Monday, September 29, 2008


These are two outbuildings or sheds down Onemo way. I have a fascination with old structures, and these caught my eye because they are so oddly shaped. The first one gives the illusion that it's leaning a tad; the second one just looks like a patchwork quilt of building materials. Speaking of slightly awry and mismatched pieces, it's time for another post about my family..

With Election Day just around the corner, I thought it would be appropriate to relay this excerpt from an e-mail my mother sent me when I lived in Northern Virginia. My parents were babysitting my then-toddler Chesapeake Bay Son (I have no idea where I was) and all three of them went to the polls to cast their votes. (Well, the adults cast their votes; Chesapeake Bay Son just watched.)

While waiting in line, a photographer with the local paper took their picture.
Here is what my mother had to say about that once she saw the picture in print:

" Disappointment. Oh, it's of us alright, front and center in the local section, but only the top of Chesapeake Bay Son's head is showing. Of course CB Father and I are looking down at the registrars, exhibiting our frog throats and jowls (which are not that noticeable when looking up as the registrars were doing). Asi es la vida. I thought it ironical that the one time we hadn't a clue whom to vote for that we are featured as responsible voters. Ha ha hardy ha.

CB Father's frog throat was monumental in its proximity to the lens; and even so, people will remark how young and good looking he is - count on it. While I will get only bare notice, thank goodness. And they just said "voters" rather than deal with our names. "
- Chesapeake Bay Mother

I, Chesapeake Bay Woman, stand corrected. This really has very little to do with an election and more to do with jowls and frog throats. Given that, here's a similar excerpt from another e-mail she wrote back in 1997:

" ....My hair is so attractive. It's orange and stringy. What to do I don't know. I'd cut it all off if I didn't look like Icabod Crane of Washington Irving's Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Us long-necked, small-headed persons with a hump in their neck are limited in hairstyles."
-Chesapeake Bay Mother

There are several lessons to be learned from my mother's e-mails:

1. Please register to vote. Then be sure to show up to vote on Election Day.

2. When the paper is taking your picture at the polls, be sure to glance upwards rather than down, especially if you're related to the Chesapeake Bay Family. This will minimize the Frog Throat Effect.

3. If you resemble Icabod Crane, you're related to the Chesapeake Bay Family.

4. If you're in the Chesapeake Bay Family, you resemble Icabod Crane.

-cbw (aka ChesapIcabod Crane Woman)


Bear Naked said...

I learned a LONG time ago never to look down at anyone, that is why I make sure all my friends are taller than me.
If you are sitting down I will not approach you until you stand up.
My frog throat and jowls are funny that way.

Bear((( )))

Anonymous said...

The first shed is leaning - the wall on the "carport" side where the tractor is parked is most definitely not vertical.

I could provide similar photos of stuff from my home county. Fact is, we tore a few of these down when we moved to the farm on which I grew up. Another shed was sturdy enough to be turned into a playhouse for my sister and me... my mom painted it brown, then painted huge daisies on the outside. We loved hanging out in there, even though it became a little sweatbox in the summer.

Mental P Mama said...

I cannot even go there this morning.

Unknown said...

That's hysterical. I can't figure out who's funnier, you or your mom.

Looking down adds multiple chins, making my ordinarily sleek neck seem non-existant. Never look down!

I might add that looking down also adds inches to my middle section.

Anonymous said...

If you are HILARIOUS, you are a member of the Chesapeake Bay Family! Bahahaha!

I'm too short and "hippy" to ever be mistaken for a member of the Ichabod Crane family.

Anonymous said...

I left a comment on your "Abandoned" post. You may find it interesting.

Unknown said...

I like that building too. My Dad always tells me that buildings around the farm can be built out of any materials. Farmers, real true farmers that don't just have show places, use whatever is available. I am registered to vote. I am a little stressed about the prospects though.

Anonymous said...

I recently worked with a lady who had jowls AND a turkey gobbler neck. She was not related to us. She also had a FUPA. I will NOT define what this is, there are too many young readers. Anyway, I'm worried about her, you know, with Thanksgiving on the way and all. She'd better not take any walks near the woods! And I'd stay away from brown clothing and pink scarves if I were her. (I didn't really care for her anyway.)

Baby Sis

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

bn - I never realized this until I read what my mother wrote about the face and neck region and now I will be super self-conscious about ever looking down again. I guess that works well, because then I'll never have to see my mid-section, which I'm in denial about anyway.

soup - The playhouse was the greatest, wasn't it? Sisters and I would play in the big barn next door, although we never painted daisies on it. I did paint some shutters pink one time but we won't go into that again.

mpm - You have nothing to worry about. I've seen the pictures.

GJ - Everything, up to and including shallow breathing adds inches to my mid-section. Why just by talking about it I have already added another inch. I don't want to talk about it.

bhe - There is everything to be said about NOT resembling Icabod Crane. I envy you. Oh, and that is very interesting about the connection to that crime.

R - You (and your Dad) make a good point about true farmers vs. showplace farmers. Mathews leans heavy in favor of the true farmer category. The show place farms are more in the central / northern part of the state, and that's just fine with us.

Baby Sis - I can't imagine anything more I can add to your commentary. It just isn't possible.

Have a good one, everybody.

Anonymous said...

*frog throat and jowls* has me HOWLING!!!!!

I'm going to have to remember to never look down whilst having my picture taken. But to be honest, I aim to NEVER have my photo taken in the first place.

foolery said...

Actually, CBMother, I believe the Long-Necked, Small-Headed Persons With a Hump in Their Necks contingent is quite well-represented politically this year, by, of course, Barack Obama. And John McCain has the Frog Throats and Jowls group covered.

NOW who are you gonna vote for?

Just kidding.

Sort of.


The Butt as Big as Texas and Aunt Bea Arms of Northern California Affiliation