Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Driver's License Optional

To survive in Mathews you must have a method of transportation. Most everyone is a good 5-10 miles from the nearest grocery store (that specializes in beef jerky and toilet paper. Other items such as EDIBLE FOOD THAT ISN'T GROUND BEEF AND DRINKING WATER are considered specialty items. Go somewhere else, please, that's a half-hour away.) The nearest recognizable chain store is in the next state.

A car is no good, however, if you're not able to keep your driver's license. For some reason, probably because THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO AROUND HERE, many folks drink. And drive. And drink some more. And drive some more. And then they lose their license. Then we get to read their names in the local newspaper, along with who is in jail, who got married, and how many brush fires the fire department responded to. Who needs reality TV when reality is right here under your nose?

We have many local characters who have lost their driver's licenses, but they always seem to get around the county. JUST FINE.

One fella pushes a WHEELCHAIR to and from the store. He limps, and clearly the wheelchair is meant for him. But he can't sit in it. Because he's pushing his plastic bag. Flled with a 12-PACK. In the seat of the wheelchair.

Imagine my surprise when I was driving to the store one day and saw an old man on his RIDING LAWN MOWER going through the main part of town, the village (aka the court house). He was hunched over the wheel driving down the sidewalk. WITH A SIX PACK STRAPPED TO THE TOP OF THE MOWER DECK.

Then there are the bicyclers. Many folks who lose their license choose this option as their preferred mode (over lawn mowers and wheelchairs). Their ability to "doctor up" their bikes to accommodate their habits is quite impressive. One gentleman, who never rides his bike without his knee-high rubber boots(I have no explanation, I only report it as I see it)has a small wagon attached to the back so he can haul critical items, such as beer. And more beer. With a side of beer.

So you see, Mathews is full of lively characters. Sans driver's licenses. Doubt their sanity all you want, but the ingenuity cannot be touched. OR EXPLAINED..


Icey said...

Then there are those that have drivers licenses, yet prefer alternative modes of transportation, i.e. the infamous meter maid vehicle!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Oh, Mighty Icey,

I considered referencing the meter maid vehicle but since it requires so much explanation I thought I'd save it for another post. In short, for the other one reader who doesn't know, Someone in My Family renovated an old meter maid contraption and uses it to conduct what he calls PERIMETER CHECKS around the property.

I can't think about this right now because it makes my head hurt. I'll think about it tomorrow. Signed, Scarlett.

Icey said...

You are right, it is worthy of it's own post!!!