oh, Star Wars movies.

Two, what kind of blogger are you that you didn't first photograph the moment, THEN start with the pushing and pulling??

Mental P Mama said...

LOL...Dinner and a show....

Grandma J said...

Oh my gosh! That had to be the funniest dinner with guest story I've ever heard.

Your mom doesn't stay in shape going to Curves! Don't even pretend that's how she does it! It's chasing animals and crawling under buildings.

I hope PJB is able to keep up with the CB Family!! :))

Anonymous said...

Dino is used to things like that. Last night we were trying to have dinner and MY cats, after living together for 14 years, decided to turn on each other and we were interrupted by a tornado of FANGS, BELLOWING HOWLS, FUR, HISSES, TUNA CANS, and FEAR.
Regarding your dinner,I believe CBM said " I thought I was going to die" and then CBson died laughing . I was too involved in the mashed potatoes to look up, but after dinner I peaked out there and saw two chicken legs pointed towards the sky emerging from under the deck, just in between the steps and the lattice. You were standing behind her with a scowl on your face.
Baby Sis

Anonymous said...

Honestly, this makes me homesick. Not much has changed in the past 20 years. I get extremely uncomfortable when things are "normal." It's rather boring.....


-Middle Sis

Anonymous said...

I know the feeling, middle sis! I, too, get uncomfortable when things are too normal! Just come visit anytime you want to feel " comfortable"!!
Baby Sis

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

SMBS-Dinner and a Show pretty much describes every meal around here. Bravo for winning the award for best name for this post even though nobody knew there was a contest.

CF-My mother would do anything to save an animal from harm. People are secondary, but that's what I'm here for, to provide some sort of balance--a frightening thought at best.

Meg-Love that Pooh scene too. I believe I had it in some sort of primitive viewfinder or something as a kid. My son used to watch the video until the age of about 2 or 3. Not sure CBDaughter ever watched it. Will let her comment if she reads this any time soon.

MPM-You'll be treated to several dinners and shows in July! Something tells me there may be some stories to tell from the Sea Shanty too.

GJ-My mother is as strong as an ox and much of that is in fact due to so much outdoor activity. Yard work, gardening, diving head first under decks, sprinting to catch cats/geese/Gustavs/dogs and then of course there is Curves.

Baby Sis: Whatever CB Mother said it involved her untimely demise and CB Son's immediate howling/laughter. Yes, her chicken legs were up in the air, and I couldn't figure out if I should grab the ankles and pull or push her all the way in. I've successfully blocked out how we resolved the shituation. Your description of a scowling fact will not be disputed by fact, CB Mother claims I was born with that scowl. Hmmph.

Middle Sis: We miss you too. Also, I have come to the conclusion after 44 years of life that "normal" is the new crazy and crazy is the new normal.

That's my story and I'm stickin' with it.

Happy Monday. - cbw

Anonymous said...

Anyone want to bet that the "scowl" looks a lot like the 5/23/09 post?

As for working in CA.
It just wouldn't be right without CBM and her animals. Wonder if CBM could adjust to coyotes and rattlesnakes instead of geese and fiddler-crabs?

....and the ants aren't just a nuisance, they bite...hard.

(Single Male Blog Stalker)

Anonymous said...

A little scared to even ask what 1st prize is :)

foolery said...

Poor bird. Poor cat. Poor CBMother. Poor CBW. Lucky, lucky guests, who learned a valuable lesson:

When dining at a CBFamily home, you must have a camera ready to go at all times.

Pass the squab, please.