Middle Sister

Today is Middle Sister's birthday, she turns 52. Ha! Just kidding, and I'm probably the only one who laughed at that. (I'm used to it.) The better part of my life was spent making fun of Middle Sister because, well, she's the middle sister and here's how my job description reads in the Manual of Sibling Rivalry, Chapter One, page 2, paragraph 7:

Oldest Sister

• Knows more than any/all younger siblings
• Is responsible for bossing younger siblings around
• Makes self laugh incessantly by making fun of younger siblings, particularly the one in the middle.

See? It's written there in plain English. I'm nothing if not obedient and compliant with the laws of life and Nature.

But on her birthday I'll go ahead and say a few nice things about her. Let's begin:

• She lives in Georgia and comes home twice a year because she can't stand to be around us.
• She got married in Hawaii to ensure none of her family members could attend.
• Both of the above statements are likely due to her Older Sister's incessant torture and teasing. Obviously she didn't read the manual, though, otherwise she'd know I was supposed to.

Bear with me, this is such a struggle. OK, so the above was not nice either. Let me try again, here goes:

• Middle Sister was easily the smartest of the three Chesapeake Bay Sisters, and if Baby Sister disputes that, I'll eat my cat. And my hat. (See how I can sneak a dig in at Baby Sister too?)


• She was so brilliant she skipped a grade, however let it be known that we played school a lot, and guess who was the teacher? That's right, moi. Moving on...


• She's such an outgoing talker, our mother says she was vaccinated with a phonograph needle. (HAAAA!!!! Not nice. Not at all. But seriously, she could talk the legs off an iron pot and would put on shows, dance and sing. The girl needed to distinguish herself, and oh did she ever.) A more positive way to state this is she was also known as Personality Plus. (Who was vaccinated with a phonograph needle.)

OK. I'll stop teasing now. Happy Birthday, Chesapeake Bay Middle Sister.

As a token of my affection, I'd like to repost one of my favorite Middle Sister stories of all time, where we were going across country on the Family Vacation That Would Never End, trapped in a VW bus loaded with a port-a-potty, our parents, and no such thing as entertainment other than our imagination and each other.

We had to make a pit stop and let's just say you came out with more than you walked in with. For those who have not read the story, click here for the link. Even if you have read it, please take a look again. You can't make this stuff up, folks, it's a good one. Now excuse me while I try to stop snickering. This really is not nice, especially on her birthday.

LOVE YOU, MIDDLE SISTER! HAPPY 65thBIRTHDAY!